USA > Pennsylvania > Lehigh County > Bethlehem > Bethlehem and Bethlehem school (history of Moravian Seminary and College for Women (Bethlehem, Pa.)) > Part 10
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And now a scene of consternation and confusion ensued. The excitement was intense. Agitation and anxiety were strongly blended upon the fea- tures of every one of that gathered assembly, more especially among that youthful band who but a few brief moments before, had appeared so full of pleas- urable emotions.
The entertainment had, of course, immediately to be broken up. A gathering directly took place around poor Sister Maria, and presently after she was gently borne away to the sick-room of the Institution, by some of the sympathizing associate sisters. A physician had been directly sent for. In the mean- while, the scholars in their respective classes, were quietly despatched to their dormitories ; where soon hushed was every voice, naught being heard through the vast apartments, save the breathing of the many sleepers, together with the distant footfall and soft whispers of anxious watchers, hovering in attend- ance near the couch of the unfortunate sufferer.
Long she remained in that fearful swoon, after-
168
DEATH-BLOW.
wards fainting fits succeeded; then again she lay in a trance-like lethargy, and days passed, ere she was fully aroused to consciousness to continue for any length of time. But better, far better, she had never revived; and instead, died directly from the pestiferous venom of that cruel tongue, than to return to life ; to agonizing remembrance of that painful scene, and as busy, faithful memory brought it before her, to feel its baneful influence, its poisonous effects shooting athwart the chambers of her very soul, pervading every fibre of her frame, and sapping even the life-blood of her existence. For with restoration to her mental powers, came the recollection of the whole of the lamentable affair.
How the secret so long faithfully kept, had been so publicly and cruelly divulged, in consequence hurling her from her high envied place of position, down,-down, to the lowest degradation, to the mean level of the despised and accursed race from which she had sprung ; how this painful circumstance became known, was perfectly inexplicable to her, that she was the child of a base-born woman, a negro slave. Sometimes she would fain hope that all which had occurred was but a dream, a fright- ful dream; but her throbbing temples, the wildl beating of her heart, with the tortures which ran- kled there, and memory, with unclouded reason, soon dispelled this illusion.
Then by turns she sobbed and raved; weeping
169
THAT DARK STAIN.
as if her very heart would break. It was piteous to see and hear her, especially as vain were all the efforts made to cheer her. She would neither bo comforted nor consoled. There was a poignancy in the bitterness of her sorrow, in the nature of the wound her feelings had received; which seemed to find no relief in the ordinary ministrations of sym- pathizing kindness. No marvel, therefore, that she refused its soothing influence, and instead, con- tinned to grieve on, and fret her life away. Yet for a space she lingered upon the threshold of eternity, and until a short time previous to her de- parture, remained in a sad, unhappy, and melan- choly state of mind. Except when under the ef- fects of strong opiates, she continued to weep and bewail her hateful birth, also to blame the authors of her being, for her wretched existence.
" Oh that dark stain ! far worse than the brand- ed mark of Cain !- would that my tears could wash it away! But no-though years have con- cealed it, it now appears again as fresh and new as ever, and there is nothing now left for me to do but to die !- yes, for very shame to die ! "-
Then again, she would murmur words like these, or of similar import : "A low, mean, nigger-woman; -yes, I cannot deny that ;- yet I am not black ;- I am white; almost as white as she is: yet, she says I am a nigger ;- but I am white; indeed I am white :" then stripping up the sleeves of her night- dress, and stretching out her arms exclaimed, " See,
8
170
THE VICTIM.
I am white !- perfectly white !- my arms, my face, my hands! where is the black blood ?-- not here ! not here! nowhere !- my skin is all white !- then why call me a low, mean, nigger-woman !" Then again she wept bitterly.
" Compose yourself, my poor dear Maria," said some one who heard her talking thus : "pray do not distress yourself any more, about what that wicked girl said : you must try to dismiss it entirely from your mind, and endeavor now to get some sleep, -won't you?" she added coaxingly.
"It is no use," she replied ; "sleeping or waking it constantly haunts my memory. Nor can I forgive Mary Young those cruel words."
" But indeed, Maria, that would be unchristian- like. You must try not only to forgive her, but to forget it all."
"A low, mean, nigger-woman-and would no longer submit to the degradation of being taught by me: this was what she meant: and then her look-that dreadful look of hate and scorn-of proud defiance-and from one too, upon whom I had bestowed the greatest possible pains and was so proud of. Can I forget this all ?- impossible,- I never can ! for it is impressed in unfading, undy- ing characters upon my very soul, so that Death it- self cannot, methinks, ever erase it. "
"Yet you must forgive her, my poor dear Maria -you must not die thus, in your present unhappy state of mind. Pray for a forgiving spirit. Think
171
THE WAILING OF A BREAKING HEART.
how much the Saviour suffered ;- how dreadfully He was reviled, and persecuted, and insulted ;- how cruelly abused : think of His wrongs, trials, and bitter agony : He, the pure and sinless one -- the im- maculate Son of God-and take pattern by His blessed example-He forgave all his enemies- prayed for them-saying to his Holy Father, 'For- give them, for they know not what they do.' And so you must feel towards Mary Young, for the wretched girl really did not know what she was do- ing when she behaved so to you. She is very im- pulsive and passionate, you remember, and you must make some allowances for her prejudices, be- ing from the South."
"I must excuse her in consequence, and forgive her for trampling upon my very heart. And I am required to do this-but how can I?"-and she burst anew into tears, and wept again, until nature be- came perfectly exhausted, and she sank into the in- sensibility of sleep.
Even then, her bruised mortified spirit had no rest ; and she was heard frequently to whisper as to herself, --- "a low, mean, nigger-woman-yes-a low, mean, nigger-woman"-sobbing bitterly as she repeated the hateful words.
And thus, day by day, poor Maria Beaumont wailed her life away; each returning sun finding her weaker, and more evidently hastening to the tomb. When told she would certainly die, she hailed the grim messenger with apparent delight,
t
- -
172
ANTICIPATIONS OF HEAVEN.
as the friend who was to convey her to her Father's house.
"Oh, how I long to go! Oh, that I could die at once !- to be where there is no distinction of color or race to mar the happiness of its inhabitants -where the child of the negro-woman, although among the meanest and lowest of earthly creatures formed in the Divine image, is not the despised, odious, and accursed thing it is here ;- where the offspring of the bondwoman will enjoy the same freedom in Christ, as the fairest of other beings,- will be as the angels in heaven before the throne- be permitted to be near the blessed Saviour and for ever dwell there-yes, this will indeed be perfect happiness. Then how will my glad, emancipated spirit, raise its notes of thanksgiving for its eternal redemption through Infinite love and goodness."
These were some of Sister Maria's aspirations, hopes, and anticipations, and, while her mind rest- ed upon them, she was happy, superlatively happy; but when her thoughts returned to earth, to her trials and sufferings, she would become perfectly wretched and miserable, weeping and moaning in- cessantly.
Her situation excited considerable sympathy and interest; and much anxiety was manifested in every way on her account, more especially to make her more comfortable and tranquil in mind. Hence efforts were made not only to change the current of her feelings entirely from thinking with bitterness
173
REMORSE OF MARY YOUNG.
and severity of the conduct of Mary Young, but to encourage a forgiving spirit on her part towards her. But her only reply for a number of days was tears, scalding tears.
Now turn we, for a space, from this scene of strong mental distress, to the room where Sister Maria had been wont to live and move, as one of the resident teachers, with a number of young ladies from fifteen to sixteen and seventeen years of age. This comprehended the oldest of the pupils in the Institution. Of course they were of various charac- ters, and I recollect nothing of them individually, save of Mary Young, and that her shocking con- duct was universally condemned by the whole class ; also, as Sister Maria grew worse, she was more and more shunned and upbraided for it.
As is generally the case with people when they do wrong, they endeavor to justify themselves ; so did Mary Young, at first, attempt to defend herself from the severe censures she so well merited; but presently as her victim neared the tomb, she began to realize what she had really done; that she had, indeed, sent the death-blow to that sensitive heart. As this conviction fastened itself upon her mind, she became a prey to remorse of conscience, and sincerely lamented her folly, thoughtlessness, un- kindness, and cruelty. Then willingly would she have atoned for her grievous fault, by the most humble apology ; also, by lavishing upon her every possible kind attention in her power to render.
174
PENITENCE.
And she wept, prayed, and wrung her hands in bitter shame and agony.
"Tell her; do tell her, if you please," sobbed the wretched girl, " how very, very sorry I am for what I said ; that I feel it was very wicked in me to speak as I did, and beg her to forgive me for it. But pray do not let her die on this account, I en- treat you."
Hereupon, Mary followed her messenger, and crouching outside of the sick-room close to the door, she anxiously listened for the reply. The door was ajar. Mary looked in and saw her former kind instructress, whom she had so cruelly used, the victim of her pride and scorn, laid low upon a bed of suffering, so fearfully altered that she could scarcely recognize her. She was dying. The an- gel of death was even then flapping his cold wings over her. Sister Maria appeared to be slumbering. Presently, a wail of weeping reached her ear. It arrested her attention. She opened her eyes and gazed wistfully around.
" What sounds of grief do I hear ?" asked she ; "surely not for me; the child of a poor, mean. nigger-woman," continued the dying one.
"It is even so," was the reply ; "and it is Mary Young who is crying, and for very sorrow, shame, and penitence, that she is causing you so much suffering, so much heart-felt woc; and she begs. entreats, and implores you to forgive her."
Mary here came forward, sobbing violently.
175
THE STINGER AND THE STUNG.
The dying woman no sooner perceived the author of her misery, than she drew the sheet over her face, as if to exclude her from her sight, and com- inenced to scream terribly.
"Go away! go away!"-then "rats ! rats! rats !" she wildly exclaimed. "Take them away ! Take them away !"
" Where are they ?" was the inquiry.
,"There! there ! there!" she answered, uncov- ering her face, and fixing a fearful gaze upon Mary Young. "There they are!" pointing towards her, "and they are gnawing at my vitals-at my very heart; take them away! do pray take them away !"
"You fancy all this, my dear sister," was the reply ; " there are no rats here, nor any thing else to hurt you ; therefore, pray do not be so fright- ened."
" Yes, there are rats here, I tell you, and all have the face of Mary Young! Oh, take them away, take them away, I say ! "
" But, indeed, you are mistaken," answered the sister ; "there are no rats here, but only several of the sisters and the wretched Mary, who is truly contrite for her wicked behavior to you, and is come on purpose to assure you so. She. desires most earnestly that you forgive her ; and you cer- tainly will, wont you ?" she added .entreatingly.
" A low, mean, nigger-woman ! is that what she
176
FANCIES OF THE DYING ONE.
wants me to forgive ?- go away ! go away, I tell you ! "
Ilere Mary knelt down beside the bed, and burst into an agony of tears.
" Oh, Sister Maria," sobbed out the conscience- stricken, unhappy girl; "I beseech, I implore you to forgive ine ; and believe me I am very, very sorry."
But the very sight of the being who caused her sufferings, the painful mortification she had under- gone, was too much for the dying woman.
"Why do you come here," she asked, "to torture me so? is it not enough that you have broken my heart? that you are killing me ?- a low, mean, nigger-woman !" she again murmured to her- self.
Hereupon she closed her eyes, as if to shut out some dreadful object ; then Mary was motioned out of the room. Soon after, Sister Maria fell asleep, or rather into a stupor, when ever and anon the name of Mary Young passed her lips; and she re- peated those galling words, " a low, mean, nigger- woman." Presently she revived again, and with the same strange fancy that rats were about her- that the room was full of them.
" Here they are again ! and see how they look like Mary Young; and they are gnawing me still. Oh, take them away !" and she sunk back exhaust- ed on the bed.
She had become exceedingly feeble, but stimu-
177
THE CONFLICT AND THE RESULT.
lants being given, she presently revived consider- ably; yet very perceptibly the lamp of life now flickered in the socket, and would ere long go out. By and by she opened her eyes in perfect con- sciousness. A number of persons had gathered into the room, and surrounded the couch of their dying sister. Among them, were Brother Stein- haur, and another clergyman, I think it was Bishop Reichel, who had always been a particular friend of Sister Maria, and came to administer the last rites of the church to a living immortal ; of com- mending the spirit to its God in a benedictory prayer. Yet, ere he performed this customary solemn service, he told the dying one of his pur- pose ; then inquired if she died in peace with all the world, and from her heart, truly, and fully for- gave Mary Young.
"For," added the good Bishop, "you know, my dear sister, we cannot expect forgiveness from our Lord, if we do not forgive our fellow-creatures."
Thereupon immediately tears trickled down the pale cheeks of Sister Maria. She became exceed- ingly agitated, in fact alarmingly so. Her whole frame seemed convulsed with the violence of her feelings ; with the conflict waging against her na- ture, and life evidently was rapidly ebbing away. Yet she must not die thus ; not until she had really forgiven Mary Young. Hence stimulants were again given, and profusely, which caused her to rally. Yet she continued to weep.
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178
PRAYER AND PARDON.
"Pray for me, dear brother, for grace to do it," at length she gasped out.
Then down fell the venerable man upon his knees, with all the assembled company ; fervently he raised his voice to heaven in her behalf; and he wept too, as he prayed, while the sisters joined him in both these sympathetic offices of affectionate in- terest. When done, he again bent over the dying sister to whisper words of counsel, comfort, and peace ; and tenderly, he sought to soothe her, to reconcile her to herself, as well as to her who so fatally had wounded her keenest sensibilities. As he spoke, Sister Maria became more calm. At length she replied, feebly :
"I feel all you say, my dear Brother Reichel. and I thank you much for it; for the Lord, I am assured, has heard your prayers in my behalf. And all is changed now with regard to her-yet I can- not see her."
"I am very glad to hear you say, my sister, that you really forgive her ; this is all that is neces- sary."
" Yes, I do," she emphatically answered ; " even as my blessed Saviour forgave his murderers, so do I forgive Mary Young ; but let me not look upon her, Jest other feelings should come again, for I am, you know, very weak. The Lord is very mer- ciful to me, and He will, I feel, receive me to him- self, mean and humble as I am. And now :
179
SISTER MARIA'S LAST LAY.
" How I long to go and see, The Lamb of God who died for me ; How do I languish night and day, To hear him bid me come away. Quickly, O Lord, thy angels charge, To set my longing soul at large ;
Quickly thy blessed Hosts command, To carry me to thy right hand."
She repeated the last lines almost indistinctly.
The Bishop hereupon pronounced the bene- dictory prayer. The scene was solemn and affect- ing.
"Now sing," said she, "of my dear Saviour, while I sing my soul away ; and do you, my sisters, join me; and when I can no longer use my voice, pray you continue on, for thus would I enter heaven."
And as the swan, when dying, sings her sweet- est lay, so Maria Beaumont warbled forth her own requiem, and with such pathos, in such unearthly strains, as I ween have seldom been ever heard in similar circumstances. She sang several verses of different Moravian hymns ; then, "Jesus, lover of my soul, &c." This was her favorite hymn. She got through the greater part of the first stanza tol- erably well; in the last line her voice faltered con- siderably ; and when she came to the line, "Still support and comfort me," she ceased entirely ; the words died upon her tongue ; the gathered group around her wont on and finished the verse; yet, ere they were quite at the close of it, there was a
P
180
THE BRUISED SPIRIT AT REST.
slight muscular action, a heavy sigh, one or two respirations, and she was gone.
Yes, poor Maria Beaumont's bruised spirit was at rest, eternally healed, and disfranchised from the hateful clog of earth, which had so long painfully held it in bondage. Such, in every material im- portant fact, as near as I can recollect, were the incidents as I heard them at the time, attending the lamentable death of this unfortunate lady. were of so peculiar a nature, and occurring when they did, in the very house I lived, and one of the pupils being thus instrumental, by a single act of' thoughtless folly, of producing such fatal results, made the whole circumstances the more impressive upon a memory unusally retentive. From its un- fading records of this period of my childhood, I have gleaned this narrative, and give it with the hope that the lesson it teaches may prove instruc- tive to some of my readers.
The wise man says, "that death and life are in the power of the human tongue ; " while the Apostle James tells us, "it is a fire-a world of iniquity- that the tongue defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature, and so is set on fire of hell. For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind; but the tongue can no man tame ; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison ; " and again we are informed in Holy Writ,
181
THE HUMAN SCOURGE.
" of the wickedness which is hid under the tongue, and becomes as the gall of asps within.
The truth of these declarations so sadly realized in my story, has been proven, in innumerable other instances. Alas! how much of human woe, of in- tense mental suffering, has been produced in the world by this baneful scourge of our race, that dan- gerous weapon, the human tongue.
When I see how much of agonizing suffering is caused in the world by evil speaking, defamation of character, slander, unkind remarks injurious to reputation or feeling ; when I mark how my fel- low-beings thus cruelly sting each other, per- haps fatally wounding their peace and happiness ; when I note all the mischief done by this hu- man instrument of torture, I marvel not that he of old, of whom the Bible tells us as sent to hell, suf- fered more in that organ of his body than in any other; for methinks it was the sins of the tongue which brought him there. And at the last day of acount, it may be that he will be found to have many associates, each craving a drop of cold water to cool his burning misery.
Therefore, let us
"Learn to control the tongue, that restless thing,
Of mischief oft, and shame the fatal spring."
LIZZIE GOULD.
A WILD, harum-scarum sort of a girl was Lizzie Gould; so full of fun and mischief, wilful and im- pulsive, ever thoughtless and reckless of conse- quences, as to be a perpetual cause of anxiety to her teachers; yet nevertheless always so affection- ate and good-natured withal, and had besides such a number of popular qualities of character, as not only rendered her a great favorite in the school, but made it exceedingly difficult to correct effectually any of her faults.
In truth, whenever Lizzie was called to account for any of her numerous peccadillocs, she always directly, frankly acknowledged them; at the same time manifested so much apparent sorrow, made such fair promises with regard to the future, be- haved so generously kind to her admonisher, that she readily obtained forgiveness and was restored to favor. Yet, perhaps directly after, the volatile girl would be thinking of some other scrape, by which she would probably not only get herself, but some of her schoolmates into difficulty.
183
A RESTLESS AND UNQUIET NATURE.
The rules and restrictions of the school were apt to be exceedingly irksome to Lizzie, as they inter- fered greatly with her freedom of action. She found them very inconvenient and annoying to her unquiet and restless spirit; hence she frequently violated them. This, of course brought her into trouble, and she was punished in consequence with some of the mild discipline exercised in the Institu- tion; such as sitting upon a stool by herself in a corner, where nobody was allowed to speak to her ; learning a few verses of some Moravian hymn, or a psalm, or a part of a chapter in the Bible. She submitted to all this with the best possible grace ; not that she was indifferent to the present restraint it imposed upon her, but simply, because she could not help it, and she considered the circumstance an unavoidable necessity.
Nor did the cares and anxieties of Lizzie's teachers regarding her cease with the day. In the silent watches of the night, she often required their attention, and frequently, by her pranks, gave them as much trouble, if not more, than in her waking hours ; for she both talked and walked in her sleep; and at such times she was prone to be so droll and amusing, as to produce an infinite degree of fun and amusement to her schoolmates generally ; be- sides, in addition, exciting considerable alarm among the smaller children, who in their fright were wont to scream out most terrifically, imagining her either some ghost or robber. Sometimes, indeed, it would
184
CARRYING ON.
appear as if she intended to jump out of the win- dow-then again, I have known her to act as if she imagined herself upon horseback-or she would wrap a sheet around her and make a strange noise. when none of us could understand what she meant.
I believe some of the teachers fancied that the wild girl at such times only pretended to be asleep. In fact, they actually charged her with it, and scolded her severely in consequence; yet she de- nied this most positively ; they next endeavored to frighten her out of these doings, but in vain ; even though they tried to make her believe that such carrying on, as they termed her strange behavior, was at the instigation of the Devil himself, who made her act so ; yet even this representation appar- ently had no effect whatever, and she continued her nightly pranks as usual, maintaining that she really could not help her conduct, and begging them not to scold her for it. And sometimes she would enforce this request with tears. Yet, not- withstanding this, I rather think poor Lizzie Gould was not believed, as her teachers thought she cx- hibited too much method in her eccentric doings.
I have no distinct recollection of the features of this schoolmate; the reason of this is we were neither room-associates, nor in any of the same classes ; but all I do remember is from the impres- sions which were left upon my young mind con- cerning her. If these do not lead me astray, she was about eleven or twelve years of age, slender.
185
ECCENTRICITIES.
and delicately formed, very supple-limbed, and re- markably nimble-footed. I remember it being said of her, that she could climb a tree like a squirrel ; also, was so fleet of foot as to outrun the fastest runner. Neither of these were very lady-like accomplish- ments surely, yet nevertheless they vere very much valued and highly prized by Lizzie, although they were the fruitful source of a great deal of trouble and anxiety, both to herself and to her teachers. A nmmber of these feats were really so interesting and amusing, that they involuntarily impressed themselves upon my mind, and are among the re- corded memories of my childhood.
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