Commemorative biographical record of Middlesex County, Connecticut : containing biographical sketches of prominent and representative citizens, and of many of the early settled families, Part 14

Author: Beers (J.H.) & Co., Chicago, pub
Publication date: 1903
Publisher: Chicago : Beers
Number of Pages: 1502

USA > Connecticut > Middlesex County > Commemorative biographical record of Middlesex County, Connecticut : containing biographical sketches of prominent and representative citizens, and of many of the early settled families > Part 14

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(II) COURAGE. Fear confuses the intel- lect, and degrades the character. Courage is not only an attractive virtue, but a most de- sirable one. It enters into the idea of man- hood. It is essential to activity and energy. We all may have duties as champions and pro- tectors. There are always battles to fight. We are surrounded by perils. But beware of temerity. Courage is cool and calculates chances! Rashness shuts up its eyes, and is brave, because it is blind. Courage is not a constitutional virtue, but it may be promoted. Study its examples : forbear all expressions of timidity ; examine the appearances of danger ; study the doctrines of chance : strive to be al- ways collected ; lead an active life.

(III) SELF CONTROL. The best of one's possessions is himself. It is lost when passion usurps the throne. Express yourself with moderation. The temper is heated with its own flames. Beware of controversy. Never contradict another. Confine yourself to doubts and questions. Do not imagine yourself called upon to vindicate all your opinions at all times. Be silent when vexed. Do not try to reascn with unreasonable people. Speak with de- liberation ; with a low voice; and without dog- matism. Never interrupt any one who is dis- puting. Study composure of manner. Cherish the spirit of forgiveness and not of resent- ment. When conversation becomes too ex- cited, change the subject. Let your zeal in all things be tempered by moderation. Never recriminate; affect the retort courteous; "A soft word turneth away anger." Avoid oc- casions of passion. Never espouse a quarrel, but strive to be a peacemaker. If guilty of undue passion, apologize and make amends. It will restore peace ; it is demanded by justice ; and it is a deserved discipline. In respect to your desires, do not always gratify them. If you find yourself eager beyond reason, check and disappoint your appetite. Be imperious with yourself. Let the laws of your self gov- ernment be obeyed. Even if they are unrea- sonable, do not alter them at the instigation of passion. Wait till reason can hold a session to revise them.

(IV) PATIENCE. Let not small evils irri- tate, or great ones depress you. When in trouble let all your energy be spent in secking relief. Do not waste yourself by complaints ; or unman yourself by despondency. Weigh the calamities which you suffer. estimate exactly how heavy they are ; think whether you could not bear more. Seek those who are in greater trouble than yourself, and relieve them. Sym- pathy is the bahn of suffering, but not so much the sympathy others feel for us, as that which we feel for others. Patience enables us to re- tain our self-respect, and self-respect is a great consolation. Grief is exaggerated by its own expressions. It is eloquent, and makes 11s believe our suffering greater than it is.

Complaint repels consolation : Patience attracts it. Remember that physical and mental suffer- ing are both temporary. Recall what you have passed through before. See how many happy persons there are, who have also been distressed as you are now. As a last resort, consider

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that "there is a balm for those who weep," and that the future world is not without hope. In respect to trifles, by which so many minds are disturbed of their repose, look upon them as a practical lesson of philosophy ; congratu- late yourself upon your trials ; and make them the occasion of self-discipline. Never be im- patient of the dullness of others. If your ap- prehension is superior, congratulate yourself upon it, but make no unmanly and unkind demonstration. Your impatience will either terrify or displease those you would teach. Kindness and patience are better instructors. The more amiable you are, the better you will be understood. To be impatient with feeble comprehension, is only to resent one weakness with another and a worse one. You need not spend your time with those who are dull, nor seek their conversation, but, if thrown to- gether, scorn not an infirmity which they can- not help. Your quickness is perhaps the only quality in which you excel; at any rate, you should use it to assist and not to insult your companions.

(V) CONTENTMENT. There is no situa- tion so good but there may be a better. This is a good reason why we should seek to im- prove our condition, but no reason why we should cease to enjoy it. That ambition is excessive which banishes content; for it robs us of more than it confers. It pays us mostly in empty promises. It is well to be dissatisfied with the evils of our state, but Discontent does not discriminate; it rejects the good also. Restlessness is rather a quality of the mind, than a result of the occasion. It will follow your condition, however improved. You must subdue it. You are not otherwise un- happy than as you think so. See how many per- sons are cheerful, who seem to be situated worse than yourself: do not flatter yourself that their taste is delicate; or that they would enjoy something better. Place yourself and them in any circumstance, they will still be happy ; you will still be discontented. Eradi- cate the fault in yourself; do not wait for events which may not happen. To do this dwell upon the pleasure within your reach ; do the good within your power ; compare your circumstances with those that are still worse ; never complain ; consider what your merit is. Be diligent in well doing. Envy no one, for appearances are deceitful, and those that you think fortunate may be wretched; and finally,

let your chief ambition be to become good, for then, and then only, you can command the circumstances upon which your happiness de- pends.

(VI) SELF-DENIAL FOR THE SAKE OF

OTHERS. Selfishness is the lion in the path of virtue. He will stay there as long you will feed him. Deprive him of his daily rations, and he will by and by retreat. Let every day witness some act of self-denial. Sacrifice daily. Mortify yourself, but not with an as- cetic spirit. Study the tastes of those who surround you. Be ingenious to discover what will gratify them. Do not flatter yourself that you are generous, when you give away what you do not want. Put yourself in pain ; make yourself unhappy, disappoint yourself for the sake of doing good. It is a good invest- ment. You will eat half your loaf with better relish, if it is seasoned with the gratitude of him to whom you gave the other half. Do not rely upon the instinct of kindness. The in- stinct of selfishness is before it. Be considerate before hand, let your generosity be calculated; make a wall about your conduct, which selfish- ness cannot enter. Virtue is to be had for the seeking, not the wishing. It is not enough to love her, she must be wooed; she must be conciliated; you must reject your other mis- tresses, or she will none of you.

(VII) TEMPERANCE. Let reason be your glory. Neither deaden it with gross feeding, nor madden it with exciting drink. Be not fastidious in respect to your diet. Yet it is better to be an epicure than a glutton. Re- member that a wholesome appetite needs no pampering. Choose rather the natural delica- cies of the orchard and garden, than the spicy mixtures of the kitchen. Never sit at a table till you are surfeited. Determine beforehand how much you will eat. Eat slowly, and garn- ish your repast with cheerful conversation. Affect simplicity in your food. Remember that "a good appetite is the best sauce." Variety of dishes is only an expedient to force the appetite. It is unnecessary and expensive. As to drinking, consider that total abstinence from what will intoxicate is not only easiest and cheapest and safest, but most respectable.

(VIII) CHARITY. Avoid the spirit of censure. Construe motives with delicacy. Mankind are more selfish than malicious. Very few do mischief for the love of it. Most evils grow from weakness or prejudice. Mis-

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COMMEMORATIVE BIOGRAPHICAL RECORD.

understanding is the Goddess of Discord. If men knew more, they would sin less. If any one wrongs you forgive him. Retaliation is not compensation. Magnanimity repairs the breach that passion opens. Beware of that Pride which stands in the way of reconcilia- tion. If you are misunderstood, or misrepre- sented, be not angry, but endeavor to set your- self right. Perhaps you may convert the fury of an enemy into the ardor of a friend. Hon- or is a substance, and not a name. It is not lost by calumny, or gained by bravado. Be exceeding tender of the reputation of others. The conduct of all men is the proper subject of conversation. Whether private or public, they owe the world a good name. As his repu- tation is the reward the public give a good man, and the caution which they have against a bad one, it is proper to help fix that reputa- tion. Only be just and discriminate; be more ready to explain your neighbor's conduct than to censure it; strive rather to improve his character than to prejudice his standing. But let not your ordinary conversation be gossip. Never censure, except after deliberation. Nev- er surmise a bad motive ; wait till you are sure. As to public officers and those in high political stations, speak with caution. Add not to the venom that poisons the atmosphere of great- ness ; it is better to discuss their measures than their motives. Patriots do not all think alike. You may be wrong ; at any rate they may be pure. Whenever it is your duty to find fault, examine yourself, to see whether it gives you pain or triumph. If the latter, first censure and reform yourself before you reproach an- other. Recollect always that where Freedom is, there will be variety of manners and opin- ions. Be neither shocked at the one nor of- fended at the other. You are a private per- son, and not the censor of mankind. Virtues are of different sorts; they are not all linked to your faith and your sentiments. They do not all grow in the soil of your heart. While you are yourself imperfect, you need charity, and while you need, you ought to extend it. Watch carefully your feelings, as well as your words. Charity is not only virtue, but happiness. It is the atmosphere of Love. It ooks with tenderness upon all mankind; it is more pained by transgression than offended it it. Its great maxim is, Love that which is rood, irore than you hate that which is evil.

(IX) JUSTICE. This virtue includes hon-

esty. It excludes prejudice. It supposes dis- crimination. It is the royal virtue, the first attribute of the gods. Be careful to do your- self Justice. Be not your own sycophant. Do not measure virtue by your own Sentiments, or truth by your own Opinions. Take broad views of things. Be not elated or depressed. Serenity is the groundwork of Deliberation, and Deliberation is the parent of Justice. All prejudice is injustice. It corrupts the balance in which right and wrong are weighed. Never decide rashly. Hear both sides. Repel soph- istry ; beware of sympathy, until judgment gives its sanction to feeling. In your dealings with mankind, let Honesty and Truth stand Witnesses. If you have scruples, decide against yourself; shun concealments and arti- fices ; let your traffic be one of equivalents; be less careful not to be imposed upon than not to impose upon another ; never let yourself be mis- understood. Shun all avocations which put your honesty at hazard.

(X) ECONOMY. Waste nothing. Econ- omy is not meanness. What you save you can afterward give away. Let everything that is consumed be consumed to some purpose. De- stroy nothing from mere wantonness: make it your habit to accomplish your ends at as small expense as possible. Throw nothing away because you do not want it now. There is no pleasure in waste. Never spend money to make a show ; do not give an unreasonable price for anything, lest. you be thought mean ; buy nothing merely because it is cheap: but do not be pennywise; Liberality is often the best economy ; consider not only what you pay. but also the value of what you get. Do not es- teem' your charities waste. Your economy gives you the means to bestow them. "He that giv- eth to the poor, lendeth unto the Lord," and it is true economy to make so good an invest- ment.

(XI) INDUSTRY. Industry well bestowed is the source of wealth, and with wealth you may develop your taste and your virtues. No man ought to leave the world poorer by reason of his being in it. Labor takes away both the inducement and the leisure to be vicious. Make it a matter of principle to toil with your hands as well as your head. Your health and your temper both need it. Be not ashamed of Labor. Do not anticipate a period when you will leave it off. You will be discontented, both before and after that period arrives. Reconcile your-

COMMEMORATIVE BIOGRAPHICAL RECORD.

self to it. Regard it as an incident of life, or rather as a blessing. Think of its returns in health and commodities. Remember how stale and wearisome you have found Idleness. Strive to interest yourself in your labor. Make your taste conform to your business ; if you cannot, conform your business to your taste. A wise change is no caprice. Let all your time be oc- cupied in something useful. Your labor will interest you when it is profitable. Seek relax- ation in change of employment. Even let your amusements be instructive, or such as to excite and discipline some faculty of the mind or body. Avoid idle rumination and vague castle building. If your imagination is busy, let it give form to its results; write them down in prose or verse, or communicate them in discourse; save the fruit, and do not let it rot, half matured, on the branch.

(XII) ORDER. In all that you do exer- cise method. Do not consider the time wasted which you spend in devising and applying your, system. Let your day be parceled out and appropriated, and adhere to the order that you have adopted as steadily as you can. In this way, you will be able to attend to a great many things ; and the gaps in time will not let in trespassers. Cultivate habits of generaliza- tion. Let everything have its place, and be there when wanted. Order is an artificial mem- ory; it prevents forgetfulness. Routine be- comes habit, and habit makes all your duties easy.

(XIII) NEATNESS. Comfort and Health, not less than taste, enjoin this virtue. But there are other reasons. Be neat, in order that you may be amiable to others. Be neat, in order that you may relish yourself, and not wish to be somewhere else. You will scarcely love your home if it is dirty. Neatness is a great item in domestic satisfaction. Neatness is the first step to refinement. The Graces will not step over a foul threshold. Neatness is not expensive: it is a substitute for expense. What is tidy can scarcely be called vulgar.

(XIV) PERSEVERANCE. Make up your mind deliberately, and then by no means aban- don your projects. unless you find them dis- honest. Circumstances may make it proper to change, but be careful not to do so from ca- price. Be not discouraged by failure ; the more success costs, the more it disciplines and in- structs you. Do not misunderstand your own wants. If you follow a transient motive you

will soon be disgusted. Act upon deliberate self-knowledge, and on principle. You will then be better able to appreciate your strength, and retain your inducements. By having ob- jects in view that are really valuable, you will more easily persevere than in the pursuit of trifles. But do not give up even a trifle, with- out very strong reasons. Your Perseverance will be worth something, even if what you attain will not. Be not afraid of obstacles, because they are great. It is their nature to diminish as you approach. The greater your triumphs, the more invincible you become. The higher the hill which you climb, the great- er is your elevation when at the top.

(XV) CHASTITY. Practice this virtue in thought, word and deed. Beware of false con- structions ; avoid prudery and false modesty. Remember that "to the pure in heart, all things are pure."

(XVI) COURTESY. Comply with the rea- sonable forms and etiquette of society. Study the theory of good manners as well as the practice. They consist of graceful conces- sions. When not the reality, they are the affectation of kindness. Possess the latter, and the former will be easy. Do not be polite, merely for your own sake. Think how much happiness you can give, not how much credit you can get, by your affability. Seek to be graceful and easy. Imitate the best models that you meet with. A true gentleman is a practical philanthropist. 'He diffuses around him happiness, gratitude and content. He is admired without envy. Study self-possession. It is the groundwork of good breeding. Let your sympathies be alert. Conform to the taste and capacity of your company. Draw out and encourage their merits. Thus will you charm without deceit, and flatter without obsequiousness. Yet let not your manners be undiscriminating. Be dignified with the arro- gant, reserved with the forward, and cold with the vicious. But upon the modest and deserv- ing, beam like the sun.

(XVII) SILENCE. Never speak without reflection, or without any other object than to fill a pause. Be social, but not silly. Be either witty or sensible. In all which you say, either give something or seek something. When your curiosity or your genius is exhausted, let them lie fallow. Aim to be precise and sententious. Cultivate wit and humor, but sharpen them not upon your companions. Let

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COMMEMORATIVE BIOGRAPHICAL RECORD.

your conversation be vivacious, but shun vul- garity and profanity. Let your allusions be pure. Speak not about yourself, except to relate incidents, and those but sparingly. Avoid mysteries, but be grave of secrets that are con- fided to your keeping. Shun affectation of knowledge. It forfeits more in the contempt of the wise than it gains in the admiration of the simple. Be content to be taught. Your docility flatters your teachers and profits your- self. Be not afraid of the imputation of dull- ness, on account of your silence. Remember that intelligence has other organs besides the tongue; and that if dullness essays to speak, it is betrayed.

(XVIII) SINCERITY. Never be sophis- tical. Never take the wrong side for the sake of an argument. Let your object be the truth ; et your language be perspicuous; avoid am- piguity. Hold false praise in abhorrence. Yet De not slow to commend what is good. Do not je too much afraid of expressing your appro- ation, but never compliment another for the sake of getting influence. Let not your sin- cerity become bluntness. Direct censure is seldom! beneficial. Let your dispraise in gen- ral be negative, or conveyed by intimations. Prevent those with whom you converse from leceiving themselves. You are not obliged to communicate everything. If you wish to be ilent, it is your privilege. But do not mislead nother in order that you may conceal ourself. If pressed by impertinent cu- iosity, meet it with reserve rather than quivocation. In fine, let your motives e pure and your conduct correct, and you will ave small occasion for concealment. Con- ider that as the most lovely scene is distorted y a bad medium, so the best character is made uspicious by insincere manners.

(XIX) BENEVOLENCE. Sympathy is an istinct, benevolence an extension and refine- ient of it. The more your heart is cultivated. le wider scope has your Benevolence. As on banish prejudices, you let in virtues. The ffections spread out from yourself as a cen- Dr. You first love your family, then your ountry, then mankind. In all happiness, in 1 progress you have a share. Beware lest irtial virtues exclude universal ones. Do- estic affection may be only enlarged selfish- ess ; patriotism may be an unjust and de- ructive passion. Minor virtues should be pt subservient ; otherwise they become vices.

Morality is not limited; it embraces the whole race. Our duties may be local, but our phi- lanthropy should be universal. Keep in view the fraternity of mankind ; dispel first your own prejudices, then those of others. Quicken your sympathies by interesting yourself in philan- thropic enterprises ; study and reflect upon the manners and customs of all races; travel if you can ; if not, read travels ; keep acquainted with the current history of other nations as well as your own ; avoid the excess of national pride; cherish and admire the good of all ages and places ; cultivate the virtue of hospitality. (XX). PUBLIC SPIRIT. Remember that you are a citizen and a sovereign. All great ends are accomplished by association and con- cert. Take part in all public movements. Can- vass and decide their merits. It is not your privilege to be a neutral. As a politician be moderate and firm. Attach yourself to one or the other of the two great parties. But re- member that each of them represents a great and essential principle. The safety of the commonwealth rests upon their proper equi- poise. The result of one of their tendencies is the progress of the State. Therefore be charitable and conciliatory. Attend the pri- mary meetings. Be more careful to keep your own party pure than to expose the corruptions of the other. Use your influence to secure honest men for candidates. Make it a rule nev- er to seek office, and never to decline it, unless you have some reason better than apathy. Be not afraid of being charged with lukewarmness or inconsistency. You may adhere to your party without making yourself a blackguard or a tool. It is your duty to oppose its cor- ruptions. Consider yourself one of the guardians of the public weal, and act in view of so great a trust. Interest yourself in the rising generation. Watch and foster the pub- lic schools. Purify the fountain, that the stream may run pure. The children of today will hold the scepter tomorrow. Discipline and control your love of power. Desire it only as a means by which you may benefit the con :- munity. You may relish popularity, but shrink from the praise that is not your desert. False glory should be felt as shame.

MAY 23d, 1846.

FLIJAH TRYON, a greatly respected and prosperous farmer residing in the Bow Lane District of the town of Middletown, Middle-

COMMEMORATIVE BIOGRAPHICAL RECORD.

sex county, was born April 15, 1838, on the farm he now owns and occupies, son of Elijah and Harriet ( Lucas) Tryon. He is a descend- ant of Gov. George Tryon, who, prior to the American Revolution, was the English gov- ernor of North Carolina and later of New York, and during the struggle for independence wa's a general in the British army.

David Tryon, grandfather of the gentle- man whose name opens this review, was born in 1765, was a farmer, and erected the dwell- ing now occupied by his grandson, Elijah. He served in the war of 1812, being stationed at New London, where he was taken ill. He was brought to his home, where he died January I. 1819. His wife, who bore the maiden name of Deborah Smith, was born in 1764, in Crom- well, Conn., was a daughter of Abner and Me- hitable (Knowles) Smith, and died November 2, 1857. They had four children, viz .: Rox- ana, who married Allen Brainard, a farmer of Maromas; Hannah, who became the wife of Elias Coe, a farmer of Middlefield; Elijah, of whom further mention will be made in the next paragraph ; and Deborah, wife of Benoni Plumb, a shoemaker of Middletown.

Elijah Tryon was born December 22, 1798, in the house erected by his father in Bow Lane and which has now been in the possession of the family for over a century. He early learned shoemaking under his brother-in-law, Benoni Plumb, in Middletown, and when about sev- enteen years old went to Charleston, S. C. After working there at his trade about three years he came back to Connecticut, and worked in the city of Middletown for a few years, fin- ally fitting up a shop in his own home, where he made boots and shoes and did repairing, also carrying on farming. On June 12, 1825, he married Harriet Lucas, who was born August I, 1804, and who bore him four children, viz. : Orrin, born February 13, 1826, died May 22, 1844. Edwin, born April 20, 1828, married Sarah Cotton, was for many years machinist in East Berlin, and died in New Britain Feb- ruary 23, 1900. Roxana, born June 18, 1831, married Lewis Beckley, and died in East Ber- lin, November 23, 1891. Elijah is mentioned below. Mr. Tryon was a hard-working, quiet man, respected by all who knew him, and died August 28, 1862; his widow survived until March 21, 1869, and their remains were bur- ied on Farm Hill, in Middletown, Connecticut.

Elijah Tryon, whose name opens this bi- ography, had the opportunity of attending the

district school in his boyhood, but at the same time was required to attend to all the home chores, and after he had finished his studies as a school boy was placed in charge of the farm. He eventually purchased the interest of the other heirs to the place, which comprises eighty acres, and has since carried on general farm- ing, making of this vocation a consummate success. On January 3, 1865, he married Miss Lucy E. Durant, who was born April 11, 1848, in Hardwick, Mass., daughter of Benjamin and Lucy ( Allard) Durant. They have no chil- dren. Mrs. Tryon is a consistent member of the South Congregational Church, and is a lady of most estimable personal character and domestic habits. Mr. Tryon is a member of the Middletown Grange, and in politics is a Democrat, but has persisted in refusing to ac- cept any of the public offices of which many have been proffered him. He has been a most industrious man all his active life, has been economical and judicious in his expenditures, and is classed among the best farmers of his town.

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Commemorative biographical record of Middlesex County, Connecticut : containing biographical sketches of prominent and representative citizens, and of many of the early settled families, Part 14

Author: Beers (J.H.) & Co., Chicago, pub Publication date: 1903 Publisher: Chicago : Beers Number of Pages: 1502

Author: Beers (J.H.) & Co., Chicago, pub
Publication date: 1903
Publisher: Chicago : Beers
Number of Pages: 1502