USA > Texas > Harris County > Houston > The Houston blue book : a society directory, 1896 > Part 5
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THE SOCIAL CODE.
A gentleman may leave his card for a bereaved friend, or in other delicate ways signify his sympathy, but unless the friend- ship be a very familiar one, he should not write to him of the bereavement, or speak to him of it when they meet.
A gentleman never makes a formal call without asking to see all the ladies of the family. He sends in or leaves his card for each individual. If he is calling upon a young lady who is a guest in the household with whom he has no acquaintance, he must ask to see the hostess at the same time, and also send her his card. The hostess of his friend may decline interrupting his call with her presence, but it is considered elegant and hospitable for her to descend before his call terminates, to assure him that her guest's friends are welcome to her house.
General Directions for Cards and Calling .- A call in person should not be returned by a card.
After cards have been left once in a season, they need not be left again, excepting after an invitation, or upon a guest stopping in the house.
A gentleman, invited by a lady to call on her, cannot, without showing her great discourtesy, neglect to pay the call within a week. He is not obliged to repeat it, or to do more than leave his card at her door.
One cannot return the calls of elderly ladies, or even their equals in age, by leaving cards at the door. It is not considered respectful. If the cards of persons much younger are left after hospitalities extended to them, one is at liberty to make a card serve for a return call.
Calls are due to the newly married, and also to the parents who have sent the invitations.
Turning the upper right hand corner of a card implies a call. Turning the upper left corner, congratulations.
Turning the lower right corner, adicu.
Turning the lower left corner, condolence.
Turning the entire left end, a call on the family.
R. S. V. P. means "Please answer."
P. P. C., "To take leave."
Not more than three cards should be left at the same time on members of the same family.
Parties, Balls and Cotillons .- Although all evening parties are expected to include dancing, it is desirable that the word "Dancing" should be eugraved on the card of invitation, and the hour of commencing. The ball is of course only for dancing, and always ends with a substantial supper.
The hours mentioned in notes of invitation to balls are usually from half past nine to half past cleven, but from nine to half past nine are the more favorite homs named in notes of invitation to balls in New York. These notes are sent out from ten to twenty days in advance of the festivity, always by post, unless the lady writing is sure of het messenger. The party note or card is issued about a week or ten days prior to the appointed evening.
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The ball demands the fullest of toilets which the season admits of for both ladies and gentlemen Supper is usually served. about half past twelve o'clock Light refreshments, such as tea, coffee, chocolate, lemonade, and bouillon, and also punches and wines, should be accessible during the entire evening.
The hostess sends out her invitations to either ball or party after calling by card or in person upon all her proposed guests to whom she is socially indebted. They are handsomely engraved. in script, and issued in her own name for a ball, but in both her own and her husband's name for a party.
The following is the fashionable forinnla for the ball :
MRS. ALBERT MORGANS Requests the pleasure of your presence on Thursday evening, Daember tenth at half past nine delack.
No. - Polk Avenue,
The party invitation not only indicates an earlier hour for arriving but instead of the simple word "Dancing" in the left hand corner, it may be engraved. "Dancing at eleven."
Of course this invitation must be accepted or declined within two or three days after its reception. The form of acceptance or regret is written in the name or names of the party invited :
MR. AND MRS. FREDERICK SMITHFIELD Sitept with pleasure for decline with sincere regret MRS. FARQUHAR ALEXANDER'S Kind invitation of January third.
No. - Rusk Avenue. .
The wife enters the drawing- room on her husband's right arm, or the oldest lady occupies this position, provided the lady be not married, and ,there being more than one lady accompanying the gentleman. It is becoming more and more the custom for the lady to enter the ball room unassisted.
When passing into or out of an apartment, the lady precedes the gentleman by a step. unless she retains his arm,
The guests find friends after greeting the hostess until young ladies are engaged for the dance. When applying for the honor of dancing with a young lady, it is done with a polite recognition of the office and authority of the chaperon on the part of the gentle- man who asks the pleasure.
The gentleman returns the lady directly to the care of her mar- ried or older lady friend as soon as the dance is finished, He may linger here to converse with her if he desire, but the mule , of best society do not permit of his doing so chewhere. If he takes the young lady to the dining room, it is customary for the chaperon to go with them.
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THE SOCIAL CODE.
A gentleman is not as free as the lady at this moment. If he accompanies a lady or a party of ladies, he must first be certain they are properly attended at this important moment before he can offer his services to others.
While the hostess is receiving, no person should remain beside her except the members of her family who may receive with her, or such as she has designated to assist her. All persons entering should pass on to make room for others, those who wish to show her any attention seeking her later, when she is disengaged.
Ceremonious leave-taking at balls is not necessary, unless the hostess or some member of the family is conveniently near at the moment of departure. Gentlemen who go from one ball to another on the same night, as in London, dispense entirely with the for- mality.
These formalities of a private ball apply also to a public enter- tainment for dancing, and they must be followed in the latter case with even severe strictness.
Calls after a ball are made on the hostess on the first of her regular reception days after receiving her hospitalities, or after having been compelled to decline the hospitality. If she have no fixed reception day, a card should be left for her within ten days after the entertainment:
Dinners and Dining Out .- The lady who proposes giving a dinner makes a catalogue of all those whom she desires to invite to her house. From these she selects and groups those whom she thinks will be agreeable to one another from similarity of tastes, station, age, or habits. Mental accomplishments should, and they do at the present day, enter largely into the selection.
When a dinner is given in honor of some one not numistak- ably famous, the choice of guests is comparatively easy, those who are not invited understanding the reason to be the lack of affilia- tion with the chief guest, and therefore forbearing all inquiries regarding the reason.
It is customary for those who give dinners often to have cards of invitation engraved, with blanks for names and dates. On an extra card, in the same envelope, should be the following form :
To meet
MR. CLIVE NEWCOME of Galveston.
The replies should be immediate, so that vacancies may be filled. If there is the slightest doubt about being able to be pres- ent, the invitation must be declined. If it be accepted, and an unsurmountable obstacle comes in between the guest and the d.n - ner, instant explanations must be made, as an empty chair at a feast is a depressing object, and usually leaves some lady without an escort, or some gentleman alone.
Invitations to a dinner are given in the name of both host and hostess. If it be an engraved card or note, the name of the host and
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hostess ocenpies one line, extending across the card; the request follows, in smaller script, with the name of the invited person or persons written across in a blank space arranged by the engraver. Below this are the date and hour of the dinner.
The word "company" is used in an invitation to dinner, but · presence" is preferred in a card that invites a guest to a wedding. The day of the week is written in letters, but the day of the month may be in numerals if preferred.
An engraved request sent to an acquaintance is usually in the following form:
MR. AND MRS. HORACE WALBRIDGE Request the pleasure of Company .It Dinn
¿y .. , at ... .. o'clock.
No. - Texas Avenne.
If a note is engraved, a monogram or crest may be placed at the middle of the top of the sheet. If a card is used, it is in better form to place this device only on the envelop. Monograms and ciphers are oftener used than erests in this country.
The engraved form of invitation to a dinner given in honor of a noted person reads:
MR. AND MRS. ERNEST RENFREW Request the pleasure of
Company on Tuesday, January 21st, at seven o'clock, to meet the HON. MR. AND MRS. HAVERSTICK. No. - Crawford Street. The following form is used as a prompt response: MR. AND MRS. WM. ' BENTLEY . Accept with pleasure Mr. and Mrs, Ernest Renfrew's invitation to dinner At seven o'clock Tuesday evening, January 21st. A response should express a feeling of disappointment as follows:
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THE SOCIAL, CODE.
MR. AND MRS. WM. BENTLEY Regret that a previous engagement for illness, or some misfortune Prevents the acceptance of Mr. and Mrs. Renfrew's invitation For Thursday, January 30th.
The degree of intimacy of the acquaintance regulates, to a certain extent, the form of the reply. Regret is always presumed to be genuine.
Guests should arrive punctually from five to ten minutes before the dinner hour, the hostess in all probability not being able to receive them earlier. Later than this does not allow proper time for introductions and the arrangement of escorts.
If the guests know one another, cards can be handed on a tray by a servant at the door. He selects the one with his own and a lady's name, and after greeting the hostess, seeks his partner, and awaits the announcement of dinner. If the guests are un- acquainted, the hostess suggests to each gentleman his partner, presents him, and tells him whether his place at table is at the right or left of the hostess.
Cards, either plain or ornamental, according to the taste or ceremoniousness of the dinner, are laid at each lady's and gentle- man's plate with their names upon them. The menu card is usually hidden beneath it.
The dinner is announced by the chief waiter, who stands at the entrance of the drawing-room, which opens toward the dining- room, and bows to the host. The latter is alert, anticipating the information. He offers his left arm to the lady-in-chief for this particular occasion. She may be the wife of the eldest gentleman or the especially honored guest, ns before explained. He proceeds first, and his guests follow him to the dining- room. his wife enter- ing last with the gentleman entitled to most consideration. Each pair find their assigned position by the card which awaits them, assisted by the information previously furnished by the host in regard to the side of the table chosen for them. This is done as qmetly as possible, as nothing is less elegant than a bustling
When the dinner is over, the hostess bows to the lady at the right of the host, rises, and the guests rise also. The gentlemen either stand until the ladies leave, or conduct them to the door, and return. It is good form but not incumbent to escort the ladies to the drawing room. The gentlemen smoke in the dining-room, of in an apartment provided for that purpose, not remaining long from the drawing-100m.
Coffee is served at table after the dessert, or in the drawing- room half an hour later. In the latter case, the hostess usually sits by the coffee in, and the gentlemen may carry the coffee-
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HOUSTON BLUE BOOK.
cups to the ladies, followed by a servant, who bears a tray upon which are sugar, cream, and often a handsome, low, cut-glass caraffe of brandy.
Guests may leave after coffee, and should not in any event lin- ger more than two hours. A person desiring to leave before the rest. should inform the hostess beforehand, and then leave with- out formal adieu.
Etiquette requires a call upon the hostess within a week after the dinner, or before, if she have a stated reception day sooner. If the reception day is not convenient, cards can be left in person (the right side or the right-hand upper corner turued over) for each grown member of the family.
Breakfasts, Luncheons and Suppers .- The hour for giving a breakfast varies, according to its formality, from . half-past nine till twelve, the latter hour being only allowable where.elegance rather than sociability. is studied. Macauley said: "Dinner par- ties are mere formalities; but you invite a man to breakfast because you want to see him." Both gentlemen and ladies may be guests at the breakfast table, but ladies only usually receive invitations to a luncheon party. The breakfast is more social and enjoyable than dinuer.
Invitations to breakfast, not too formal, are written, and need not be issued more than five days in advance of an entertainment.
The style of the note may be quite as informal as any brief but friendly letter, or it may be the lady's visiting card which con- veys the request, if this card be engraved after the customary form prevailing in New York, with the address in the right-hand lower corner, and the ordinary day for receiving callers upon the left. Below the lady's name may be written:
BREAKFAST AT TEN O'CLOCK. January roth.
If another than the usual "at home" day be preferred, an ink line may be drawn through the engraved day of the week, and the following form is written upon the card:
BREAKFAST FRIDAY, AT TEN O'CLOCK. January roth.
Numerals are witten upon a card, but they are not engraved. except it be the number of the residence. .
This breakfast should never be elaborate, but it cannot be too dainty in its food, or in the appointments of the table. Walking costumes are worn by both gentlemen and ladies, also visiting gloves, which are removed at table. The descent from the dress- ing-room, and greetings between hostess and guest, are just the same as at a dinner party.
If there are more than eight guests, cards should be placed indicating places. If the guests be unequal it number, ladies are
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THE SOCIAL, CODE.
informed of their lady partners by the hostess, and they seek their assigned places as usual ..
The host conducts to the table the eldest lady, or the one who as a bride or for any other reason is entitled to special consider- ation. If there be no host the lady of the house leads the way, accompanied by the most honored guest, lady or gentleman.
Guests are expected to leave half an hour after the breakfast is over.
Formal breakfasts require elaborate but not full dress for ladies; a morning or frock coat for gentlemen, with, light-colored trousers, and waistcoat to correspond with the coat.
The general directions for descent to the dining- room. the con - duct of the host and guests, are the same as for dinner.
The general rules regulating a breakfast apply equally well to a luncheon.
After a very formal breakfast, a call on the hostess is expected, according to rules given elsewhere. An informal breakfast requires no after-call
Suppers are presumed to be for gentlemen only, and are served from nine to ten o'clock. The informalities of invitation are all of the same kind. The invitation may be verbal or like this:
SUPPER AT TEN O'CLOCK. Saturday, January 25th.
. Etiquette of Weddings .- Strict form does not require the an- nouncement of an engagement, but a betrothal may be made known to friends in some pleasant manner, either by a dinner party at the home of the bride, or at the home of the groom, at which the immediate family of the bride must be present.
Compliments by notes, gifts of flowers, and calls upon the lady, follow.
During the term of betrothal, little parties may be given to the engaged conple by their immediate circle of friends, at which they may appear and receive friendly congratulations. This is sufficient as an announcement of the formal engagement.
The intended bride foregoes visiting during the brief interval presumed to elapse between the engagement and the wedding, except that she leaves a card in person at the residence of all her friends, without entering, just before the day of the ceremony. The last call is one not to be omitted.
The wedding cards are sent out at least ten days before the ceremony is to take place. Invitations to remote places must be forwarded sooner.
The invitations to the marriage ceremony are. in the name of the bride's father and mother, or of one alone, if only one be live ing. If the bride stands in the relationship of ward, Diece, grand- daughter, consin, or simply friend, to the person or persons issn- ing the invitation, the fact is noted in the forumla in place of the word "daughter."
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HOUSTON BLUE BOOK.
Accompanying the engraved note is a card of invitation to the reception for such persons as are entitled to be bidden to partake of the festivities of the occasion
Invitations to weddings are engraved on one sheet of paper, the separate cards of the bride or groom being seldom used. The engraving is in plain script. The paper is thick, fine, and shaped so as to fold once. The cipher, monogram, or crest. should be at the middle of the top of the page, and not printed in color. It is now thought to be in better style to put the device on the envelop. instead of on the note. The following is a suitable formula:
MR. AND MRS. CHARLES REMINGTON Request your presence At the marriage of their daughter, MISS MARIA LOUISA,
MR. WILLIAM HENRY JAMESON,. On Tuesday morning, September seventh, 18gb. at eleven o'clock. Christ Church, Houston.
The word "presence" is considered preferable to "company." Another card is enclosed for more familiar friends. The fol- lowing is good form for the invitation to the reception :
MR. AND MRS. CHARLES REMINGTON, At Home, Tuesday morning, September seventh, from half- past eleven until four o'clock, No. - Capitol Avenne.
The admission card is narrow, long and neatly and plainly engraved in script :
CHRIST CHURCH, Ceremony at eleven o'clock.
The portion of the ceremony not absolutely fixed by the church may be tastefully varied by the parties interested. For an elaborate wedding, rehearsals are desirable.
The master of ceremonies should be early present to see that the awnings and carpets are not disturbe I by idlers. He sees that the white ribbon is passed neross the main aisle at a sufficient dis- tance from the altar to accommodate the invited guest ..
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THE SOCIAL CODE.
The following modern ceremonial is considered good in New York: The bridesmaids and an equal number of ushers are chosen from among the friends of families. The ushers wait inside the church door, give their arms to the ladies as they arrive, and escort them to their seats. The gentlemen who attend the ladies follow.
When the bridal party has arranged itself for entrance, the ushers, in pairs, march slowly up to the altar, and turn to the right, keeping step to the organ music. After a very slight inter- val, the bridesmaids follow in pairs, and turn to the left.
Another very brief interval of waiting, and the bride, escorted by her father, and entirely veiled with her eyes cast down, fol- lows her companions. The groom comes forward from the vestry room to meet her, takes her hand, and places her at the altar. Both kneel for a moment's silent devotion. The parents stand just behind her, and slightly to the left. The service by the clergy- man now proceeds as usual.
'The bridal veil is rarely raised in church, and kissing in the publie place is obsolete.
The bridesmaids follow the bride and groom ont, each on the arm of an usher. The ushers then hasten to the place of recep- tion, to welcome the bride at her own door, and to arrange them- selves about the bride and groom, in the drawing-room, half the bridesmaids standing on the side of the bride, and half on the side of the groom. The ushers wait at the door of the drawing-room for guests as they arrive from church, and present them to the newly wedded pair. If ladies are present without gentlemen, they escort them to the refreshment room, afterward leaving them to provide for themselves.
Bridal gifts are seldom displayed. If they are shown it is with the names of the donors detached, to prevent invidions com- parisons. The universal bridal present is a disused custom; The bride acknowledges the gift by a note in her own hand.
If the newly- married begin house-keeping at once, cards are issued for morning or evening receptions at no distant day, to which only such persons are invited as they desire to retain as friends. The following form of card will do:
MR. AND MRS. WILLIAM HENRY JAMESON,
At Home,.
Tuesday evenings in November, from eight to eleven o'clock. No. - Mckinney Avenue.
On these occasions an elaborate table is not considered in refined taste. The bride wears a reception toilet, and the groom is in full evening dress. After an informal wedding, and to be sent to distant friends, cards are prepared in the following form and sent by post:
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HOUSTON BLUE BOOK.
MR. AND MRS. CHARLES REMINGTON Announce the marriage of their daughter, MISS MARIA LOUISA, and MR. ALBERT SIDNEY JOHNSTON, Tuesday, October 5th, 1896. No. - Lamar Avenue, Houston.
In response to this, a note of congratulation is usually sent to the parents of the bride, and also to the bridal pair, if the intimacy of the parties warrants it.
If there has been no reception, and a reception follows their return to town, even though the young people take possession of their own house, the mother of the bride usually gives one to them. If it be given only in the evening, cards should be issued in the name of the parents and the young people, and the two cards sent in the same envelop.
Weddings at home vary little from those at churches. An altar, a place for kneeling, and floral devices, are easily arranged. When the marriage ceremony is concluded, the party turn in their places and face their friends, who wait to congratulate them.
Calls or .card leaving by all the guests, upou the family of the bride, is a rigorous formality within ten days after the wedding.
Opera and Theatre Parties .- Such entertainments are suscep- tible of giving the most thorough social enjoyment. In New York they have become very popular of late, being confined almost alto- gether to the upper tendom. They are sometimes given by far- ilies, but most frequently they are projected by young bach- clors who have no homes to which they can invite guests, and who are desirions in some such agreeable way to return the hospitali- ties and conrteons treatment of honscholders.
Theatre Etiquette for Gentlemen .- In inviting a lady to the theatre, opera, a concert, or any other public place of amusement, send the invitation the day previous to the one selected for taking her, and write it in the third person. If it is the first time, include her mother. sister, or some other lady, in the invitation.
If she accepts the invitation, see that good seats are secured; for it is but a poor compliment to invite a lady to go to a place of amusement, and put her in an uncomfortable seat, where she cau neither hear, see, not be seen -- especially the latter.
Puntuality. In conclusion, it may be well to observe that, in this "cager, asthetical, ethical age," punctuality is as necessary in social life as in business, and applies alike to the obligations, duties, engagements and phfsures of polite society.
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HOUSTON BLUE BOOK.
A
National Fraternal Union,
A ['RATERNAL BROTHERHOOD. [ ] Composedfor Both |sextaland:11.1. BASED UPON THREE GREAT PRINCIPLES ;
ADVANCEMENT. PROTECTION
AND FRATERNITY,
Councils are Established at Orange, Palestine, Rich- mond, Columbus and Houston. Councils will be organized in a short time in every city in the state.
We have complied with the laws of the State and solicit from the public the most rigid investigation. For full information, address
L. A. SUBERS, Deputy Supreme Chancelor, For Texas, California, Louisiana and New Mexico. HOUSTON, TEXAS
9.7 .351
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