USA > Nebraska > York County > York County, Nebraska and its people : together with a condensed history of the state, Vol. II > Part 15
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Wendall and Sovereign have stopped plowing their corn, for they were afraid they would spoil their hay crop as they think their corn ground will make two tons of foxtail hay to the acre. They say every farmer could raise enough foxtail hay to do them, like they do if it was not for laziness.
Hutchison was fined the usual pint for addressing the chairman lying down in the corner of the hall. The chairman remitted the fine because he was unable to stand up: his medicine did not agree with his stomach. As he lay in the corner he sang "We Won't Go Home 'Till Morning."
LAZY MAN'S CORNER
MAGNA CHARTA.
December 2, 1886.
The club met after a two weeks' recess, caused partly by cold weather, partly by scarcity of hoss medicine, and partly by having failed to sell our votes at the late election, to purchase winter clothing ; consequently our faded summer clothes were rather thin, to attend club meetings on stormy nights, when stimulants were searce. Chairman Wendall said to economize light Secretary Small would sit behind the lamp in such a position that his bald head could be used for a reflector to the lamp.
Miller moved that the committee on stimulants report immediately. as he was very dry ; he had been confined to the house during this cold weather, while his wife wore his boots to do the chores. Vandeventer then passed several bottles of St. Joseph whiskey. Hutchison said no wonder Missouri gave 40,000 democratie majority : after drinking such good medicine, he felt like voting the democratic ticket himself. Vandeventer then, as special reporter of the corners, of the late railroad excursion to St. Joseph, reported as follows: The committee, twenty-five of us in number, all opposed to voting bonds, left York for Grand Island. Arrived at Grand Island, found corn 3 cents per bushel higher there than at York; wheat, 10 cents : hogs, 25 to 50 cents higher : coal, from $1.25 to $2.75 per ton cheaper at the Island than at York. All these figures had no effect on the committee. Then T. W. Smith, who was acting as commissary general, took us to a place called a saloon : says, "Gentlemen, what will you have? Beer, whiskey straight, brandy sling, whiskey mash, ginger rum or cocktail?" We all answered in the affirmative. When all had their drinks on the counter ready to drink, T. W. said: "Boys, I am for bonds ; what are you for?" We all said, with a loud voice, and a clear conscience, "We are for taking something." We took something, by a large majority. After repeating the operation, ad infinitum, we took a vote on the bond question, which was carried unanimously. We then took supper, then something else. Then we were all in favor of doubling the amount of bonds that were asked. We took a sleeping car for St. Joseph, or rather the car took us. The porter thought it, a curious crowd : for some bunks had four in them, others one, and some none ; some slept on
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HISTORY OF YORK COUNTY
the floor. We arrived at St. Joseph the next morning. Riding on the cars gave us all the headache. and we were very dry. After drinking some Missouri River water we felt better, but towards night it began to make ns act very singular. Some seemed very serions, others very hilarious, but all were in good humor except J. B. Allen, who saw something he did not like, and began feeling for his revolver, but hiekily it had no cap on.
St. Joseph is a fine city, but the sidewalks are too narrow for men like ns who are used to broad prairies ; in fact, they were so narrow, we were in the street about half the time. The citizens, with southern hospitality, treated us so kindly that we will never forget it, especially the treating part. Your humble representative was a great favorite with the ladies, on account of his beauty. We will say right now, if they ever want any more bonds in this county, we speak for the job to go to St. Joseph to investigate.
We all brought back stimulants to do us till the bonds were carried, except the representatives from Morton, who failed to get enough to keep them up to the voting point, till election. Our captain, T. W. Smith, says he never can forget the kindness of the police of St. Joseph, in helping him collect his crowd and put them aboard the cars. By 9 o'clock they had collected about one-half the crowd in a place called a station (not a railroad station ) ; the rest he hauled to the cars in a carriage called a dray. We all got home safe, except one man who got hurt trying to come down a flight of stairs, headforemost at one step.
MAGNA CHARTA.
P. S. The committee was the most temperate crowd I ever saw (under the circumstances ; even such men as Buckley, Woolstenholm and Small were per- fectly sober all the time. Chairman Wendall said he would deliver his lecture as soon as the weather was warm enough to wear summer clothes. We think the singular conduct of the committee at St. Joseph was caused by climatic and atmospheric condition.
LAZY MAN'S CORNER
1888.
The club met at the residence of Hon. Richard Johnson (colored).
Chairman Flock ordered the janitor to fine Otto Intehison a quart of hoss medicine, a deck of cards and a fine-tooth comb for trying to put on style. by eating pie with one hand and a fork. The chairman said when he saw a naturalized or native-born American citizen of tolerable sound mind. dissecting pie with a fork and one hand, he lost all self-control, and it was Ineky for the culprit that the by- laws and constitution of the club positively prohibited capital punishment. The janitor was ordered to collect said fine, and pay it into the commissary for the general use of the club.
Hon. Richard Johnson (colored) said he wanted the people of this district to understand that he had not declined to run for Congress. He also wanted every- body to know that his health was good, except he had raised some gum boils on his fingers, picking the banjo. He was like General Sheridan, there was some dispute as to where he was born. Some said in the United States, while other good authori- ties said he was born in Missouri; while others equally as knowing said it would have been best for his mother and the community at large if he had not been born at all. Chairman Flock said so many of our great men were dying so sud- denly it made him feel a little weak in the knees. It looked as if the next great
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man that would be called to settle his accounts would be him or Bismarek. As he had done a few little inaccuracies (when a boy) that were not just according to Hoyle's unabridged dictionary, he had consulted Chaplain Briley, who thought something should be done d-d quiek, as he expected most any day to hear the telegraph flash the news throughout the length and thickness of this land, that Chairman Flock had collected the last delinquent tax list and last hard debt, and he would be called on to preach his funeral and eulogize his many shortcomings. That the club hall be draped in mourning and each member would be required not to drink anything for twenty-four hours that was flavored with alcohol. All would say the chairman was a good man of the kind. That he was like the rest of the club. a very promising man : that is, he promised a great deal but performed little. He would be missed by many, especially his wife, who would not have to take in washing to support him. The chairman said he wanted to join the best church, so his credentials would be a kind of a recommend so he would not have to depend entirely on his own platform. When he went out on the streets to see which church's members did the best, he could see no difference. In fact, he could not tell by their conduct, a church member from a son of a gun from Omaha.
Chaplain Briley in conclusion said there were some things he would like to see. He would like to see a lawyer that knew enough law and was honest enough that when you paid him to tell you the law on a certain point, you would not have to go into court and pay a hundred dollars' cost to find out that he was mistaken. He would like to see a doctor that knew enough medicine and had confidence enough in his ability, to take his own medicine when sick. lle would like to see a church member do in practice what he preached in theory. In other words, he wanted to see a church member that when he said a thing, we knew it was a fact because we knew he was a church member and not because we knew he was a truthful man. He would like to see a church member that had a horse to sell or trade that was more than "nine years old next spring." He would like to see a elmrch member have such a regard for truth that you would know he was a member of the church by his hoss he was trying to sell you being more than "nine years old next spring." He would like to see a merchant that was not selling goods at "less than cost," for when you buy goods of a man that is selling at "less than cost," then find out that you have paid twenty-five per cent more than you would have to pay the man that is selling for a good profit, it makes a man feel like he had declined a nomination for office, and your constituents had accepted your declination.
The janitor then passed the hoss medicine. and the club adjourned with three cheers for Jim Laird and dirty lard.
MAGNA CHARTA.
Lazy Man's Corner January 8, 1891.
The club met in Newman's office, chairman Flock presiding, sitting on a chair. The reason he did not preside standing was because he had more than he could stand lately. The reasons the club had not met for some time are various and very serious. Firstly, since the election Joe Boyer would let no one have stimulants on time, but the independents. It seemed to him that all the good things of this world was for the exclusive benefit of the independents. Secretary C. A. MeCloud took the $250 that was sent to York for the use of this elub and its friends to beat prohibition and bet it on the election, and we have so far failed to see any of said
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HISTORY OF YORK COUNTY
$250, or the $250 he was sure to win. We begin to suspect that he bet it on the wrong hoss, as a good deal of his money went in the same way. We begin to feel a little weak in the stomach. If we had that $250 and the $250 we ought to have won we would have been heeled for this winter. Thirdly, we have had no place to hold our club meetings, as all through the late lamented campaign we held our meetings in the rooms of the republican committee, but since the election we could never get a quorum in said committee rooms because most of the members of this club was afraid of graveyards, ghosts, and haunted rooms. In rooms where great men have been killed in cold blood, strange noises are heard and blood-curdling phantoms flit about the room. The paraphernalia of the late campaign that was left in the aforesaid rooms looked as forlorn and desolate as a graveyard of a dark night. Our members could have stood all this, but were afraid they might hear an echo of one of those soul-stirring speeches that were delivered by Hon. E. A. Gilbert, Hon. J. W. Small, and Hon. T. Eddy Bennett. We were compelled to hear said speeches before the election, but now we are afraid of an echo of them after night. The chairman said the club was now ready for business. Hon. Richard Johnson (colored) said as there were no stimulants to stimulate us to deeds of daring and desperation, Choir- master T. J. Hatfield would please sing that soul-stirring campaign song he sang so feelingly during the late campaign, entitled "MeKeighan Running Through the Corn, Watch Him or He Will Take Another Ilorn." As T. J. Hatfield arose to sing the song, E. A. Gilbert took the croup, C. A. McCloud took a fit, J. W. Small, the flatulency ; N. A. Dean took the cholera infantum and the janitor took the singer out of the room. The singing of campaign songs was laid on the table. Hon. Rich- ard Johnson (colored) then continued his remarks. The poet said "The saddest words ever penned, was, it might have been." The man that wrote that thought he was saying something smart and wise, but had never been through a political fight resulting like the late eussed disaster. Ile did not eare a cuss for what "might have been." What is and what is to be, is what looks so appalling to this elub. To see Tom Smith, Corcoran, Governor Kelso, Hurlbut, J. D. P. Small, Jerry Martin, Captain Eberhardt, George Bowers, et al., talking right before our eyes, and in our hearing in this fashion: "We will put this independent in Doc. Newman's place. That one in Shreck's place, the other one in Reader's place," etc. Just as though there had never been a republican party in the county, nor ever would be again. This is what made Chairman Flock's hair so white. It was not caused by excessive piety, hard drink, high living or fast women, but trouble over the downfall of our nation, for the farmers don't know any more about how to run a government than I did about those hides a couple of years ago. We won't miss the offiees so much as we will the salaries attached thereto. This grand old party must be reorganized. We must have better discipline, so when a man wants to withdraw from the party we must draw him back again. This want of discipline was the cause of our present trouble, and M. C. Frank is the cause of it all. When he demanded MeKeighan to withdraw from the late campaign on account of his record if he had enforced strict discipline and made him withdraw all this sorrow and trouble would have been avoided. You see, it was a bad example when Frank failed to make Me. withdraw. Nobody would withdraw but republicans. It looks like most all of them had withdrawn. John Kelso offered the following preamble and resolutions :
Whereas, The eyesight of chairman Flock was failing, and
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HISTORY OF YORK COUNTY
Whereas, he can't see anything in the room where he is now located, therefore be it-
SOMETIMES ON ITSELF
The press, neither pioneer or modern, does not always parry its thrusts at other towns, but sometimes indulges in a little playful humor directed at its own town. Evideneing this, we reproduce from the York New Teller of February 26, 1913: What's in a Name ?- After Mature Deliberation It Is Decided to Change York's
and Keep the Change-Send in Your Change. It'll Do You Good-P. S .: Since the Change in the Weather This Morning Many People Have Changed Their Minds, So This Article Is Withdrawn-Don't Read It.
"York" is a poor name for a town.
Now that complaint has been made about it, the New Teller has decided to change it. Our readers are invited to make suggestions, to which no attention will be paid, though the names of the suggesterers will be published in hinge, fat, black, juicy type.
Sinee the foregoing was written, hundreds of suggestions have not been received at this offiee.
Mrs. Pankhurst sent a cablegram as soon as she got out of jail this morning: "Why not name it 'Pork'? Your ball team is always on the pig train."
A wireless message came at six o'clock tomorrow evening, signed by the three members of the W. C. T. U. in Grand Island. It read: "We suggest the name 'Cork' for your town, as your ball team habitually gets it in the neck."
W. G. Boyer, who was connected with the York Alfalfa Mills, sent this by parcels post : "Call it 'Fork'-there would be some point to that. It might attraet some pitchers for the ball team,"
Though it can't possibly get here before next week, a telegram is momentarily expected from Mr. Woodrow Boat of Fairview, which will say: "Don't get dis- couraged. Name it 'Yorrick.' The fans in the state leagne have been saying, 'Alas. poor Yorrick !' for two seasons."
Jim Dahlman expressed this, collect, expressly from Hot Springs: "I under- stand your mayor and city council are protesting against the name of your city, and will submit the proposition to the voters at a special election. Spare the useless expense, since York will continue to be known in Douglas County as 'The Holy City."
So the New Teller has decided not to change the name after all, though, by all the violets that ever growed, we've got just as darn good a right to change it as anyone else.
'The old-time newspaper showed more real partisan bitterness and exercised more intense vitriolie abuse than the modern press is accustomed to display. Just a couple of excerpts indicative of this phase of newspaper "penmanship" are here included :
"The republican party in Nebraska fairly roars for fear the populist party has been swallowed by the democratic party and because the free-silver republicans have also been gulped down by this cannibalistic brute. There-there, dear, don't fret. You're too old and senile to be startled by such bogie stories. We promise that "the Gobble'un shan't get you,' and we'll sure trounce anyone who scares you again.
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so that you 'see things at night' in this way. Just carry your record around with you and nothing will ever swallow you.
"What a precious old hypocrite you are, to be sure; and what a transparent dodge you are trying to work in this campaign. A few weeks ago your man Johnson was describing the slimy. spiney, unswallowableness of the dread Glasticutis of Anarchy that had its hole in Polk County, the fearful Jabberwock of populism and the Willowpus wallopns of free-silver republicanism and a thousand other snaky things that made us dream of prehistoric natural history, and now he tells us that the democratic party has swallowed all this menagerie: Ye gods, what a digestion the democratic party must have. If the story of Jonah's whale is an allegory, this must be something worse, and that's what we guess it is. Tell another.
"And now a word to the faithful: Don't waste any time worrying yourselves about the men of the democratic party unless it should eat something that would disable it for this campaign. Our populist organization is complete and more efficient than it ever was before. The republicans know that unless they can start discord in our ranks, we are certain to make the dry bones rattle from Chadron to Peru as they never did before in Nebraska.
"And now comes the Times, a little two-for-a-cent sheet and by courtesy called a daily, published over on the north side of the square, and attempts to sneer the Democrat out of town because it dare to venture an honest criticism upon the policy of the public school embarking in the show business. The trouble was occasioned by an article in last week's Democrat commenting upon the production of the opera, 'Little Tycoon,' by the public school. This paper asserted upon reasonably good authority, information and belief that such practices had a certain demoraliz- ing effect upon the school and its work for good. The Times does not take kindly to this idea, but closes its article in last Friday's daily thus :
"'Now that is the gospel as expounded by the Democrat. It savors of the mould and moth of fifty years' accumulation. The real facts are that never before was such interest taken in the schools and school work, both by pupils and parents, as during the present year. The "Little Tycoon" was given to raise money for the library, and to that end the pupils united with their friends and worked hard for the successful termination of the undertaking. True, some pleasure and enjoy- ment was derived from its preparation, but where is the mossback who will dare venture the assertion that it was not of a wholesome nature, or that it had a "demoralizing effect upon the school and its work for good." The schools have been doing most excellent work and, as it may seem strange to the Democrat, right through the "Little Tycoon" season. The venture terminated successfully in every particular. It awakened more interest in the schools, and the pupils worked with more zest and energy. It is the opinion of the Times that Professor McClelland understands his business pretty thoroughly, and don't need newspaper suggestions.'
"The Democrat is sorry for the Times. We have no desire to keep up this con- troversy, knowing that to go into all the facts must result in a detriment to the York high school. Even if the Times and Professor McClelland do not know it, this paper knows that a very large and respectable number of the patrons of school district No. 12 are not satisfied with the venture of the high school in the show business. Many good men who have children in the school have spoken in terms concerning the matter that cannot be misunderstood. We have yet to meet a man that indorses the venture. There is no need to compromise pupils, or innocent par-
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HISTORY OF YORK COUNTY
ticipants to go into facts. The Democrat may be a mossback, but it certainly dares to assert that such practices are not calculated to benefit the school, and in so saying we do not fear those who make the inquiry as to who 'dare venture the assertion.' There are a great many facts connected with this matter which would not appear well in print, and we sincerely hope that there will be no need of making them public. Professor McClelland may 'understand his business pretty thoroughly and may not need newspaper suggestions,' but he evidently needs some suggestions from a board of education, with backbone enough to drive the theatrical craze out of the public schools."
Coming down to our own day, let us peruse a "lew squawks" from
The World's Poorest Newspaper THE DAILY SQUAWKER
Volume A No. 287 ISSUED ANY DARN TIME WE PLEASE OR OFTENER
In The Interests ol Nobody
Pure Locals Brake, brake, brake-on thy cold, gray stones, oh see-
You can brake away till the brake of day And not be as broke as me.
Candidate Cox, who is candidating for the presidency on the democrat ticket, it is alleged, was had to stop in York a Monday last to pay visit to the editor of the Squawker. We were pleased to receive the extinguished guest-he must be extinguished on ac'et he went out on the Burlington. We received him on his special train for itfen he had came down town he might a staid to lunch. "Hullo, Cox," said we. "Hullo, Squawker," he bril- liantly replied. "What do you want?" asked we, with our usual kindly hos- pitality. "Will you vote for me?" asked he face-blank. "Naw," said we. "Why not." asked he. "Because you have not got no nickname," said we, "and we do not like to vote for a man who has not got no nickname." "Why don't you give me one?" asked he. "Because we can't think of nothing," we sorrowfully replied, "unless it would be 'Foxy Cox,' or 'Proxy Cox,' or 'Smallpox Cox.'
How are we going to find a nickname for a man who has got a name like ox ?"
"A rose by any other name Would smell as sweet," said he.
"So would the sox that Mr. Cox Wears on his feet." said we.
"To speak of sox is very bad taste." said he. "Some sox is." said we, "in very bad odor on ac'et they are so loud, but we refer to the nice, quiet, refined silk ones like what the poor working- men and politicians and the chorus girls wear-they all have to have 100 per cent silk sox on ac'et they kick so much, but 2 per cent kick is enough for the great middle class." "I ain't no reactionary," said he. "Neither is Harding," said we, for we were on, he was reputed to be running for office. "Harding hasn't got no nickname eyther." said he. "No," said we, "you Have both got hiek-names and darned if we'll vote for eyether one of you." Our metal and made up our mind that Mr. Cox couldn't tell any bigger lie than we could even if-"Whom will you vote for then?" asked he. "We rather think we'll vote for Debs," said we. "Because he's got a nickname?" asked he with a sneer. "Because he's
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in jail." said we, "for iffen we've got to have a reactionary anyhow, you'll have to admit that he's much safer and probably just as sane as eyether one of you. We would as soon vote for a jail- bird as a railbird." "I don't need your vote," said he. "That's why you got a special train," said we. "Toot-toot !" said the engineer. "That's a pretty weak toot," said we. "Aren't yon going to fix it so that underpaid engineer can get at least a two per cent toot when he wets his whistle?" "Tut-tut !" said Mr. Cox. "Toot-toot !" said the en- gineer. "Ta-ta," said we. Such is life.
Some corn erop.
What has become of Ex-Mare Wray ?
Do your Xmas shopping early.
Knockers are seldom workers.
Next Friday is the Worst of the month, and we will be out of town.
We are still waiting for Lige Leavitt to come accrost with the balance of the coal we ordered a year ago last June.
Sossiety
Carl Behling, a hot-dog merchant from Long Beach, is in the city at present. He looks sheepish when you ask him how he likes the West.
Sports
York lady golphers skun lastings ditto recently. We don't want to get Jawn Raeside, our perfessional, in bad but it should be recorded, for its scien- tific value, thai Jawn states that it is a well established fact, proven by figures, that the better looking a lady golpher is the poorer game she plays. We hope the Hastings contingent will give our players a return match in the
near future. And we feel sure York will win-we hasten to add.
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