USA > Connecticut > Litchfield County > Torrington > History of Torrington, Connecticut, from its first settlement in 1737, with biographies and genealogies > Part 24
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Dated at Torrington the 25th day of January, A. D., 1792. ELISHA SMITH, Justice of the Peace."
A SLEIGH RIDE IN THE SUMMER.
Joshua Leach, being a little eccentric, agreed to work through hay- ing for Raphael Marshall, at a certain price, on condition that Mr. Marshall should take him in his sleigh to the meeting house green, a distance of about two miles, when they were done haying ; to which he agreed. Accordingly Mr. Marshall put his fine horses before a double sleigh, and several strings of bells on his horses, and sat on the front seat bundled in over coat, mittens and buffaloes, and Mr. Leach sat on the back seat with overcoat and mittens on, and bun- dled in buffalo skins. It being a warm day, many people came to see the ride, and there was much amusement on the occasion, and since that day it has been repeated with much interest as a ridiculous performance done for amusement.
WEDDINGS.
Weddings were often occasions for noisy, rude, and tumultuous engagements, and sometimes the proceedings became destructive to property, and disgraceful to civilization and a Christian community, but generally when the proceedings were extreme, the matter was overlooked because there were so many respectable or influential men engaged in it. On such occasions, men, younger and older, would collect about the house in the night at nine, ten and twelve o'clock, and by blowing of horns, rattling of pans, and firing of guns, make such a noise as to be heard two and three miles, and such as to make night hideous, and the home wretched with fear ; and such kind of enjoyment was sometimes continued until the company were treated to a round or two, or three of brandy, and until window lights were
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broken, and the people of the house glad to sacrifice almost anything out of fear, to be relieved from the presence of such a company.
When Ezekiel Appley was married several dozen men gathered about the house with usual noises. The provisions for the wedding guests were on the table in the back kitchen until the ceremony should be over when they were to be placed on the table in the front room. During the marriage ceremony some of the men crept in at the window and passed all the provisions out, and the men out doors carried them into the woods at some distance and there ate them, leaving not so much as a crumb for the guests in the house. This they called sport, and a good joke. And it is customary to speak of those men who did such things as having been brought up so well and as having such good manners !
When Asa Loomis of Torringford was married in June 1778, the young men banded together to steal the bride and carry her away and keep her until the bridegroom should pay for a supper and brandy all round. The day of the marriage Mr. Loomis was to take his bride home, on horseback, the usual method of traveling. After starting with his bride, he was overtaken, by one after another, of young men on horseback, until a dozen or two had collected about him as if to accompany him on his journey. On a given signal, the horses were put into the utmost confusion in front of, and about the one the bridal pair were riding. Just then Trumbull Ives, having been appointed, seized the bride, drew her to the saddle of his own horse, and rode away with all possible speed. The bridegroom was a little too expert, in tangles, and escaped the net laid for him and gave chase for his bride, while the multitude followed with the pur- pose of aiding the man with the bride to make his escape ; but their plans failed in part, for the bride was not taken out of Torringford, but to the tavern, where supper and liquors were ordered and the bride detained until the bridegroom paid the bill. This was not the end of the matter ; Mr. Loomis sued the whole company, a long law- suit followed ; all the individuals were fined, and it was many years before all the fines were paid and the matter ended.
JOKES.
Many of the early settlers possessed intellectual qualities corres- ponding to their manly forms and vigor of physical constitutions, and for want of literary attainments and occupation of the mind, their intellectual vigor took the form of oddities, jokes and daring feats of
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physical endurance. They prided themselves in their witty sayings, in their muscular toughness, and in how much work they and their wives and children could do and not break down.
This spirit of glory, made them venturesome in the storm, in the cold and heat, in places and times of danger, and very often they subjected themselves to needless hazard and endurance for the purpose of gaining renown, and distinction. They would not indulge pride in dress, that to their minds would be a sin, but would encourage a double or treble proportion in human muscle and think it quite innocent. It is said that one mother wove an immense number of yards of tow and linen cloth, the summer before her son was born, and the wonderful exhibition of this power of endurance, has been spoken of until this day, with honor to the woman, although it nearly cost her her life, and her husband thought he might well glory in the marvelous strength of his dearly beloved ; all the dearer because she could weave a thousand yards a year and receive the money for it. This was not a peculiar case, only the woman was peculiarly smart.
Another illustration is given by the Rev. Grant Powers in his Cen- tennial Address in Goshen in 1838. " There arose a spinning match among the young married ladies, at the house of Nehemiah Lewis. The trial was at the foot-wheel, in spinning linen. The conditions were previously defined, and agreed to, viz : They might spin during the whole twenty-four hours if they chose. They were to have their distaffs prepared for them, and their yarn reeled by others. Upon the first trial, at Lewis's house many did well. The wife of Stephen Tuttle spun five run, which was equal to two and a half days' labor, when on hire. Several others spun four run each ; but Mrs. Tuttle came off victor. But this aroused the ambition of some of the unmarried ladies, and Lydia Beach, the daughter of Dea. Edmund Beach of East street, was the first to come forward, and take up the gauntlet. She spun from early dawn to nine o'clock in the evening. She had her distaffs prepared, her yarn reeled, and her food put into her mouth. She spun in this time, seven run ; three and a half days' labor, and took the wreath from the brow of Mrs. Tuttle. Upon hearing of the exploit of Miss Beach, the wife of Capt. Isaac Pratt, of the south part of the town, came upon the arena. Between early dawn and the setting of the sun, she had actually spun six run, but at this moment, her husband interfered, and peremptorily forbade her proceeding further. She sat down, and wept like a child, when she ought to have rejoiced, that she had such a husband, in whose eyes
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her future health and happiness were more precious than the brief applause which might arise from success in that contest.
" The hand of Miss Lydia Beach was sought in marriage by the young and aspiring Jesse Buell, son of Capt. Jonathan Buell, and she was led to the hymenial altar, while her garland was yet fresh upon her brow ; but the doting husband was destined to see it wither down to the grave, for Lydia never enjoyed health from the hour of her triumph."
The testimony concerning this breaking down of young people by hard work, is ample and fully verified by the oldest people now living, and much of it was through pride, or ambition to gain renown by physical endurance.
Two young men in Torringford looking out of doors about nine o'clock in the evening in the winter, when the snow was nearly two feet deep and the weather severely cold, proposed to go to Harwinton meeting-house and back, barefooted, and they performed the journey, a distance of three or four miles, and then retired for sleep.
DEAR POSTAGE.
It is said that when postage on a letter was twenty-five cents, to be paid by the receiver, a man traveling through Wolcottville stopped at a tavern, fed his horse and procured dinner. The dinner did not suit him, consisting as he thought of too large a proportion of pork and beans. Some two weeks after the landlord received a letter, paying for it twenty-five cents, and opening it found only the words : " pork and beans." Some two weeks after he received another, for which he paid an equal sum, while it contained the same words. After about two weeks more a third came in the same handwriting, whereupon he concluded to let Uncle Sam keep his "pork and beans."
There having been formal complaint entered against the signer of the following paper, he saw fit to make the humble and gracious reply as follows :
" To the Church of Christ in Torrington.
As a complaint is against me, and as I understand that there is more en- tered for being a contentious person, I reply.
As it respects intemperance I do not wish to palliate or deny that I have given occasion to it. As to the other charge, I am innocent of the crime with which I am charged. I ask brethren and sisters to cast a mantle of charity over my failings ; and I ask your forgiveness.
In return I pledge you my continued prayers.
WM. MARSH."
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ESTIMATE OF MONEY.
A man called Old Whitney was at the raising of the Baptist church in Newfield, and when the men were putting up the timbers in the top of the frame a pike pole fell with the end having the pointed iron in it, first, and this iron grazed Whitney's nose so as to split it ; mak- ing quite a wound in the end of it. Whitney looked up and cried out, in a somewhat excited manner : " You can't be too damn care- ful up there, I would not run such a risk again for five dollars."
Levi Holmes was a blacksmith at Newfield four corners. He was six feet tall, large frame, and was a powerful man. A stranger passing his shop one day inquired the way to Goshen. Mr. Holmes gave him the directions very definitely as to the different roads to be taken, so that he could go without further directions. After talking a little, the man started down the road towards Winsted. After getting on some distance, Mr. Holmes started after him, and step- ping into the road before the man said : " You inquired the road to Goshen." "Yes," said the man, " I wanted to know which way went to Goshen, that's all." "Well," said Holmes," you inquired the way to Goshen, and now you shall go to Goshen, or I'll drop you." The man considered the road to Goshen the safest just then.
Ben Eggleston, as he was called, was a character in Newfield. On one occasion he went to the saw mill a little below this same bridge, in the evening while the Marshall boys were sawing lumber, and as he came into the mill, which had a floor of only loose boards with large spaces between, the old man began to repeat with emphasis to the boys; " Be careful boys, be careful ; dangerous place here, dangerous place." Scarcely had he uttered the words of caution to others before down he went, through the floor into the water, close by the water wheel. One of the men called to the other, "shut the gate quick, or uncle Ben will never make any more hob nails." The gate was shut and the men took the lantern and went down to see what the result was and as they came near the wheel uncle Ben was just scrabbling up the bank, dripping with water ; and in a very confidential resolute tone said: "Say nothing boys ; say nothing boys ! "
He went to hear a Universalist minister preach in Newfield, and took his seat directly in front of the preacher, and while the minister was preaching, he kept moving nearer and nearer, and looking him directly in the face. When the minister had become quite engaged
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in setting forth his doctrine uncle Ben addressed him in a very serious manner : " Do you believe what you preach ? "
At another time a Baptist minister was preaching, and became very much in earnest portraying the wickedness of the people, when uncle Ben remarked : " Lay it on heavy, we are a wicked people here."
Ethan Eggleston, son of uncle Ben, was a great hunter and not much of a worker. He would stand along the brook and watch a muskrat hole all day as patiently as any monument, and with as little motion, to get a shot at the animal, and he was a dead shot, too.
On a certain day he did not get up as usual, but his sisters know- ing the rule that he must not be disturbed, let him lie until nearly twelve o'clock, when one of them ventured to open the door to his room, when lo, there he was lying at full length on the bed, with his old musket in one hand and a horse pistol in the other, both aimed at a rat hole in the corner of the room where he had seen a rat early in the morning. But few men possess such patience and bravery !
MARRIAGE A HUNDRED YEARS AGO.
Mr. Increase Grant, also called deacon, lived in the edge of Litch- field, and became a member of the Torrington church about 1786, and not far from that time (perhaps a few years sooner) married Mind- well (Lyman), widow of Jacob Strong. A jointure was signed by them before marriage by which she was to acquire none of his pro- perty, and he none of hers ; only he was to have the use of her's and she was to have her living ; which at the present date seems to have been a sharp bargain on his part. After a few years she left him and went to her home, and after a time, they both being members of the same church, the matter became a topic of much discussion, and finally a charge was brought against her, because she did not live with her husband, for this and nothing else.
Upon this Samuel Everitt, son-in-law to Mindwell, testified under oath, that while Mr. Grant lived with his wife in her house, they seemed to live in harmony, but soon after they removed to his house, Mr. Grant told him that he was uneasy with his wife, on account of her being too free to treat her grand children when they came to his house, with victuals and drink. This complaint he made several times before he heard any complaint from his mother- in-law. Upon this Mr. Everitt purchased flour and put it in her house, agreeing to keep her in flour as she might need to make her grand children cakes and the like, in hope that that would end the
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difficulty. Living in Colebrook, he had no opportunity to know how matters went, until he heard his mother-in-law was in a very low state of health, alone at her own house, where he made her a visit, and by the use of medicines and care several days she revived so as to be able to go with him to see Mr. Grant. The interview was peculiar ; he seemed anxious only to get rid of her, and wanted Mr. Everitt to take her to his house in Colebrook (far away) but she seemed anxious to remain near him " where she could attend him if he should be sick, and where he could do something for her if she should be sick."
Finding how the matter stood Mr. Everitt bound himself in writ- ing to see his mother-in-law taken care of, and Mr. Grant bound himself to pay a certain sum towards her support. It was after this, and while her health was very poor that the complaint was made against her before the church. He was a member of the same church, but no complaint was entered against him.
The church took action in the matter and withdrew fellowship from her, which only made the matter worse, because some good people could not see that she had done wrong. The church then asked advice of the Rev. Ami R. Robbins of Norfolk and Rev. Samuel J. Mills of Torringford as a committee, or council, and their report was rendered September 18, 1794, and as this report reveals a number of prevailing religious notions of that day, it is here given in full. And it is important to remember that probably there could not have been selected, two men of larger benevolence and good will towards the erring or unfortunate than these, and therefore the report is as liberal as the times would possibly allow.
" To the Church of Christ in Torrington.
BELOVED BRETHREN : We the subscribers, being invited by you to hear and advise in a matter of discipline, respecting Mrs. M. Grant, a sister in your church ; after duly attending to the case, find it peculiarly complicated and difficult. We think you do well to seek for counsel and assistance in a matter so uncommon and delicate. We feel in some measure, embarrassed what ad- vice to give. But according to the light we at present have, and unless we should obtain further knowledge and light in the affair, it appears to us that the said Mrs. Grant, notwithstanding her peculiar trials, cannot be fully justified ; but has departed from that meekness and Christian spirit which becomes the followers of the meek and lowly Jesus ; particularly in indulging angry and pas- sionate conduct and expressions, tending to irritate and provoke her husband, and that however unjustifiable his conduct may be, yet that does not wholly ex- culpate her. We think that it would be proper, and suitable for her to make suitable reflections ; acknowledge she hath given occasion to her brethren and sisters of the church, of stumbling and to be dissatisfied. And upon her man-
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ifesting a becoming spirit, and desiring to walk with this church, in fellowship, we think they may and ought to restore her with meekness and love. But if she should refuse to make such reflections, and in all respects justify her con- duct, we think the church cannot consistently receive her; and considering the matter so peculiar and extensive in its operations we feel rather incompetent, without further light, to advise any further, but are of opinion that it is the duty of the church, to call in the aid and assistance of an ecclesiastical council, for 'in the multitude of councillors is safety,' and thereby endeavor to obtain further advice and direction as to their duty in this unusual and difficult affair.
A. R. ROBBINS. SAMUEL JOHN MILLS."
At this stage of the case, Rev. Mr. Gillett, as her pastor, asked Rev. Samuel J. Mills to see Mrs. Grant and learn what course to pursue, and give him advice. Mr. Mills's letter is preserved, and is a good representation of the ideas of those days concerning the re- sponsibilities of church relations, and is, therefore, here given:
" Rev. and dear Brother : I have had opportunity with Mrs. Grant and find that her leaving the deacon at the time she did was conceived by her to be real duty ; that her recovery turned upon it under providence That had she not done it, she would [have] been wanting to herself and criminally negligent. That she did not then foresee the consequences that such a step which then she thought to be duty, and still thinks so, was to issue in a total separation. She supposed her retiring for a short time was no breach of the marriage cove- nant ; that she might still perform the duties of a wife, after all, and he the duties of a husband ; that the fault is not on her side, that things are now cir- cumstanced as they are. She feels not however that she is free from fault. She is sorry that she threatened to sue the peace against him, and is willing to humble herself for it. She supposes no provocation ever so great would justify it. She is greatly grieved at being the occasion of grieving the church and giving an handle to any whereby to reproach the cause of Christ. She begs the compassion of God's church and people, and stands ready publicly to re- flect on herself so far as she can be convinced she ought to do it. I feel unable to direct or advise further in the matter than I already have. The cause of religion, the honor of the Christian church you are very sensible is of more consequence than the honor or peace of any individual. If such a settle- ment can be made as may secure religion from suffering, it must be an object to be desired. If such settlement cannot be made, which on the whole may give tolerable satisfaction, then further measures must be pursued.
Sensible of the embarrassments you, and the church labor under, and desirous to contribute my mite I use this freedom.
This from your affectionate Brother,
SAML. J. MLLLS.
To Rev. Mr. Gillett, To be communicated if you think expedient. Torringford, Sept. 20, 1794."
In the effort to have this matter settled Rev. Father Mills wrote a sort of confession, which is preserved in his hand writing, which
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he thought might be something like what might answer under the circumstances. This Mrs. Grant accepted, and also added in her own hand writing more than was suggested.
"I, the subscriber, Mindwell Grant, a member of the church of Christ in Torrington, sensible that the church are dissatisfied with me on account of the separation that has taken place between Dea. Grant and myself, and that they are apprehensive that I have not been innocent as to measures which have led on to this unhappy event, whereby religion is wounded, and the peace of the church disturbed ; take this opportunity publicly to acknowledge myself a poor, imperfect creature, and to own that under my weak state of body, and weakness of mind, with which I was attended at one time and another, I no doubt mani- fested on certain occasions an unsuitable temper of mind ; said and did things which under other circumstances I should not have said or done. I am far from justifying myself in all my conduct, or supposing that I can be excused from blame. Particularly would I reflect on myself for that expression in re- gard to swearing the peace against Deacon Grant ; and for whatever else I have said or done, whereby I have given just occasion for offense to any."
The following was added in her own hand.
" I ask the forgiveness of God and this church, and of all others who are ag- grieved, and request the prayers of my Christian brethren and sisters to God, that I henceforth conduct as a true and faithful disciple of Jesus Christ, and adorn the solemn vocation by which I have been called.
MINDWELL GRANT.
N. B. I stand ready also to return again to my husband as soon as a suitable door opens for that purpose. M. GRANT."
" The above confession made and accepted Sept. 28, 1794. Test. ALEX. GILLET, Pastor."
Whether right or wrong, the time has gone by when a wife may not swear the peace against her husband however dangerous a char- acter he may be, without incurring the censure of the church and good people ; and the time is also gone when the church is held re- sponsible for not settling every little or great difficulty, that it is im- possible for human beings to settle ; but what seems very strange is that it does not seem to have occurred to any of the people at that time, that there was a duty for the church to stand by a defenceless and helpless victim, if such might have been the case, and take re- proach, if reproach should come by defending the right. If this woman's life was endangered, which is not questioned in any of these papers, then the church should have protected her to the extent of its ability in a civilized country. It is not stated that Deacon Grant was a brutal man, but a paper is preserved with a number of names of citizens attached, attesting to his good character, but life may be endangered by neglect, which when known to the person, in a
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Christian view is equally criminal with overt acts, and it is very evi- dent that she thought her life in danger, and Father Mills does not seem to have doubted it.
There was a disposition in those days in men to lord it over their wives and families and many a woman has had double work, and stinted allowance of food dealt out to her by her lord who growled about the house like a bear ; and perhaps the matter was so common that it was judged to be right.
A certain man in this town, well known as having but little energy to provide for his family while his wife worked like a slave, was often complaining of his dispepsia and feeble state of health, and his frequent remark to his wife was in the morning after breakfast : "Now Betsey you need not cook but a small piece of pork for dinner, for I am feeling very poorly and cannot eat much," and then at dinner he would eat all the pork himself, leaving his wife and children to do the best they could on potatoes and broth. According to the very best authorities, tyranny in the family, by the lord thereof, was a common vice for ages in New England as well as in Old England. The claim that the husband is the head of the wife in government, is generally met at the present day with silent disgust, while the idea that he is the head to provide for, to care for, to protect and defend, is commonly accepted and honored.
Another case in this town affords some illustration of the old ideas of matrimony and the arbitrary conduct of the husband.
Thomas Marshall, the first of the name in the town, married Elizabeth Tudor Oct. 9, 1725 ; she being of French descent and of a wealthy family, brought quite a sum of money to Mr. Marshall, when he was married. They lived very unhappily many years, and in 1762, agreed to a separation, Mr. Marshall giving a certain bond to Dea. John Whiting, binding himself to pay to his wife, " twenty- six shillings quarterly" for her support.
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