USA > Ohio > Hamilton County > Cincinnati > Cincinnati Society Blue Book and family directory, 1879 > Part 15
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The bridemaids follow the bride and groom out, each on the arm of an usher. The ushers then hasten to the place of reception to welcome the bride at her own door, and to arrange themselves about the bride and groom, in the drawing-room, half the bridemaids standing on the side of the bride, and half on the side of the groom. The ushers wait at the door of the drawing-room for guests as they arrive from church, and present them to the newly wedded pair. If ladies are present without gentlemen, they escort them to the refresh- ment room, afterwards leaving them to provide for themselves.
Bridal gifts are seldom displayed. If they are shown, it is with the names of the donors detached, to prevent invidious comparisons. The universal bridal present is a disused custom. The bride acknow- ledges the gift by a note in her own hand. Gifts to the bride are supposed to be in accordance with her known tastes, or of practical use. They are commonly marked with her maiden name.
Gifts that can be worn at the ceremony are considered en regle from the bride and groom to the bridemaids and ushers.
At a morning wedding, the groom and ushers wear dark coats, and vests of corresponding color, with light trowsers, and necktie, and gloves light, but not white. At an evening wedding, the bride and groom retire quietly to dress for their wedding tour. At a morn- ing wedding only bridemaids, ushers and relatives remain to witness the departure.
It is not etiquette to inquire where the honeymoon is to be spent.
If the newly-married begin housekeeping at once, cards are issued for morning or evening receptions at no distant day, to which only such persons are invited as they desire to retain as friends. The fol- lowing form of card will do:
MR. AND MRS. WILLIAM HENRY JOHNSON, At Home,
Tuesday evenings in November, from eight to eleven o' cloch. No. - Auburn Ave., Mt. Auburn.
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On these occasions an elaborate table is not considered in refined taste. The bride wears a reception toilet, and the groom is in full evening dress. After an informal wedding, and to be sent to distant friends, cards are prepared in the following form and sent by post :
MR. AND MRS. CHARLES REMINGTON Announce the marriage of their daughter, MISS MARIA LOUISA, and MR. WILLIAM HENRY JOHNSON, Tuesday, October 10th, 1878. No. - Seventh Street, Cincinnati.
In response to this, a note of congratulation is usually sent to the parents of the bride, and also to the bridal pair, if the intimacy of the parties warrants it.
If there has been no reception, and a reception follows their return to town, even though the young people take possession of their own house, the mother of the bride usually gives one to them. If it be given only in the evening, cards should be issued in the name of the parents and the young people, and the two cards sent in the same envelope.
The method of entrance into church given above is approved by the best society, but the old ceremonial can be used if preferred. If there are no bridemaids, the ushers walk into church in pairs, just in advance of the groom, and, parting at the altar, half stand at one side and half at the other. While the clergyman is congratulating the bride they become pairs again.
Weddings at home vary little from those at churches. An altar, a place for kneeling, and floral devices are easily arranged. When the marriage ceremony is concluded, the party turn in their places and face their friends, who wait to congratulate them. If space be of im- portance, the kneeling-stool, and even the floral altar, may be removed a little later, without observation. The latter, however, is usually pushed back against the wall, and adds to the decorative part of the festivity.
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Calls or card leaving, by all the guests, upon the family of the bride; is a rigorous formality within ten days after the wedding.
OPERA AND THEATRE PARTIES.
Strictly speaking, there is nothing of this kind to advise about in Cincinnati, and yet such entertainments are susceptible of giving the most thorough social enjoyment. In the East they have become very popular of late, being confined almost altogether to the upper classes. They are sometimes given by families, but most frequently they are projected by young bachelors who have no homes to which they can invite guests, and who are desirous in some such agreeable way to return the hospitalities and courteous treatment of house- holder -.
If the party is given by a bachelor, he first secures a chaperon for the young ladies he is about to invite. If she be a relative, so much more peaceful and harmonions the proceedings.
He gives his invitations in person, first soliciting the consent of the mother to the arrangement that her daughter may be his guest for the evening, at the same time mentioning what married lady will ac- company them, and furnishing the names of the gentlemen who are invited to be present.
The dinner is usually given in a private parlor of some fashionable hotel or restaurant, or in the house of some friend. The usual dinner formalities are followed, the matron of the party acting as hostess. The lady guests, if not accompanied by father or brother, are usually attended by a waiting woman, who returns home in the carriage to come back again for her mistress at the hour appointed, which is usually half-past twelve.
The dinner hour is usually six o'clock for this style of party. Retiring from the table, the party proceeds to the opera in carriages furnished by the host; and the gentleman assigned as dinner escort to a lady accompanies her to the opera, where boxes have necessarily been secured, because the party is in full toilette.
After the opera or theatre, the guests return to the banqueting
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room for refreshments, and then separate, a gentleman accompanying each young lady, provided only her serving maid call for her with a carriage. If her father, brother, or relative arrive in her carriage, the gentleman who has been her attendant during the evening, escorts her to her conveyance. He should call within three days to inquire for her health, or leave a card, provided a visit be impossible.
The bachelor host is required by the laws of good society to pay his respects, and to return thanks to mother and daughter within a week for the honor and the pleasure conferred upon him by the at- tendance of his lady guests.
The young ladies pay an early visit of thanks to the chaperon.
Another form of the opera or theatre party, while it is an equally formal affair, is more sensible and less extravagant, as it only includes an after supper.
The host calls upon his anticipated guests, and after receiving an acceptance of his invitation-which must also include a gentleman of the family, or a near kinsman of the young lady- he leaves en- trance tickets for the proposed entertainment. The party meet in the box or boxes, where the matron selected awaits them with their host.
After the theatre, the supper, which has been ordered in advance, is served to them at some fashionable resort, and the hour for return- ing home is decided upon by the matron of the evening. The host designates to each gentleman the lady he is to conduct to the table. The supper is not uncommonly followed by a few dances, but this is less often a part of the festivity at a restaurant parlor than when the bachelor receives his guests at the house of a friend.
This style of opera or theatre party is by far the most popular of the season, and is, of course, less expensive and troublesome to both host and guests. The more elaborate formalities, as was suggested, are only provided by the very rich, and mothers of refined daughters do not encourage ostentation. The customs of these costly pleasures are furnished only because they are stylish, and prescribed by " New York Etiquette" as the correct thing for young bachelors to do, who have the three requisites: time, taste, and money.
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In both forms mentioned, the young ladies are expected to be as rigorously attentive to the duty they owe their chaperon, as if attend- ing a ceremonious dinner, and the host is required to as carefully fol- low the proper formalities of calling as if a banquet had been given instead of a supper.
From eight to twelve guests are the usual number, the smallness of the circle, or coterie, being its greatest recommendation.
Of the two entertainments, the simple theatre party will be found the most enjoyable, and in this city of clubs and club life, and theatres and theatre going, a very graceful and satisfying thing for our young bachelors of quality to inaugurate.
If these parties are given by a lady in her own house, the invita- tions are issued by informal written notes in her own name, and the dinner almost invariably precedes the public amusement.
After the opera or theatre, it is proper for her to invite her guests to a restaurant for light refreshment, but she oftener than otherwise begs them to return to her own residence, where a dainty supper awaits them. A lady guest may, however, excuse herself from this after part of the hospitality, if she pleases, and not give offense. Party calls in the usual manner.
If private theatricals or music is to be a part or all of the enter- tainment at a gentleman's residence, the word theatricals, or musicale, is written upon the left lower part of the card of invitation. If the pleasure be accepted, a prompt attendance is compulsory.
If dancing is to follow, the hour of its commencement is also mentioned. It may be written across the card of invitation in this wisc :
Theatricals at eight o'clock : dancing at eleven.
If the company is desired to wear fancy dress, or be masked, the words fancy dress, or bal masque, may be written at the left lower side.
THEATRE ETIQUETTE FOR GENTI.EMEN.
In inviting a lady to accompany you to the theatre, opera, a con- cert, or any other public place of amusement, send the invitation the
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day previous to the one selected for taking her, and write it in the third person. If it is the first time you have invited her, include her mother, sister, or some other lady in the invitation.
If she accepts your invitation, let it be your next care to secure good seats, for it is but a poor compliment to invite a lady to go to a place of amusement, and put her in an uncomfortable seat where she can neither hear, see, nor be seen ; especially the latter.
Although, when alone, you will act a courteous part in giving your seat to a strange lady, who is standing in a crowded concert room, you should not do so when you are with a lady. By giving up your place beside her, you may place a lady next her, whom she will find an unpleasant companion, and you are yourself separated from her, when the conversation between the acts makes one of the great- est pleasures of an evening spent in this way. In case of accident, too, it gives her the appearance of having come alone. Your first duty when you are escorting a lady, is to the lady before all others.
When you are with a lady at a place of amusement, you must not leave your seat until you rise to escort her home. If at the opera, you may invite her to promenade between the acts, but if she declines, you may remain in your seat.
Let your conversation be in a tone that will not disturb those seated near you, unless you consider yourself part of the performance.
Any lover-like airs or attitudes, although you may have the right to assume them, are in excessively bad taste in public.
If the evening you have appointed be a stormy one, you must call for your companion with a carriage, and this is the more elegant way of taking her even if the weather does not make it absolutely necessary.
When you are entering a concert-room, or the box of a theatre, walk before your companion up the aisle, until you reach the seats you have secured ; then turn, offer your hand to her, and place her in the inner seat, taking the outside one yourself; in going out, if the aisle is too narrow to walk two abreast, you again precede your com- panion until you.reach the lobby, when you turn and offer your arm.
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Secure your programme, libretto or concert-bill before taking your seat, as, if you leave it, in order to obtain them, you may find some one else occupying your place when you return. Or, you may find a lady in your seat, in which case you have no alternative, but must accept the penalty of your carelessness, by standing all the evening.
If your seats are secured, call for your companion in time to be seated three or four minutes before the performance commences; but if you are visiting a hall where you cannot engage seats, it is best to go early.
If you are alone and see ladies present with whom you are acquainted, you may, with perfect propriety, go and chat with them between the aets, but when with a lady, never leave her to speak to another lady.
Never, unless urgently solicited, attach yourself to any party at a place of amusement, even if some of the members of it are your own relatives or intimate friends.
LADIES' THEATRE INVITATIONS.
A young lady may, if she wishes to attend a party, ball or con- cert, or other place where an escort is required, and is provided with no suitable one, write to her affianced husband, or, if she is not engaged, to some friend of the other sex with whom she is on suffi- ciently intimate terms to venture to take such a liberty, and request him to accompany her.
If any expense is to be incurred in thus attending her, she should purchase the admission cards and inclose them in her note to him. Such a note may read as follows:
Miss Ida Avery presents her compliments to Mr. Charles Moore, and re- quests him to do her the favor of escorting her to Pike's on Friday evening, the 15th, if he has not a previous engagement. Inclosed please find tickets of
. admission.
When the parties are on the terms of intimacy usual between an affianced couple, a less ceremonious form of invitation is allowable.
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MISCELLANEOUS RULES.
"Decorum," says a French writer, "is nothing less than the respect of one's self and others brought to bear upon every circum- stance of life." In all relations, whether social or domestic, anything approaching coarseness, undue familiarity, or levity of conduct, is prolific of evil.
The proper giving and receiving of gifts may be almost styled an intuition which everyone does not possess. A generous person may unwittingly wound where he intends to confer nothing but gratifica- tion. A grateful person may, through want of tact, seem almost to deprecate the liberality of the giver.
A gift should always have some other value to the receiver than its mere price. "Our tokens of love," says Emerson, "are, for the most part, barbarous, cold and lifeless, because they do not represent our life. The only gift is a portion of thyself. Therefore, let the farmer give his corn; the miner, a gem ; the sailor, coral and shells ; the painter, his picture ; and the poet, his poem."
A present should never be given with an expectation of a return. Nor should the recipient of a present ever be reminded of it by the giver.
In presenting a book to a friend do not write his or her name in it, unless requested.
Unmarried ladies should not accept presents from gentleman to whom they are neither related nor engaged. A married lady may occasionally accept a present from a gentleman who is indebted to her for hospitality.
Presents made by a married lady to a gentleman, should be in the name of both herself and her husband.
Never refuse a gift if offered in kindliness, unless the circumstances are such that you cannot with propriety or consistency receive it. On the other hand, never make a gift which is really beyond or out of proportion to your means.
Acknowledge the receipt of a present immediately, accompanying
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the acknowledgement by sincere, yet not too extravagant thanks. If you employ the latter, your sincerity may with good reason be doubted.
Do not make it a religious duty, so to speak, to return a present at once. You are justified in supposing that the gift has been offered for the purpose of affording you a pleasure, not with the expectation of a return, like a commercial transaction.
In society all should receive equal attention, the young as well as the old. The natural gaucherie of young girls results more from the slights which they are constantly receiving, and constantly expecting to receive, than from any real awkwardness inherent in their age.
Always give precedence to those older or of higher position than yourself, unless they request you to take the precedence, when it is more polite to obey than to adhere to the striet rule of etiquette, since compliance with and adherence to the wishes of others display the finest breeding. In matters of precedence be more careful to give others their rank than to take your own.
Always express your own opinions with modesty, and, if called upon, defend them, but without that warmth which may lead to hard feelings. Do not enter into argument. Having spoken your mind, and thus shown you are not cowardly in your beliefs or opinions, drop the subject and lead to some other topic. There is seldom any profit in discussion.
In meeting people more than once in a public promenade, it is only necessary to salute them the first time in passing.
It is now entirely out of date to ask another at a dinner-table to drink wine with you. Each drinks at his own option, and as little as he chooses. If a person declines, he should by no means be pressed to take more. If he refuses to drink it altogether, he has a perfect right to do so, and no notice should be taken of the fact.
It is neither polite nor respectful to smoke in the presence of ladies, even though they have given permission. In truth, a gentleman will never ask such permission. Neither will he smoke in any room which ladies are in the habit of frequenting. This is etiquette, but not comfort.
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Always request a favor. Never issue a command, even if you have the authority to compel the observance of your wishes. Always recognize a favor, even from an inferior, with courteous thanks.
A gentleman may keep his hat on when handing a lady to a car- riage, certain rules of etiquette to the contrary notwithstanding. In- deed, for him to do otherwise, and at the same time give proper assistance to the lady, he would find it necessary to have a dozen hands.
Never affect superiority. In the company of an inferior never let him feel his inferiority. If you invite an inferior as your guest, treat him with all the politeness and consideration you would show an equal. Assumption of superiority in the distinguishing trait of a parvenu.
Conform your conduct as far as possible to the company you chance to be with, only do not throw yourself into improper company. It is related of a certain king that he once turned his tea into a saucer and drank it thus, because two country ladies whom he was entertain- ing did so. That king comprehended the true spirit of a gentleman. It is better even to laugh at and join in with vulgarity, so that it do not degenerate into indecency, than to set yourself up as better and better-mannered than those with whom you may chance to be asso- ciated. True politeness and genuine good manners often not only permit but absolutely demand a temporary violation of the ordinary obligations of etiquette.
Never address a mere acquaintance by his Christian name. He will have reason to take offense at your presumption. No lady will speak of a gentleman by his surname without the customary prefix of Mr.
Never speak of your husband or wife by their initial letter. Among very intimate friends it may be allowable to mention them by their Christian names, but among strangers and mere acquaintances they should always be referred to as Mr. or Mrs. -. It is not even allowable to mention them as " my wife " or "my husband."
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On entering a room bow slightly as a general salutation before speaking to each of the persons assembled.
"Civility," says Lord Chesterfield, "is particularly due to all women ; and remember that no provocation whatsoever can justify any man in not being civil to every woman; and the greatest man would justly be reckoned a brute if he were not civil to the meanest woman. It is due to their sex, and is the only protection they have against the superior strength of ours."
Bishop Beveridge says, " Never speak of a man's virtues before his face or his faults behind his back."
Another maxim is, "In private, watch your thoughts; in your family, watch your temper ; in society, watch your tongue."
HOW TO CARVE.
As nearly all formal dinners are now served a la Russe, carving is not the accomplishment that it was. Formerly in England there were regular teachers of the art, and Lady Mary Wortly Montague con- fesses that she once took lessons of a professor three times a week.
Even at the present day one often attends or gives a family or old-fashioned dinner, and the few hints below will always be found of value to the novice in his first struggles with the big knife and fork.
Dr. Johnson said, that "You should praise, not ridicule, your friend who carves with as much earnestness of purpose as though he were legislating."
The best way to cut a ham, in order that the fat and lean may be served evenly, is to begin in the middle of the ham, and cut out thin, circular slices. Good carvers, though, often begin at the large end of the ham.
In carving a roast sirloin of beef, you may begin at either end, or in the middle. The outside should be sliced downward to the bone, while the inside or tenderloin part should be sliced thin, lengthwise, and a little of the soft fat given with each piece. You may ask whether the outside or inside is preferred; otherwise a small bit of
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the inside should be served with each plate, as this is generally re- garded as the most choice portion.
But little skill is required in carving a round of beef. It should be cut in thin, smooth and even slices.
A fillet of veal should be cut in the same way as a round of beef. Ask whether the brown or outside is preferred. If it is stuffed, cut deep through the stuffing, and serve each plate with a thin slice.
In carving a leg of mutton, slice it lightly, for if you press too heavily the knife will not cut, and you will squeeze out all the gravy, and serve your guests with dry meat. Begin to cut in the middle, as that is the most juicy part. Cut thin, deep slices, and help each person to some of the brown or outside.
In carving a fore quarter of lamb, separate the shoulder from the breast and ribs, by passing the knife under and through it; then sep- arate the gristly part from the ribs, and help from that, or the ribs, as may be chosen.
A haunch of mutton is the leg and a part of the loin. In carving help to about equal parts of the fat of the loin, and the lean of the leg. Cut each part directly down through in slices, about a quarter of an inch thick.
A saddle of mutton should be cut in thin slices from tail to end, beginning close to the back-bone.
A roast pig should be cut in two before it is sent to the table. Begin to carve by separating the shoulder from one side, then divide the ribs. The joints may be divided, or pieces cut from them. The ribs are considered the finest part, though some prefer the neck end.
In carving a duck or goose, cut off the apron, or the part directly under the neck, and outside of the merry-thought. Then turn the neck-end towards you, and cut the breast in slices. Take off the leg by putting the fork into the small end of the bone, pressing it to the body, at the same time passing the knife into and through the joint. Take off the wing by putting the fork into the small end of the pinion, and pressing it close to the body while the knife is dividing the
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joint. The wing side-bones and also the back and lower side-bones, should then be cut off. The best pieces are the breast and thighs.
A turkey or chicken is carved by first detaching the legs from the body. Next, take off the wings, by dividing the joint with the knife; then lift up the pinion with your fork, and draw the wing towards the leg, and the muscles will separate in a better form than if cut. Then remove the merry-thought from the neck-bones, and divide the breast from the carcass by cutting through the tender-ribs. Then lay the back upwards, and cut it across half-way between the neck and the rump. The breast and thighs are considered the choice bits.
Nearly all kinds of small game birds are carved by simply cutting them in two, from the neck to the tail, unless they are given whole. Never pour gravy over white meat, as it would destroy its delicate appearance. Another excellent idea is to keep it off the table-cloth.
There are many little ways of seasoning meats and game, which may be done by the carver, as, for instance : before cutting up a duck, slice the breast, and pour over the gashes a few spoonfuls of sauce made of port wine, lemon juice, salt, and Cayenne pepper. Or, after you have cut off the apron and breast-bone of a goose, pour into the body a glass of port wine and a small teaspoonful of mustard. Ex- perience will furnish you with many other points that will finally make you an artist.
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