USA > Ohio > Hamilton County > Cincinnati > The old court house : reminiscences and anecdotes of the courts and bar of Cincinnati > Part 20
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THE YOUNG LAWYER DEMOCRATIC ORATOR AND HIS STUMP SPEECH.
It was the Monday evening before the November Tuesday of the presidential election and there was a mighty democratic mass meeting in the court room of the old court house, in the memorable year 1840. Bench, bar, floor below and floor above in the gallery were crammed with Bourbon democrats, earnest and deter- mined to retrieve, if among the possibilities in political life, the great and damning defeat they had met with in the State and county election on the last second-Tuesday of October. Dr. Alexander Duncan, the old war-horse democrat and defeated candidate for Congress, had made, in the language of the "b'hoys," one of his roaring, rip- staving speeches, and he was followed by a good-looking, long-haired, and bright-eyed young lawyer democrat who had been duly advertised on the big posters as the "young Buckeye orator," which sobriquet he had acquired from his eloquence and oratory in Eastern Ohio and Western Pennsylvania, where he had been thoroughly stumping for Van Buren and Johnson, and against "Tippecanoe and Tyler, too !" The crowd were anxious to hear the youngster orator with his flowing locks and brilliant elo-
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quence, as it was the first time on his return home, that he was to speak here, and that in the old court house ! He began his "fellow-citizens," and went on and, grow- ing intensely eloquent and brilliant, he was applauded and applauded to the echo. I remember, in the course of his speech, he declaimed, " Fellow-citizens : we have met the enemy, but-God save the mark !- they were not ours. We cannot exclaim, in the concise language of Julius Caesar, 'veni, vidi, vici,' for we came by thousands, we saw by thousands, but, alas! we did not conquer by thousands ! But, my countrymen, we mean to retrieve what is lost ; we mean, on the morrow, to give our Whig foes the full brunt of battle again, and we mean to have victory perch upon our democratic banner-a banner but yesterday trailing in the dust-now, proudly lifted and elevated, and all its blazoned folds of democratic truth and principles alive to the breeze. We will show these Whig masters that they cannot beat us again. We will show them that an election for the presidency of the United States is quite a different thing from an election for governor and mere county officers. To be sure, they have sent us up Salt river in the State election, but we have come down again, and now we are going to put them in their dug-out upon their gloomy river voyage, and before we get done with them we will tip up their canoe and Tyler, too !"
At this concluding smart sally for the Buckeye orator, of course, there was one long-continued, prolonged ap- plause and wild exclamations of "Tippecanoe and Tyler, too-we'll tip up their canoe and tile them over, too. Hurrah ! hurrah for the young democratic Buckeye and Martin Van Buren and Dick Johnson ! hurrah ! hurrah !" And the meeting was at last, over. But vain was the ex-
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traordinary eloquence of the youngster in the old court room, for the next day the Whigs beat the democrats at the election in this city and county for "Tippecanoe and Tyler, too" much worse, very much worse than at the State election, and there was no tipping over their canoe -and Tyler, too !
LAWYER CROSS, AND THE CINCINNATI LAGER BEER !
We had a practical joker in the person of lawyer, Nelson Cross, in the days of the old court house. He was a young lawyer then, and is now an old able lawyer in New York City. He was, as a lawyer youngster of talent, and much acumen and ability, selected a repre- sentative to the legislature at Columbus, by the democrats of Hamilton county, and among others, he had for a colleague, Dr. Wright, a good facetious old fellow from the precincts of classical Carthage, a little town about six miles from Cincinnati, upon whom Cross being a hotel mate at the Neil House, was ever and anon playing some of his jokes. Dr. Wright was fond-extremely fond-of lager beer for himself and his friends, and he used to order it from Cincinnati, to his room by the full kegs. He generally ordered two fullest kegs, and he would set them up, or have them set up in one corner of his room, one on the top of the other, and when the top one would run dry of lager, he would change kegs, setting the empty one under, and the full one on top, and when that became empty, he would issue a fresh order to Cincinnati for another two kegs. Well, Cross knew of these things, familiar as he was with the doctor and his room, and his lager, and he resolved on occasion to cross the doctor ! One day, going into his room, he found the two kegs in the corner, the bottom one empty, and the top one full,
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the doctor just before, having exchanged them according to programme. Cross all alone in the room having drawn from the faucet a glass or two of the delicious fresh lager, took it into his joking head, to again exchange the position of the kegs, placing the empty one on top, and the full one below, and left the room, and went over to his place in the legislature, which was in session. At noon the legislature took a recess, and as usual, Dr. Wright invited a number of the legislators to his room to partake of a glass or two of his delightful Cincinnati beverage. There were a dozen of them or more, among them Cross, who came over and were in the room, and a dozen or more lager beer glasses were brought out from the doctor's closet, and one given to each of the members, who were invited to the top keg to turn the faucet and get each his beer. The first one more anxious than the rest, tried the turn of the faucet, but no beer, the next one, but no beer, the next, but still no beer. The doctor was surprised, astonished, and he tried the faucet, and no go; and he excitedly declared that he had left that top keg full of fresh beer when he left his room in the morning, and now there was not a drop in it-the rascally servants of the house must have drank it all up-d-n them! He would immediately order two new kegs from the city, and would have a good supply next day, and he invited them all to be at his room next evening and drink their full of beer. The legislators then all left the room, the doctor with them to go down stairs and try something stronger at the bar of the hotel. Cross excused himself, and said he would be down in a minute, and left alone in the room, he immediately and hastily again reversed the kegs of beer in the corner, putting the full one on top, and the
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empty one below, and then drawing from the faucet a full glass for himself, he hurried down to the bar-room to Dr. Wright, and his fellow legislators, and classically and loudly exclaimed : "'Carthago delenda est,' but not so, our Carthage friend's lager beer. Our representative from Carthage, Hannibal is himself again, (trotting out Dr. Wright from the counter of the bar) and his keg is full. Take an adjournment to his room, and see all for yourselves." An adjournment to the room from the bar, was at once made, and the numerous party having got into the room, the glasses were handled, and the faucet tried again, and sure enough, the foaming lager largely flowed into them-the glasses and the throats of the members-like nectar into their goblets, and down the throats of the gods and goddesses, and a loud and resounding cheer was given for the restoration and recovery of the beer; a loud huzza ! "A miracle !" cried one of the members, "Christ turned water into wine, and now the Cross turns nothingness into the very best of Cincinnati Lager Beer!" "Huzza ! Huzza !! Huzza ! ! ! " roared the crowd.
And another miracle was now performed, the members, without turning their stomachs in the least, again turned that full keg of blossoming beer into empty nothingness, and left in glow and glory, the doctor's celebrated room, huzza ! huzza ! !
LAWYER NELSON CROSS AND LAWYER ADAM HODGE, THEY HAVE A BOUT.
Lawyers Nelson Cross and Adam Hodge, were engaged one day, in a knotty case in the old court room, and they surprised the court, suprised the jury, and sur- prised themselves. They were opposed to each other,
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and bitterly and bitingly opposed. The amount involved in the case was not much, but the evidence was curiously contradictory, and strong on both sides, and it was a very difficult matter to tell which side had the right, or the wrong of it. The lawyers finally got personal, and indulged in the sharpest sarcasm toward each other, and at last began lustily calling each other names, and playing and punning upon each others names respectively, but not respectfully. Cross called Hodge nothing but a peddler of the law, and a puddler or paddler in the facts. Adam retorted by calling Nelson nothing but a dumb oyster in the facts, and a deaf and dumb shyster in the law. Nelson replied that Adam was a very dabster, or mere dauber, in short A-dam Hog, in his conduct of this case, and then Adam getting cross as could be, rejoined : " The gentlemen plays and puns upon my poor name, he is not the first lawyer that has done that, who had a bad case. He may pique himself on his own showy name of 'Nelson,' the hero of Trafalgar, but if he is a Nelson, he is a cross breed, and trifler that he is, he may be the hero of a trifle,-gorra ! as an Irishman would add. But no such diminutive Nelson, or Nelly's son can come a-cross me, or come it over me, either. If he persists in being cross-grained or cross-gruntled, and in cross-firing, he shall have it back and he might too, get a-cross stick upon him. But, gentlemen of the jury, this vigorous trifler must not think because he is a cross-that you, who no doubt are all true followers of the cross, will follow such a small specimen as he shows himself, in his crossings and cross meanderings about this case. No, gentlemen, look cross-wise at my Cross adversary, and bring in a verdict that will make him look cross-eyed."
I believe that our friend Nelson gained his case, and
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thus did "come a-cross a-dam, and come it over him," but he never more played upon lawyers' names, being made fully aware by the last Adam, that in that regard, he lived himself in a crystal palace.
ANOTHER DIAMOND CUT DIAMOND.
There were two young lawyers earnestly contesting in a hard case, and they both of themselves proved "hard cases," before they got through. They were unsparing and relentless in their flings and "slings and arrows" at each other, and it was hard to designate where victory would finally perch. The case involved the wages of a comic singer at one of our theatres, who had sued the manager for more than he was entitled to, and there was, of course, much fuss and feathers about it, before court. One of the lawyers, he that represented the singer -the comic singer-was himself comical, if not musical, in his management of his cause. In his speech to the jury he indulged in the remarks that it took a genius to be a singer - a comic singer ; he knew it was right hard work ; he knew music and was fond of music ; he himself knew how to sing, and he knew how very laborious it was, and how valuable. " Why," said he, " I have warbled many a comic melody. I know how it is myself, for I am a warbler !" The other attorney replied, "The learned musical lawyer congratulates himself that he is a singer -a comic singer-and says he knows how it is himself, for-' I am a warbler' triumphantly ejaculates he. Well, I take it, from the superior cracked voice he puts forth and displays before us, gentlemen of the jury, that he is a quack, and in his duck-like manifestations of voice and movement, he might, and could with more eminent pro- priety, be called a wabbler !"
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The warbler was ducked that time in the stream of his opponent's sarcasm, with little or no mercy !
LAWYER FOX AND THE SHYSTER.
Able and learned lawyer Fox once had, in opposi- tion to him, in a tangled case in court, one lawyer Cun- ningham, small both in stature and brain. Little Cun- ningham would make up in shrewdness and cunning, sometimes, what he lacked in legal ability, as too many professed members of the profession, we regret to say, are too apt to do,-and he tried to do so over Mr. Fox. But the latter took little or no notice of his tricks and treacheries, but went on with his side of his case in his commanding, overbearing way-so overbearing, indeed, that the small specimen shyster was nearly crushed. At last, the little fellow, quite tired and worn out with the overpowering legal ability of his veteran adversary, arose in his place and, thinking to remember a little French, and anxious to be, and appear witty, and to entirely overwhelm his able opponent with sarcasm, he exclaimed, "May it please the court, I can't stand this no longer-I can't stand the learned gentleman's overwhelming conduct of this 'ere case ; I don't stand no chance at all. He con- sumes all the time and everything else. He is a regular -old-fox-pass, -that's what he is" (designing the to use French word "faux pas," without knowing its meaning and certain that he was pronouncing it right, and that he had Mr. Fox, that time, sure.
The court smiled, Mr. Fox laughed, and the lawyers and the audience were boisterous with merriment, quickly seeing that the boot was quite on the other leg, and that Cunningham was the faux pas!
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MR. FOX AND HIS FIRMS IN THE LAW.
During his long, eventful, and successful career at the bar, of course the attractive name of Mr. Fox had, and has been the occasion of much wit and humor among the lawyers and other people. For a lawyer to be named Fox, of course, is vastly suggestive, and all sorts of funny things have been said in reference to our eminent Fox. He has been called " cunning Fox" and "crafty Fox" thousands of times. He has been told hundreds of times that "Foxes have holes," and lawyer foxes, legal ones. One lawyer said to him in court one day that "he was no chicken, and he was not going to be captured and eaten up by a fox." Another lawyer said, in the course of his speech, that "he would trap and catch the old fox in his tricks, and expose him." Still another said, in ref- erence to some conciliatory remarks that our old friend made, that, " because Mr. Fox had had his tail cut off, he wanted all of us to cut off our tales, but it wouldn't do-he had his tale, and he would unfold it." And so we might repeat and repeat these funny, suggestive sayings, and might tell of some very funny doings, per- haps, but for brevity, we pause.
Mr. Fox has had too, suggestive names of his firm in his long practice. First, there was 'Storer & Fox,' read aloud, sometimes, the "Story of the Fox." There was ' Fox & Wright,' suggesting the " right Fox." There was Fox and Lincoln, and the boys would read it "Fox & Lick-'em, or Link'em." Then there was 'Fox & Kenna,' and this was interpreted "Fox and Cunning"-the "Keen Fox." And then there was ' Fox & French,' and the boys called it "Fox-French" or the "French Fox." And now, at this day, in the old age of the able, veteran lawyer,
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the firm is Fox and Bird, so wholly and entirely suggest- ive. "Surely at last," say the boys, "it has come to pass : the fox and the bird lie-down together, if not the lion and the lamb !"
A CURIOUS LEGAL TENDER .- A DIRECT LEGAL BLUNDER.
" Do you believe his ' tenders,' as you call them ?" -Shakespeare.
" That you have ta'en these tenders for true pay, Which are not sterling."-Ibid.
There were two lawyers, one day, in the old court room, in a case at bar, lustily contending against each other whether a legal tender had been made by the plain- tiff in the case, to give him the legal right to sue upon his claim. The action brought into court, and very improp- erly brought there, was by the father for loss of services, because of the seduction of a comely, young, and fair daughter by the defendant. The counselor for the de- fendant made the great legal blunder of insisting upon it as the law-that the father should have tendered his beautiful daughter in marriage to the young man before he could have the legal right of suit against him. The attorney for the plaintiff, without knowing much about the law of tender, or of his case, hesitatingly and tender-ly remarked that such was not the law, but if it were the law, it was directly in proof that there was a tender made. The other lawyer took him upon this, and remarked con- fidently, " that, to be sure, there was a tender maid in the case,-she was the fair and comely daughter of the plain- tiff, herself, but there was no legal tender made of her to his client, the defendant, by the plaintiff, her father, by which, perhaps, a marriage and settlement of this case might have been made, before it was made a case in court."
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And now it was time for the court to intervene, and said the court to both of the learned counsel, paraphrasing Shakespeare, “Gentlemen, 'tender yourselves more learn- edly, or you'll tender the court a fool.' All this talk about tender is the tenderest bosh in this case. No mar- riage tender or tender marriage was at all required in this case, and as the court is disposed to treat tenderly both of you, we would like you both to be better at-tend- ers to the law, and take care that you make to the court better legal tenders of the law, and tender to us no more legal blunders !"
LAWYERS CUNNINGHAM AND STEWART. THEIR LIVELY CONTEST. THE WAGER OF BATTLE.
Lawyers Cunningham and Stuart were two great, and overwhelming, and perennial pettifogging lawyers. If ever men at the bar, or in the bars, deserved the appel- lation of pettifoggers, these were eminently the fellows. They were not partners in the law, but always opponents in the law, and in fact. They were continually quarrel- ling with each other, indeed, inside and outside of the old court. Their practice was mostly confined to the courts of the justices of the peace, and once in a while when cases were appealed from these inferior tribunals, to the Court of Common Pleas, they got in there, and made a fuss and a stir ! One day, they had such a case in the old court room, and they were both very active and lively, and hot and bad tempered in, and about it. The case involved the ownership of a horse, or, as was proved, the frame of one-worth about five dollars, and it was hard to tell from the contradictory evidence, whether the plaintiff or the defendant was the real owner of the horse, or whether it belonged as leaked out to a third party,
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entirely out of the case. At last, nervously and courage- ously exclaimed Stuart, who represented the defendant, and wanting to follow the oldest common law precedents :
"I will wager battle with the learned gentlemen on the other side, that this valuable horse belongs to my client. If he pleases we will strip right here, and go into a fight, about it."
Lawyer Stuart-"I gladly accept the terms of my courteous and learned adversary, but will defer the time of the battle, until after the verdict of the jury, and then, if he likes, I will strip, and fight him."
The Court-"Counselors, if you will really settle this case by the wager of battle, we will adjourn to give you fair and proper opportunity, for the ways and means by which you have both managed the case, have so confounded the minds of the court, and the jury, that there is positively no telling, what is just and right about it. Shall we adjourn?"
Cunningham-I only spoke in a Pickwickian sense- may it please the court!
Stuart-And so did I. I-bid.
Court-Oh !!!
THE INNOCENT SHAKERS, AND THE VINDICTIVE NEIGHBORS-A VERY CURIOUS CASE.
It is well known that a large family of the pure and innocent Shakers have a long time existed out at White- water village, in the north-west portion of Hamilton county, even for a period of over fifty years. When they first settled there, being regarded by the orthodox people as children of the devil, and by others as religious luna- tics, it was the endeavor of all the neighborhood in White- water, Crosby, and Miami townships, to get rid of them
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and their peaceful settlement, and all manner of stories was circulated about their devilish ways, all over the country, and sometimes a mob of farmers was talked of to drive them clear out of the county and country. At last, some vindictive scoundrels in the neighborhood, got two little Shaker boys who were anxious to run away from the strict and restraining care of the Shakers, to make up a horrid and outrageous charge against the whole Shaker community of Whitewater, and have all the elders and chief men among them brought before a magistrate on the abominable criminal charge of castrat- ing the boys. It seems that the two boys had been in swimming in Dry Fork creek, which was near the Shaker settlement, and their naked persons were noticed by some malicious and mischievous rascals, and it was at once currently reported, that there were two emasculated boys with the Shakers, and no doubt the Shakers had done the deed which transformed and deformed them. By the villains, the boys who were promised money and freedom, were seen and talked to, and they both conspired to get up the severe and atrocious. charge of mayhem against the Shakers, and have them all arrested. The boys were taken before a country magis- trate in the village of New Haven, and there made to make affidavit of the mayhem, and a warrant was issued for the alleged perpetrators, and they were arrested with- out mercy, and brought before the justice of the peace, and after a hasty and hurried examination of the two wicked boys, the bigoted, Shaker-hating justice, com- mitted all the Shakers to the jail of Hamilton county, in this city, without bail, and they were accordingly brought to the city and lodged in the jail, some fifteen or twenty of these lamb-like non-resistants, who trusting wholly to, and
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in the Lord, and their entire innocence, made not the least resistance, and offered no defence at all, before the magistrate in his crowded court. Of course now, the country was all excitement, and when the Shakers were placed in jail, the excitement became tremendous in this city, and a mob collected about the jail, and it was for some length of time feared by the sheriff, the jailer and the officials of the court house, that the jail would be forced, and the prisoners taken out and lynched. But by the over-powering efforts and influence of some distinguished citizens like Judge Torrence, General Lytle, and Charles Fox, and Bellamy Storer, and Judge Este, and others, the mob spirit was quelled, and the poor Shakers were permitted for the time being, to rest in peace in their cells in the jail. In the interval, there was much talk among the old lawyers of the old court house, and it was thought by them, that there could be no truth in the wicked charge against the innocent, simple-minded Shakers, and it was resolved by lawyers Storer, Strait, Hawes, Van Matre, Fox and some others, that an examining court should be held for the benefit of the Shakers, and the real facts of the case thoroughly investigated by the associate judges of the old Court of Common Pleas. Accordingly some one or two of these members of the bar duly applied to the associate judges to hold an examining court in the old court room, and see as a court, whether there was anything in the serious charges against the poor Shakers, or not. The examining court was appointed for a day and hour certain, in the old court room, and on that day, at the appointed hour, never was such a scene exhibited in and about the old court house. The associate judges who were to try the cause, were Judges Looker, Silvers and Short, and they were
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assisted in their examination by Judge Torrence the presiding judge of the Common Pleas, who, sympathizing with the non-resisting prisoners, and knowing the blame- lessness of the lives of the Shakers, came into court, and also with the associates, and to the gratification of the lawyers, took his seat upon the bench. The inside of the bar was crowded with lawyers, parties, witnesses, officers, and distinguished citizens, while the outside, and the gal- lery were crammed and jammed with greedy and pre- judiced spectators, and outside of the old court house, in the extensive yard and the neighboring streets, there were hundreds and thousands of interested citizens from the city and the country, and they were all full of indignation and excitement, from prejudice and bigotry.
The court was called to order, and the examining trial commenced amidst breathless silence, commanded by the great deputy sheriff Stalee, by loud voice and stroke of mallet. The prosecuting attorney David Wade called the boy witnesses, and they solemnly testified for fear of the penalties of perjury, to almost the same story that they had told before the country 'Squire, and when they got through, everything seemed, and was against the twenty or more Shakers sitting in the prisoner's box, and on the seat below it, and the people were terribly excited, and quite ready to take and wreak vengeance upon them. At last, there came a mighty stroke of wisdom and sound judicial policy, not thought of by any one before, nor even dreamed of, from the mouth of good old Judge Torrence himself. Looking grave and serious, and commanding the most absolute silence in court, he solemnly said :
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