USA > New Jersey > Essex County > Newark > History of St. John's Church, Newark > Part 10
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ministers was utterly subversive of sacerdotal authority. A good preacher could always command attention, and a salary, while rather than have a poor one, a parish would sooner go without. The overbearing influence of the laity, the principle of private judgment, and in fact, though in a less degree and than in other Protestant sects, the false principles of the Reformers pre- vailed. Very Catholic doctrine was preached about the sacra- ments, but the practice did not carry out the teaching. The Body of our Lord, as I believed it to be, was left lying about the "Altar," and even strewn upon the floor, the chalice was rinsed into the basin which served for washing, etc. I never shall forget in this connexion, the influence which the "ablution" had upon me the first time I assisted at your Mass. I felt and owned the reality. Slowly it began to break upon me that the "Church" of which I was a "Deacon," was not the one Catholic, but one of the many Protestant sects, the leading, and most respectable if you will, but still, Protestant. I do not say that
saw all this as clearly then as I do now, but the I unwelcome thought would break in upon me, "What if the Roman were the true, were the Catholic Church?" Still the desire to remain where I was, the feeling that these were mere temptations, enabled me to maintain my position with a strange quiet of conscience. In my walks in the discharge of my calling, the Cross of your Cathedral spire, glittering in the sunlight, would flash upon my eye, as if to tell me that there alone would He be found Who died for us upon it. Your Schools with the good Sisters would suggest unpleasant comparisons, doing ten times the work, with a tenth of the outlay, that others were elsewhere doing. The earnest faith of the poor Catholic Irish with whom I met edified me exceedingly, and made me long for the same earnestness, and uncompromisingness in the belief of the truth in those with whom I dealt. The utter ignorance on the part of most of the English Emigrants, in the place of the claims of the Episcopal Church upon them, was a striking contrast to the manner in which their brothers and sisters from Ireland found their way, "true as the needle to the pole" to your
Churches, much as there was of worldly considerations to impede them. The kindness, unvaried, and uninterrupted, which I received from the Rector of the Parish, and from its members, my gratitude for which I am glad to put on record, I can never forget, but that could not make up for the want of Catholicity. I can only repay it by the earnest prayer that they may come to see, by God's grace, the utter unsecurity of the reed on
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which they rest, before it breaks, and wounds their hands, eternally.
So far as I have observed them the Puseyite party in America has never had the consistency which has characterized many of the members of the same party in England. It has been a first principle with most of them, one with which they started, never to go to "Rome." They may be found consequently going to all sorts of extremes, one in one way, and another in another, but always keeping themselves within the limits of their sect. Their principles, in their logical consequences, lead directly to the Church, but with a marvellous sleight of mind, they arrest themselves in full course, and from the most obvious premises, no deduction follows. Far different has been the course pursued in England. Men have thrown themselves there into the new theory, willing to go whither God would lead them.
"Lead, Kindly light, amid the encircling gloom,
Lead Thou me on,
The night is dark, and I am far from home, Lead Thou me on,"
has been their cry, and God has led many of them on from one truth to another, from one grace to another, until they have found themselves at the door of the Fold. Though to enter, they must lay aside everything, their dignity, their influence, the result of the labors of a lifetime, their homes, their hearths, with no prospect before them except their reliance upon the Providence of God, they have knocked and that gate which to those who knock in faith is ever opened has received them. Those, who like their American brethren have refused to correspond to the grace given them, are impotently struggling to avert the sure fate of that church in which they have placed their hopes, seeing it stripped of the only two Sacraments it retained, and gradually falling into the vortex of rationalism which has engulphed Continental Protestantism.
But to return to my story, and I find myself at the period of my visit to Burlington. While there the chief topic of conversation was the action to be taken upon the "Memorial" of certain presbyters, and laymen, to the General Convention, or that part of it called the House of Bishops, proposing changes which would involve an alteration in the prayer-book. To my surprise I found the greatest sensitiveness upon this subject. This Church, this Catholic Church which was to be guided by the Holy Spirit into all truth, which if it means anything, means
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that in doctrine it cannot or was not to be trusted with a revision of its ritual, because once touched, it would never be safe. The Baptismal offices might be changed, and that part of them which enunciates a belief in regeneration might be left out. This was as you may suppose a heavy blow, one utterly inconsistent with the theory of those from whose mouth it fell. From that moment I may say my confidence in Anglican- ism was shaken, and though I may not have been conscious of it, though memories of the past, and hopes of the future, and ties of nature and of friendship most intimate, may have combined their force to enable me to shut my eyes to what was immediately before me, and to glose my conscience with a false security, from that moment I could no more find rest in such a sand-founded house. It may be said I should have asked advice in this, and all my other doubts, but what reliance could I place on the advice of those who admitted such a possibility? It may be said and truly, that I spoke sharply of the conversion of a dear friend, whom it is also, and not so truly, said I "pitied." (The object of this word is no doubt to lessen the moral value of his conversion. He will suffer me to say that I admired in him that utter unwillingness to tamper with the truth, or to close his mind, for temporal con- siderations, to the voice of faith and reason, which has led him where he is.) I did speak sharply, but it was the last throe of Protestantism in me. I did it almost against myself. It was a last effort to reconcile myself to my position. On the fourth of August, S. Dominic's day, I returned to Newark. I had time during the journey for reflection and consideration. "The last straw was laid upon the camel's back," and it could bear no more. Most unwillingly I found myself afloat, adrift, no longer a Protestant, nor yet a Catholic. God only knows Who led me safely through what I endured-the thought of the grief at home, the breaking up of ties, and of associations which were dearer to me than life itself, the imputation of false motives-everything in fine which the heart most dreads, stood before me to keep me back. But His Grace was stronger than them all. It concerned the salvation of a never-dying soul, one step back, and it was lost, perhaps forever. That night, at Rahway, you stepped into the car in which I was. It seemed to me providential, and I took it as such, and determined, yes before I slept, for who knew that that night might be my last, to seek counsel, and comfort from you, who, if anyone
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could, I knew, could give it to me. All this will show how incorrect the inference which the facts in the statement are calculated to give, that I left Burlington a satisfied Protestant, and reached Newark a confirmed Catholic. The operation had been a slow, even an unconscious one, until at last, on that night it was brought to its resolution. There are many ways to the Church, and this was mine-the inconsistency, and unreality of Puseyism. The ass may wear the lion's skin, and pass for the king of beasts, but some unlucky moment will arrive when the fraud will be detected, and no amount of simulated roars, and shaking of the mane, and lashing of the tail, will deceive him who has detected it again. In this state of mind I went to the Rector. After a short conversation, I men- tioned the conversation of the friend already referred to. So far as I remember some epithet was used with reference to it, implying precipitation. I asked almost involuntarily "What is a man to do under these circumstances?" His reply was
"leave his cure, investigate the subject, for whatsoever is not of faith, is sin." These words of Holy Scripture fell like a thunder clap upon me. The next day was Sunday, and I was to communicate at the hands of one in whom I recognized no more authority to celebrate that rite, than in myself. "What- soever is not of faith, is sin." The final influx of grace was given which enabled me to surmount all obstacles, and I went to you as one who certainly, a Bishop of the Catholic Church, could tell me my duty in the premises. I was excited, I freely own it. His heart must be of stone, who would not be at such a moment, but that it prevented me from knowing what I was doing, or served as anything more than as a stimulus to action, I deny. Would that all those who are now agonized by doubts, would do the same. You, Right Reverend Father, fully under- stood my position, for you had gone through the same your- self. In a very few words you showed me where I was, and what I ought to do. It was all there before, stamped upon my mind by God's grace, but my visit to you served as the vapor bath does to the metallic plate, to bring out the forms and features which the Sun has painted upon it. You advised me to be patient, and to wait, to write to Burlington, and state my condition. This I did. On Sunday evening I wrote to Burl- ington, and bade a silent farewell to the Church in which I had taken such interest, and to the children whom it was my greatest pleasure to instruct. I offered them, myself, my all, a sacrifice
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to the God who called me to leave them. In accordance with your advice, I went quietly home, gave myself to prayer to know the will of God, and endeavored to satisfy my filial duties. It is said that I arrived a "Papal petrefaction." From a case similar to my own, I knew what I had to expect, and knew that nothing would be left untried, no appeal to my feelings unused, to endeavor to swerve me from my purpose. And knowing how weak the flesh is, I nerved myself to the encounter. Had the heart had its own way, all would have been lost. That in it the tenderness of love was any less, I utterly deny, but that the avenues to it were blocked up lest through it I might be lost, I freely confess. If an earnest effort to follow God's will, even when it called for an entire immolation of all that the human heart holds most dear, constitute a "Papal pet- refaction," then I was one, but not so otherwise. Abraham was the same when he offered his son, his only son Isaac, at God's command. What had I to gain, humanly speaking? I had to leave a denomination composed of the most influential, learned and wealthy portion of the community, to attach myself to a Church despised, persecuted, and trodden upon. So had Matthew, and Peter, and the sons of Zebedee, and he whose father lay unburied. Did no ties of flesh draw them back, and if they did, what mercy did Jesus show them: "Follow thou Me." Forced to appear a Protestant while I was a Catholic in heart, to take part in service of the illegitimacy of which I was perfectly persuaded, my position was anything but com- fortable, and could not but be seen in my manner. Any admission on my part of having done wrong in going to you, must be attributed to the tremendous pressure to which I was subjected by my feelings at that time. As a bird, my soul had escaped out of the snare of the fowler, and I longed to flee away and be at rest. I went to Newport at the request of one whom it was always my greatest happiness to obey, and whom to oppose, as at this time, was one of the hardest trials to which I ever was subjected, to make some further examina- tion of the question. I did so, and that, which I had accepted on the faith of a Church, which could not err, I found perfectly supported by rational enquiry. And to bring this long story to an end, I was received by you into the Catholic Church, on the feast of S. Thomas of Villanova, September 22nd, A. D. 1855. I need not tell you, Right Reverend Father, how completely my assurances have been realized that I should find the Church
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to satisfy all the earnest longings of our redeemed nature; how the longer I live her life, and listen to her majestic voice, and am sustained my her Heavenly Sacraments; the more I learn of her ways in bringing the world to God, her works of spiritual and corporal mercy; the more I recognize her to be the one Church founded by our Blessed Lord upon the Rock against which the gates of hell shall not prevail; with the commission to teach all nations, faithfully fulfilled; and the unceasing evidence of His Presence which shall endure to the end of time.
I have purposely avoided a theological discussion of the ques- tion. My duties leave me no time for this, and there are books enough for those who wish to read, such as Dr. Milner's "End of Controversy," Cardinal Wiseman's "Lectures on the Church," Dr. Ives' "Trials of A Mind," Dr. Newman's "Anglican Difficulties," and "Catholicism in England," Mr. Wilberforce's "Principles of Church Authority," Mr. Allie's "St. Peter, His Name and Of- fice," Dr. Hay's "Sincere Christian," and to mention no more the "Clifton Tracts." I would simply ask, did our Lord found a Church, did He give to it plentitude of jurisdiction, and infallibility of doctrine, did He promise to be with it forever? If so can it have lived, can fifteen centuries have passed away and His promise have come to an end to Whom "a thousand years are as one day?" Can He have made use of the lust of an English monarch to restore it to the purity it had lost? O! no, either His promises have been fulfilled, and the Church of all the ages whose centre is at Rome, and whose wide embrace enfolds by far the largest portion of Christianity, is the Church which He founded then; or His promises have failed which to admit is to become an infidel at once. Let those who are not of us, ask themselves these questions in perfect faith, and then like little children say: "Speak, Lord, for thy servant heareth, Teach me to do Thy will; Lord, what wilt Thou have me to do?" Grace will be given them to find their way to the Church, and once within its sacred pale, they will find that they have indeed entered the Church of the Living God. But if they arrogantly content themselves with reasoning about it and making the most of any little difficulty they may encounter, shut out the light of truth which beams upon them from every quarter, they will be left to their own devices as unworthy of the gift of faith. The earnest words of Dr. New- man will speak far better than I can to those who are still where I was, and with them I close this letter beseeching them not to turn a deaf ear to such a witness:
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"There is but one set of persons, indeed, who inspire the Catholic with special anxiety, as much so as the open sinner, who is not peculiar to any communion, Catholic or schismatic, and who does not come into the present question. There is one set of persons in whom every Catholic must feel intense interest, about whom he must feel the gravest apprehension: viz, those who have some rays of light vouchsafed to them as to their heresy, and as to their schism, and who seem to be clos- ing their eyes upon it; or those who have actually gained a clear view of the nothingness of their own communion, and the reality and divinity of the Catholic Church, yet delay to act upon their knowledge. You, my dear brethren, are in a very different state from those around you. You are called by the inscrutable grace of God to a great benefit, which to refuse is to be lost. You cannot be as others: they pursue their own way, they walk over this wide earth, and see nothing wonderful or glorious in the sun, moon, and stars of the spiritual heavens; or they have an intellectual sense of their beauty, but no feeling of duty or of love towards them; or they wish to love them, and think they ought not, lest they should get a distaste for the mire and foulness, which is their present portion. They have not yet had the call to enquire, and to seek and to pray for further guidance, infused into their hearts by the gracious spirit of God; and they will be judged according to what is given them, not by what is not. But on you the thought has dawned that possibly Catholicism may be true; you have doubted the safety of your present position, and the present pardon of your sins, and the completeness of your present faith. You, by means of that very system in which you find yourselves have been led to doubt that system. If the Mosaic law given from above was a schoolmaster to lead souls to Christ, much more is it true that an heretical creed, when properly understood, warns us against itself, and frightens us from it, and is forced against its will to open for us with its own hands its prison gates, and to show us the way into a better country. So has it been with you. You set out in simplicity and earnestness, intending to serve it, and your very serving taught you to serve another. You began to use its prayers, and act upon its rules, and they did but witness against it, and made you love it, not more but less, and carried off your affections to one whom you had not loved. The more you gazed upon your own communion, the ¡Lectures on Anglican Difficulties, Lecture XI.
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more unlike it you grew; the more you tried to be good An- glicans, the more you found yourselves drawn in heart and spirit to the Catholic Church. It was the destiny of the false prophetess that she could not keep the little ones who devoted themselves to her; and the more simply they gave up their private judgment to her, the more sure they were of being thrown off by her, against their will, into the current of attractions which led straight to the true mother of their souls. So month has gone on after month, and year after year; and you have again and again vowed obedience to your own church, and you have protested against those who left her, and you have thought you found in them what you liked not, and you have prophesied evil about them, and good about yourselves; and your plans seemed prospering and your influence extending, and great things were to be; and yet, strange to say, at the end of the time you have found yourselves steadily advanced in the direction which you feared, and never were nearer to the promised land than you are now.
"O, look well to your footing that you slip not; be very much afraid lest the world should detain you; dare not in anything to fall short of God's grace, or to lag behind when that grace goes forward. Walk with it, co-operate with it, and I know how it will end. You are not the first persons who have trodden that path; yet a little time, and please God, the bitter shall be sweet, and the sweet bitter, and you will have undergone the agony, and shall be lodged safely in the true home of your souls, and the valley of peace. Yet but a little while, and you will look out from your resting place upon the wanderers outside; and wonder they do not see the way which is now so plain to you, and be impatient with them that they do not come on faster. And whereas you now are so perplexed in mind that you seem to yourselves to believe nothing, then you will be so full of faith that you will almost see invisible mysteries, and will touch the threshold of eternity, and you will be so full of joy that you will wish all around you partakers of it, as if for your own relief, and you will suddenly be filled with yearnings deep and passionate, for the salvation of those dear friends whom you have outstripped; and you will not mind their cool- ness, or stiffness, or distance, or constrained gravity for the love you bear to their souls. And though they will not hear you, you will address yourselves to those who will; I mean you will weary Heaven with your novenas for them, and you will
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be ever getting Masses for their conversion, and you will go to Communion for them, and you will not rest till the bright morning comes, and they are yours once again. O, is it possible that there is a resurrection even upon earth! O, wonderful grace, that there should be a joyful meeting, after parting, before we get to Heaven! It was a weary time that long suspense, when with aching hearts we stood on the brink of a change, and it was like death to witness, and to undergo, when first one and then another disappeared from the eyes of their fellows, and their friends stood on different sides of a gulf, and for years knew nothing of each other, or their welfare, and then they fancied of each other what was not, and there were misunder- standings and jealousies; and each saw the other as his ghost, only in imagination, and in memory; and all was suspense, and anxiety, and hope delayed, and ill-requited care. But now it is all over; the morning is come; the separate shall unite. I see them, as if in sight of me. Look at us, my brethren, from our glorious land; look on us radiant with the light cast on us by the Saints and Angels who stand over us; gaze on us as you approach and kindle as you gaze. We died, you thought us dead, we live; we cannot return to you, you must come to us- and you are coming. Do not your hearts beat as you approach us? Do you not long for the hour which makes us one? Do not tears come into your eyes at the thought of the super- abundant mercy of your God?"
"Sion, the city of our strength, a Saviour, a wall and a bul- wark shall be set therein. Open ye the gates and let the first nation that keepeth the truth enter in; the old error is passed away; Thou wilt keep peace, peace because we have hoped in Thee. In the way of Thy judgments, O, Lord, we have patiently waited for Thee. Thy name, and Thy remembrance are the desire of the soul, O Lord our God. Other lords besides Thee have had dominion over us; but in Thee only may we remember Thy name. The dead, let them not live; the Giants let them not rise again; therefore Thou hast visited, and des- troyed them, and hast destroyed all their memory."
Commending myself and the object for which this is written to your prayers, I am, Right Reverend and very dear Father,
Most dutifully,
Your son in the Faith, GEORGE H. DOANE.
"A Letter" reveals the sublimity of mind, the purity
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of heart, the nobility of character of the late Right Rev. George Hobart Doane, who in life was so often misunderstood, even by those most dear to him. The story of his conversion to Catholicity contains the key which unfolds the secrets of his soul in quest of truth ; and that story is presented by the author for the edification of this and future generations.
The following copy of a historic document is an evidence of the sacredness of the family ties that were broken, and the painful wounds inflicted by the step taken by George Hobart Doane in uniting with the Catholic Church :
"DIOCESE OF NEW JERSEY
"Sentence of Deposition from the ministry in the case of "Rev. George Hobart Doane, M.D., Deacon.
"To all, everywhere, who are in communion with the "One Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church:
"Be it known that George Hobart Doane, M.D., deacon of this diocese, having declared to me in handwriting his renunciation of the ministry, which he received at my hands, from the Lord Jesus Christ, and his design not to officiate in future in any of the offices thereof, intending to submit him- self to the schismatical Roman instrusion, is deposed from the ministry, and I hereby pronounce and declare him to be deposed, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost, Amen.
"Given at Riverside, this fifteenth day of September, in the year of Our Lord 1855, and in the twenty-third of my con- secration.
"G. W. DOANE, D.D., L.L.D., "Bishop of New Jersey. "In the presence of Milo Mahan, D.D, Presbyter
"Marcus F. Hyde, A. M., Presbyter."
"This sentence was not executed until the provision of the canon 'where the party has acted unadvisedly and hastily,' which is preeminently the present case had been offered, urged and refused. It only remains for me humbly to ask the prayers of the faithful in Christ Jesus, that my erring child may be brought back to the way of truth and peace; and for myself, that I may have grace to bear and do the holy will of God.
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