USA > Ohio > Hamilton County > Cincinnati > The old court house : reminiscences and anecdotes of the courts and bar of Cincinnati > Part 22
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The court did not stop the lawyer, for they seemed to coincide, and let him proceed on straight !
AMENITIES OF THE BAR. POLITE PHRASES. SALUTA- TIONS AND REFERENCES, ETC.
From the time out of memory, the conduct of the lawyers within the limits and precincts of the bar, and before the court, has been always distinguished by the most extreme courtesy and politeness. There is little or no boorishness or bearishness to be seen at any time in the court and bar. To be sure, there is a great deal of wrangling and apparent quarrelling among lawyers some- times,-but you may depend upon it,-it is all to be taken in a Pickwickian sense, "there's nothin' in it." The
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amenities of the bar-among themselves, and to the court, and the court to the bar are absolutely so, and have become proverbial, and woe be to the lawyer or to the judge who would interrupt, or interfere with them. In every case tried, you will find the lawyers exquisitely polite toward each other ;- and you will hear them for- ever addressing, or alluding to, or referring to, each other -as " my learned friend "-" my distinguished friend"- "the learned gentleman "-"my able opponent "-"my distinguished adversary "-"my erudite friend," and sometimes, if the speaking lawyer be an Irishman-" my erudi-ted frind"-"the able counsel on the other side" -" the distinguished and learned counsel opposed to me," -" the able counselor"-"the eminent counselor," etc., etc. Why there are any quantity and quality of exquisite terms which these lawyers use toward each other, and let me tell you, they are not all humbug or poppy-cock, either, but they are full of meaning, and therefore by no means, mean or contemptible. And then, the familiar address to the court-"may it please the court " or " may it please your honor or honors"-and then the polite way the court has of saying to the lawyers-" our learned brother"-" the learned counsel "-or "the distinguished counselor." Why one would be apt to think, that they certainly thought a very great deal of each other, and they do, too; for those judges are all truthful, sincere, honorable fellows, and they never lie, you may rely,-or rather relie upon that.
AN ANECDOTE UPON THIS SUBJECT.
There was once a lawyer addressing the four judges of the old court of Common Pleas-the presiding judge, and the three associates-and he would purposely, and
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continually, and continuously say-as he spoke closely to his very nice legal points, " may it please your honor !" as if the court were singular, and not plural. At last each of the three associates became offended-got mad,- and one by one left the bench leaving the presiding judge alone in his legal glory. The presiding judge-observ- ing the movement of one of his brethren, and then the movements of the other two-through his spectacles-and feeling quite fidgetty, took them off from his nose, and calmly putting his arms a-kimbo, remarked to the speak- ing lawyer-who, if he had seen, or did see the move- ment of the associates, did not seem to care a whit about it. "The learned counselor will please pause in his remarks !" The counselor stopped. "I am obliged to inform the distinguished advocate,-that the court is with- out a quorum on the bench -- and I, without a quorum, can hear him no longer in his argument,-for there is no court to speak to, not to say, speak of. I presume his singular allusion and address to the court-"may it please your honor" did not please my plural brethren, and, therefore, singly and singularly they have singly seceded, and left me single and singularly enough,- singularly alone. I will have to adjourn, as the other judges do not sojourn with me,-'though it is very singu- lar ! "
Lawyer-"All right, may it please your honor-my knowledge of the definitions or grammar of the law has never yet taught me to make a singular a plural. I was speaking on points of law-and they of course pointed me pointedly, only, to the single law judge upon the bench !"
Presiding fudge-" Mister Sheriff adjourn this sin- gle, and singular court." Adjourned !
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THE MAGNETIC LAWYER.
There was an able and eloquent lawyer of the old court, who was distinguished for much real dirt upon his person, and much dirt, too, from his mouth, for he chewed or rather chawed great quids of 'nigger-head ' tobacco, but when he got to speaking, no more dirt of any kind, flowed from his mouth or lips, it was all pure and clear, the fluency and eloquence of his speech, and in his influence over a jury, he was really, genuinely and truly magnetic. He was one of those persons who had magnetism in and about him, and notwithstanding his dirt, his talk and speech would attract people to him, and much influenced them. He was known as the magnetic lawyer.
One day he was engaged in a case before court, with a two-penny lawyer on the other side. His legal ability and magnetic eloquence to the jury, made the little struggling lawyer quite uneasy, and at last in his reply to his eloquence, he was worked to a pitch of genuine madness, and he loudly declaimed to the jury." The able gentleman, they say, possesses a great deal of magnetism-I can't see it-for the life of me, I can't-but I tell you what I can see ; I can see a great deal of dirt about him, and if I were called upon to pronounce upon the learned and distinguished gentle- man, I should say, he possesses for one of his ability and distinction, a vast deal of maggotism !"
The old able lawyer, distinguished as he was, was extinguished that once, by the little dabster. Wasn't he?
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"MONEY MAKES THE MARE GO !"
There were two sprigs of the law engaged on oppo- site sides in a divorce case, and it was hotly contested. The wife desired to get a divorce from the husband, but the husband wouldn't let her. He wouldn't let her be, and he wouldn't let her gee-and he wouldn't let her go. Besides he was mayor of a village ! The young lawyers became quite harmonious and witty over their first case in the upper court. Alimony was involved in the case, and the wife's lawyer wanted to get a good deal of money from the well-off husband, the mayor! Says the hus- band's lawyer to the wife's lawyer-"you want alimony, do you? And you want, it would seem, all-the-money, my poor client's got. You can't have it. You have not made out a case. You shan't have it. You shan't have all-the-money." The wife's lawyer retorted-" Yes, we do want alimony-all-the-money we can get from your client who has treated this-his poor wife, so badly. Money has made the mayor go, and we now want money to make the mare go, in this case."
Here was something for the husband's lawyer to catch at immediately, and he immediately rejoined, pitch- ing his eloquent voice to a very high key-
"May it please the court-the learned counsel says ' money makes the mare go.' Let me say for his benefit, and for the benefit of his client, and for the benefit, too, of my client, that if money makes the mare go, it will also make the married-( mare-rid)-go, a great deal better; and, therefore, these parties should not be divorced."
And the parties were not divorced. The court would not do it.
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OUR FRIEND RIDDLE IN A BULL CASE !
We have had occasion more than once to refer to our old substantial, and suaviter-in-modo friend Riddle. We forgot to tell about him, when he was once en- gaged in a bull case in court-not an Irish bull case- but a regular, genuine, native bull case. It was also like Solon Shingle's celebrated case-" a cow case " on the other side-for it was literally a case of bull versus cow, or cow versus bull-our friend representing the bull. And he did truly and specifically represent the bull. And behaved, in so doing, somewhat like a bull in a China shop. He so represented the bull-so closely, and so identifyingly, as it were, that in his closing remarks to the jury, he forgot all about the bull, and presented him- self instead of re-presenting the bull of his client-for he said-" Gentlemen of the jury ! We are accused of goring this man's cow, and he would have us mulcted in high damages for it. I tell you, gentlemen of the jury, we didn't gore this man's cow-and the cow can't shake her gory horns at us. We never did it, and the proof plainly shows in the case, that we never did it. We fling back the bare, bear, base and damning insinuation, and tell the learned gentleman-not the cow-on the other side, in his teeth, that we neither gored, garroted, or marred, or murdered his client's cow. Our garments are free from the blood of that cow, we never gored her, make a gourd of our head, if we did. No, gentlemen of the jury, never ! never !! never !!!
Riddle's never ! never !! never !!! or his taking the part of the bull, certainly won the case for him, for the jury gave him a verdict-or the bull!
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THE YOUNG LAWYER AND THE INVITING INKSTAND.
It has been more than once intimated that so courteous and polite have been, and are lawyers toward each other in their intercourse, in their practice generally, that quarrels and fights were, and are like angels' visits- few and far between. But this were a vainglorious boast to proclaim it always so. Sometimes lawyers at the bar even before the court, get so grasping and rasping, that they go over each other rough-shod, and once in a very great while, they may, and do come to absolute blows. It is extremely hard for a young lawyer, aspiring and ambitious, to stand the sarcasm and taunts of an elder brother, especially when the youngster full of spirited diligence and diligent spirit, is trying his first important case in court. We remember in point, a fearful occasion in court. The youngster lawyer, a little dapper fellow of ability, too, and much courage and pluck, was offended, much offended, at the overbearing taunts and insolence of the veteran who was engaged in the case at bar against him. He stood the sarcasm of the veteran, and the taunts as to his young age and young ability, and inexperience, for some time, for a long time ; but at last he could not stand them any longer, and in a paroxysm of indignation, and vindictive wrath, he picked up an inviting inkstand, running over with ink, and hurled it with all his might and main at the head of his worthy or unworthy old opponent, The said opponent had on a pair of the whitest duck linen breeches, and the inkstand missing the head of the opponent, struck him on the hips, and bespattered his nice new pants behind and down the legs, all over with the blackest of ink, so that on a rear view, the pantaloons were turned to black instead of
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white-they were blackened, as if with a blackening brush. When the youngster threw the inkstand, he most indignantly exclaimed : "Now, d-n you, take that. I'll endure these things no longer from you, though you are an eminent counselor of this court."
When the inkstand struck the veteran practitioner on the behind, and bespattered the black ink all over there, and down his legs, the youngster looked aghast, and declaimed, very loudly : "I missed my aim, but I am satisfied, I have blackened your very seat of honor, -' thou sea of ink without a single star '-and hereafter, I think, your taunts and sarcasms on young lawyers, will be 'more honored in the breeches than the observances.'"
This commingling of Bulwer and Shakespeare won for the young advocate distinguished laughter and ap- plause, in which the members of the bar, and even the four judges of the court took part, and the blotted lawyer -to. show that he was not altogether blotted out-survey- ing his breeches before, and particularly behind, calmly and mildly observed : "Young man, this is an old way to pay new debts. I attempted, as you thought, perhaps, to blacken your character, and you have succeeded in blackening my seat of honor, and filling up my breaches.
This was the end, and there was no contempt of court, passed upon by the court, but they had to adjourn for the old lawyer to procure a new suit, or to get his breeches or his breaches renovated. One of the parties to this inkstand matter, the hurler, is now a member of the bar, a survivor of the old court lawyers, and therefore I have mentioned no names. The astonishing pluck of the youngster was much commented on by the old lawyers at the time of occurrence, and by some of them much commended, for it did seem, that there was nothing
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left for the young advocate, but the ready inviting ink- stand on the lawyer's table before him. The young lawyer after that, was never disturbed by the taunts and sarcasm of elder brothers.
WHAT IT IS TO BE A JUDGE !
My preceptor in the law, Judge Timothy Walker, used to frequently say in his lectures before the students of his law school, that the highest and best conception of a judge of a court was an intellectual statue, and he repeats this declaration in writing, in the pages of his useful book called " Walker's Introduction to American Law." Now, with all due respect to the author, the declaration is far, far from the truth. An "intellectual statue " would make a hard, stony, marble-hearted judge indeed, and would give nothing but hard judgments, stone judgments, marble judgments, Shylock judgments. There would always be in his decisions nothing more or less than the "pound of flesh," and the divine quality of mercy would not at all enter into them. Knowledge of, and feeling for human nature, would be entirely absent from the mind, for there would be no heart of such a judge, and straight lines would constitute his pictures, and not the curved lines which are always the distinctive mark of beauty and loveliness. No. Walker was wrong ; he could not stand erect, much less walk stately, in the pur- suit of such a sentiment, or in its realization. His con- ception and view are entirely wrong. A judge, to be a good and true one, should possess both heart and mind, and for the real and true purposes of his office, should possess the former in a greater degree, if anything, than the latter. He should, too, have a heart overflowing with the " milk of human kindness." He should have love ---
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divine love-in his nature, as well as intelligence, and these combined would make him wisc. Away with hard- hearted or no-hearted judges! away with mere intellect without love ! away with judges without wisdom !
And what is the experience of mankind in this regard for hundreds of years in this country and in England? Shall we go further in illustration than our own, illustrious example of John Marshall, the greatest Chief Justice of the Supreme Court of the United States? We think we need not. That man was a man, a human, and a humane man, and he had a heart as big as a mountain, and that good and great heart, too, as it ought to have done, con- trolled his mighty intellect ; and this was the reason that he had such a full reservoir of the best common-the most un-common sense, to resort to, and when he poured out of this, his decisions were always characterized by the highest and brightest fluency, and wisdom, and were the most acceptable to the bar and to all the people. Why, this great and good judge was as simple and innocent in heart as a child. A good story is told of him significant of this, which has never been in print before, I believe, and I will tell it as apropos, though somewhat at the expense of pseudo modesty.
CHIEF JUSTICE MARSHALL, AND THE PEAS !
Judge Marshall, when Chief Justice of the United States, was passing through the thoroughfares of the market in the streets of the city of Washington, one bright, early morning in the beginning of spring time ; and he came across some excellent fresh peas, just from the country garden, and thoughtful that his wife would like those nice, new, green, shelled peas of early spring, he bargained with the vender for a peck of them, and
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duly paid for them. But how to carry them home, for he had no basket! There was an earthen-ware store just opposite, and seeing two capacious chamber-pots on the cellar door there, he went for them, and took them up, bargained for and bought them of the grocer, and with one in each hand, he returned to his shelled peas, had them put into the pots which were now each filled with pca-s, and with one in each hand, and both now full of green freshness, he sauntered, open and above board, through, to the end of the crowded market, and up and down the streets of Washington, until he reached the stone steps of his own mansion, where, at the bottom of them he took a needed rest, meanwhile exposing himself and his pots of peas, to the gaze of neighboring ladies from second story windows, and finally, having rested, he still, ever mindful of his peas and his cuc, which he wore on his hair behind, mounted the steps, and entered the front door of his good home-into the hall -- to the great sur- prise, and astonishment, and wonderment of his good wife and family-and particularly the colored servants, who wondered and wondered what ' dar massa had bought and brought dem tings home foh.'
This story shows simplicity, and therefore shows heart-undoubtedly shows every thing good! fudge Marshall belonged to the human family. Like all of us, he had human fraillics. Give me a man of human frailties, say I ! I want no goodie goodies, no perfection- ists, or perfectists here, on earth. I trust none such. Above all, give me a judge who is a man-a human man, and no statue ! No intellectual statues for judges for me, and those of my fallible way of human and humane thinking. We don't want a bit of them! We can get along without them-entirely .- Sclah !
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THE STORY ABOUT THE NEWLY-DISCOVERED EVIDENCE ! HOW PUGH AND PENDLETON WERE OUTWITTED BY HODGE AND LEAKE. ON MOTION FOR A NEW TRIAL !
Pugh & Pendleton was an old time legal firm practicing much in the old court house. Both of the firm became young United States Senators, one of them, George E. Pugh, when very young in age, scarcely constitutionally eligible, and the other, now a senator, though not very old. They had an important case in court called the Gandolfo case, and though they had labored very hard and diligently for their client, Peter Gandolfo, the plaintiff, they lost their case, being defeated by the extraordinary industry and legal acumen of our old lawyer friend, Adam Hodge, already a conspicious personage in these pages. In their defeat, they made a motion to the court for a new trial, on the ground of newly discovered evidence, and to sustain their motion, they filed in court, two enormous affidavits of two women which had been sworn to, since the trial and verdict, and the testimony in which, made a very strong case of victory for their client. Adam Hodge saw and read the affidavits in the clerk's office, and he ordered and took copies of them, and the question was with him how to get rid of the serious and alarming effects of the afore- said affidavits. The matter was soon settled in the ready mind of Adam ! He posted off to the law office of Bloomfield Leake, near the court house, and he entered, and at once began : "Leake, I want you as a notary public, to go with me to the house of two women, in the Gandolfo case. Pugh and Pendleton have made a motion for a new trial on the ground of newly discovered
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evidence, and have filed in the clerk's office, two monstrous affidavits of these two women, and if these affidavits are true, they will knock my case all hollow. Now, I don't believe this is newly discovered evidence, and if it is, it is all a lie ; but I want you to take your notarial seal along, and go with me, oficially, to see these two women, and re-take their affidavits, or do something or other with them."
Lawyer Leake-" But, Adam, is this fair to the lawyers on the other side? What right have you to interfere with their witnesses?"
Hodge .- " Because I believe this is a put up job on me. This evidence, if it be true, is not newly discovered; that old Gandolfo knew all about it, and his lawyers, too, before the trial of this cause, and it is not newly discovered. And I just want to take these womens' affidavits to show that they told all that they have testi- fied to, to old Gandolfo, and Pugh, and Pendleton, before this case came on for trial, and I have a right to do this."
Leake .- " And you want me to go with you to establish this ?"
Hodge .- "Yes-let's go right off-while the pot is boiling, and the iron 's hot."
Leakc .- "Well-I'll go with you! I suppose it is all right."
Hodge .- " Come on-bring your paper, pen and ink, and official seal, and we will go hunt up these women."
So the two lawyers prepared themselves, and went out in the purlieus of the city for the women, and after a still and silent, long, long hunt, they found them, and Hodge introduced himself as a lawyer in the Gandolfo case-without referring to which side, and his friend Leake as a notary, and said that "they had just come to
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see them especially-their affidavits were all right in the case, but they had forgotten to state one important thing, and that was-when they informed Gandolfo and the lawyers-Pugh and Pendleton-of what they both knew about the case." "Why," said one of the women, "Gandolfo and the lawyers-Pugh and Pendle- ton-knew all about our testimony when the case was begun, for we told them all about what we knew a long, long while ago."
Hodge .- "Oh ! my good woman, that is just what is wanted. Here is paper, and the notary will take your further affidavit."
No sooner said, than business then and there com- menced, and the depositions or affidavits of the women were immediately taken, to the important fact, that their testimony was not newly discovered, but known long ago by Gandolfo and his lawyers. The women were sworn, and signed their names, and the notary certified officially to the affidavits, and applied his official seal, and both lawyers, chuckling over their wondrous success, politely bid the deceived and taken in witnesses on the other side, good-by, and went out of the house-and to Hodge's office -- and then Hodge said to Leake --
" Don't you think the end justifies the means in this case? We've got Pugh and Pendleton by the toes, sure, and I'll teach them, that they can't come it over Adam Hodge."
Leake .-- " Well, Adam, blamed if the result doesn't show you are right. And we are no Jesuits, either, in this matter."
Adam paid Bloomfield his notary fee, and filed his affidavits in the clerk's office just an hour or so before the motion for a new trial came on before the court,
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and neither Pugh or Pendleton had seen the additional affidavits, for they had not been informed of them, and the court was ready to hear the motion, and Pugh and Pendleton presented their side, and read their affidavits of the two women, and were cock sure that they would get a new trial on the merits of their newly discovered evidence-discovered since the verdict of the jury, and therefore, entirely and exceptionally new !"
It was now Hodge's time; and Leake was present to give color to, and countenance his side, and Hodge arose in his place, and he ejaculated : "May it please your honors-this evidence in these old affidavits of these two women, is not newly discovered, but it is old and musty and even rusty, as the new documents I will now show the court will most plainly manifest ; " and Hodge drew forth his new affidavits of the two women, and read them to the infinite surprise of the opposing lawyers, and to the amusement of the court at their astonishment and discomfiture-for these additional affidavits, though so surreptitiously obtained, did plainly show, that the newly discovered evidence was old and musty, and even rusty, as Hodge had said, and the witnesses said in them, that they had told Garndolfo and his lawyers about their testi- mony, long, long ago, and the court had to deny the motion for new trial on the new but old evidence.
Said Mr. Pugh : "This is a trick, Mr. Hodge-one of your old tricks, Adam Hodge! You have tricked us ! What right had you to meddle with our witnesses this way?"
Hodge -- "I wanted to cross-examine them, and as you, on the other side, did not give me the chance, I and brother Leake took it, and here is the result-didn't we, brother Leake? So you see, may it please the court,
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though it displeases my learned opponents, I was com- pelled to compel the truth in this case to leak out.
A SUCCESSFUL CANDIDATE FOR PROSECUTING ATTORNEY AND A SUCCESSFUL DRAMATIST ON THE SAME DAY AND NIGHT.
In days of yore, the democratic party were continued and continuous successful politicians in Hamilton county, and all the ambitious sprigs of the law used to be demo- crats. It was really astonishing how numerous the young democratic lawyers used to be in the days of the old court house, and they were all ambitious for official position - always candidates for the legislature, or for the important office of prosecuting attorney, which office was, of course, directly in the way of their profession. In the fall of the year 1846, there were eight aspirants among the young lawyers for the democratic nomination of prosecuting attorney, and one of these, was victor, handsomely beating his seven competitors in the democratic convention held at the town of Carthage, by a large majority. This young lawyer was also somewhat ambitious to win and wear, and have and hold, the honors of a dramatist. So he had written an entirely new and original comedy, and had given it for production to the manager of the old National Theatre, of Cincinnati, and it so happened that on the very night of the day when he was nominated for prose- cuting attorney, his comedy was to be produced for the first time on any stage, on the boards of the National. Having been a successful politician and nominated for an important office in the day-time, against seven talented and worthy political rivals, what was to be his dramatic fate at night? In the latter he himself was much more interested than in the former. His seven competitors,
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