USA > New York > New York City > A history of New-York : from the beginning of the world to the end of the Dutch dynasty > Part 20
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at last ?"-so saying, with one sweep of his sword, he would cleave the unhappy vegetables from their chins to their waistbands ; by which warlike havoc his choler being in some sort allayed, he would re- turn to his garrison with a full conviction that he was a very miracle of military prowess.
· The next ambition of General Van Poffenburgh was to be thought a strict disciplinarian. Well knowing that discipline is the soul of all military en- terprise, he enforced it with the most rigorous pre- cision ; obliging every man to turn out his toes and hold up his head on parade, and prescribing the breadth of their ruffles to all such as had any shirts to their backs.
Having one day, in the course of his devout re- searches in the Bible, (for the pious Eneas himself could not exceed him in outward religion,) encoun- tered the history of Absalom and his melancholy end, the general, in an evil hour, issued orders for crop- ping the hair of both officers and men throughout the garrison. Now it came to pass, that among his officers was one Kildermeester, a sturdy veteran, who had cherished, through the course of a long life, a rugged mop of hair, not a little resembling the shag of a Newfoundland dog, terminating with an immod- erate queue like the handle of a frying-pan ; and queued so tightly to his head, that his eyes and mouth generally stood ajar, and his eye-brows were drawn up to the top of his forehead. It may naturally be supposed that the possessor of so goodly an appen- dage would resist with abhorrence an order con- VOL. II. F
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demning it to the shears. On hearing the general orders, he discharged a tempest of veteran, soldier- like oaths, and dunder and blixums-swore he would break any man's head who attempted to meddle with his tail-queued it stiffer than ever, and whisked it about the garrison as fiercely as the tail of a crocodile.
The eel-skin queue of old Kildermeester became instantly an affair of the utmost importance. The commander-in-chief was too enlightened an officer not to perceive that the discipline of the garrison, the subordination and good order of the armies of the Nieuw-Nederlandts, the consequent safety of the whole province, and ultimately the dignity and pros- perity of their High Mightinesses, the Lords States General, but above all, the dignity of the great Gen- eral Van Poffenburgh, all imperiously demanded the docking of that stubborn queue. He therefore de- termined that old Kildermeester should be publicly shorn of his glories in the presence of the whole gar- rison-the old man as resolutely stood on the de- fensive-whereupon the general, as became a great man, was highly exasperated, and the offender was arrested and tried by a court-martial for mutiny, de- sertion, and all the other list of offences noticed in the articles of war, ending with a " videlicet, in wear- ing an eel-skin queue, three feet long, contrary to orders."-Then came on arraignments, and trials, and pleadings ; and the whole country was in a fer- ment about this unfortunate queue. As it is well known that the commander of a distant frontier post has the power of acting pretty much after his own
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will, there is little doubt that the veteran would have been hanged or shot at least, had he not luckily fallen ill of a fever, through mere chagrin and mortification -and most flagitiously deserted from all earthly command, with his beloved locks unviolated. His obstinacy remained unshaken to the very last moment, when he directed that he should be carried to his grave with his eel-skin queue sticking out of a hole in his coffin.
This magnanimous affair obtained the general great credit as an excellent disciplinarian, but it is hinted that he was ever after subject to bad dreams and fearful visitations in the night-when the grizzly spectrum of old Kildermeester would stand sentinel by his bed-side, erect as a pump, his enormous queue strutting out like the handle.
BOOK VI.
CONTAINING THE SECOND PART OF THE REIGN OF PETEB THE HEADSTRONG, AND HIS GALLANT ACHIEVEMENTS ON THE DELAWARE.
CHAPTER I.
In which is exhibited a warlike portrait of the great Peter-and how General Van Poffenburgh dis- tinguished himself at Fort Casimir.
HITHERTO, most venerable and courteous reader have I shown thee the administration of the valorous Stuyvesant, under the mild moonshine of peace, or rather the grim tranquillity of awful expectation; but now the war-drum rumbles from afar, the brazen trumpet brays its thrilling note, and the rude clash of hostile arms speaks fearful prophecies of coming troubles. The gallant warrior starts from soft repose, from golden visions, and voluptuous ease ; where, in the dulcet, " piping time of peace," he sought sweet solace after all his toils. No more in beauty's syren lap reclined, he weaves fair garlands for his lady's brows; no more entwines with flowers his shining sword, nor through the live-long lazy summer's day chants forth his lovesick soul in madrigals. To man hood roused, he spurns the amorous flute; doffs from his brawny back the robe of peace, and clothes his
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pampered limbs in panoply of steel. O'er his dark brow, where late the myrtle waved, where wanton roses breathed enervate love, he rears the beaming casque and nodding plume; grasps the bright shield and shakes the ponderous lance; or mounts with eager pride his fiery steed, and burns for deeds of glorious chivalry !
But soft, worthy reader! I would not have you imagine, that any preux chevalier, thus hideously be- girt with iron, existed in the city of New-Amster- dam. This is but a lofty and gigantic mode in which heroic writers always talk of war, thereby to give it a noble and imposing aspect; equipping our warriors with bucklers, helms, and lances, and such like out- landish and obsolete weapons, the like of which per- chance they had never seen or heard of; in the same manner that a cunning statuary arrays a modern general or an admiral in the accoutrements of a Cæsar or an Alexander. The simple truth, then, of all this oratorical flourish is this-that the valiant Peter Stuyvesant all of a sudden found it necessary to scour his trusty blade, which too long had rusted in its scabbard, and prepare himself to undergo those hardy toils of war, in which his mighty soul so much delighted.
Methinks I at this moment behold him in my im- agination-or rather, I behold his goodly portrait, which still hangs up in the family mansion of the Stuyvesants-arrayed in all the terrors of a true Dutch general. His regimental coat of German blue, gorgeously decorated with a goodly show of F 2
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large brass buttons, reaching from his waistband to his chin. The voluminous skirts turned up at the corners, and separating gallantly behind, so as to dis- play the seat of a sumptuous pair of brimstone- coloured trunk breeches-a graceful style still preva- ent among the warriors of our day, and which is in conformity to the custom of ancient heroes, who scorned to defend themselves in the rear .- His face rendered exceedingly terrible and warlike by a pair of black mustachios ; his hair strutting out on each side in stiffly pomatumed ear-locks, and descending in a rat-tail queue below his waist ; a shining stock of black leather supporting his chin, and a little but fierce cocked hat stuck with a gallant and fiery air over his left eye. Such was the chivalric port of Peter the Headstrong; and when he made a sudden halt, planted himself firmly on his solid supporter, with his wooden leg inlaid with silver, a little in ad- vance, in order to strengthen his position, his right hand grasping a gold-headed cane, his left resting upon the pummel of his sword; his head dressing spiritedly to the right, with a most appalling and hard-favoured frown upon his brow-he presented altogether one of the most commanding, bitter look- ing, and soldier-like figures that ever strutted upon canvas. Proceed we now to inquire the cause of this warlike preparation.
The encroaching disposition of the Swedes, on the South, or Delaware river, has been duly recorded in the chronicles of the reign of William the Testy, These encroachments having been endured with that
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heroic magnanimity, which is the corner-stone of true courage, had been repeatedly and wickedly ag- gravated.
The Swedes, who were of that class of cunning pretenders to Christianity, who read the Bible upside- down, whenever it interferes with their interests, in- verted the golden maxim, and when their neighbour suffered them to smite him on the one cheek, they generally smote him on the other also, whether turn- ed to them or not. Their repeated aggressions had been among the numerous sources of vexation, that conspired to keep the irritable sensibilities of Wil- helmus Kieft in a constant fever, and it was only owing to the unfortunate circumstance, that he had always a hundred things to do at once, that he did not take such unrelenting vengeance as their offences merited. But they had now a chieftain of a different character to deal with; and they were soon guilty of a piece of treachery, that threw his honest blood into a ferment, and precluded all further sufferance.
Printz, the governor of the province of New- Sweden, being either deceased or removed, for of this fact some uncertainty exists, was succeeded by Jan Risingh, a gigantic Swede, and who, had he not been rather knock-kneed and splay-footed, might have served for the model of a Samson, or a Her- cules. He was no less rapacious than mighty, and withal as crafty as he was rapacious , so that, in fact, there is very little doubt, had he lived some four or five centuries before, he would have been one of those wicked giants, who took such a cruel pleasure
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in pocketing distressed damsels, when gadding about the world, and locking them up in enchanted cas- tles, without a toilet, a change of linen, or any other convenience-in consequence of which enormities, they fell under the high displeasure of chivalry, and all true, loyal, and gallant knights were instructed to attack and slay outright any miscreant they might happen to find, above six feet high ; which is doubt- less one reason that the race of large men is nearly extinct, and the generations of latter ages so exceed- ing small.
No sooner did Governor Risingh enter upon his office, than he immediately cast his eyes upon the important post of Fort Casimir, and formed the righteous resolution of taking it into his possession. The only thing that remained to consider, was the mode of carrying his resolution into effect; and here I must do him the justice to say, that he exhibited a humanity rarely to be met with among leaders, and. which I have never seen equalled in modern times, excepting among the English, in their glorious affair at Copenhagen. Willing to spare the effusion of blood, and the miseries of open warfare, he benevo- lently shunned every thing like avowed hostility or regular siege, and resorted to the less glorious, but more merciful expedient of treachery.
Under pretence, therefore, of paying a neighbourly visit to General Van Poffenburgh, at his new post of Fort Casimir, he made requisite preparation, sailed in great state up the Delaware, displayed his flag with the most ceremonious punctilio, and honoured
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the fortress with a royal salute, previous to dropping anchor. The unusual noise awakened a veteran Dutch sentinel, who was napping faithfully at his post, and who, having suffered his match to go out, contrived to return the compliment, by discharging his rusty musket with the spark of a pipe, which he borrowed from one of his comrades. The salute in- deed would have been answered by the guns of the fort, had they not unfortunately been out of order, and the magazine deficient in ammunition-accidents to which forts have in all ages been liable, and which were the more excusable in the present in- stance, as Fort Casimir had only been erected about two years, and General Van Poffenburgh, its mighty commander, had been fully occupied with matters of much greater importance.
Risingh, highly satisfied with this courteous reply to his salute, treated the fort to a second, for he well knew its commander was marvellously delighted with these little ceremonials, which he considered as so many acts of homage paid unto his greatness. He then landed in great state, attended by a suite of thirty men-a prodigious and vain-glorious retinue, for a petty governor of a. petty settlement, in those days of primitive simplicity; and to the full as great an army as generally swells the pomp and marches in the rear of our frontier commanders, at the pres- ent day.
The number, in fact, might have awakened sus- picion, had not the mind of the great Van Poffenburgh been so completely engrossed with an all-pervading
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‹
idea of himself, that he had not room to admit a thought besides. In fact, he considered the concourse of Risingh's followers as a compliment to himself- so apt are great men to stand between themselves and the sun, and completely eclipse the truth by their own shadow.
It may readily be imagined how much General Van Poffenburgh was flattered by a visit from so august a personage ; his only embarrassment was, how he should receive him in such a manner as to appear to the greatest advantage, and make the most advantageous impression. The main guard was or- dered immediately to turn out, and the arms and regi- mentals (of which the garrison possessed full half-a- dozen suits) were equally distributed among the sol- diers. One tall lank fellow appeared in a coat in- tended for a small man, the skirts of which reach ed a little below his waist, the buttons were be- tween his shoulders, and the sleeves half-way to his wrists, so that his hands looked like a couple of huge spades-and the coat, not being large enough to meet in front, was linked together by loops, made of a pair of red worsted garters. Another had an old cocked hat stuck on the back of his head, and deco rated with a bunch of cocks' tails-a third had a pair of rusty gaiters hanging about his heels-while a fourth, who was short and duck-legged, was equipped in a huge pair of the general's cast-off breeches, which he held up with one hand, while he grasped his firelock with the other. The rest were accoutred in similar style, excepting three graceless ragamuffins,
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who had no shirts, and but a pair and a half of breeches between them, wherefore they were sent to the black hole to keep them out of view. There is nothing in which the talents of a prudent com- mander are more completely testified, than in thus setting matters off to the greatest advantage ; and it is for this reason that our frontier posts at the present day (that of Niagara for example) display their best suit of regimentals on the back of the sentinel who stands in sight of travellers.
His men being thus gallantly arrayed-those who lacked. muskets shouldering spades and pickaxes, and every man being ordered to tuck in his shirt-tail and pull up his brogues, General Van Poffenburgh first took a sturdy draught of foaming ale, which like the magnanimous More of Morehall* was his invariable practice on all great occasions-which done, he put himself at their head, ordered the pine planks, which served as a draw-bridge, to be laid down, and issued forth from his castle, like a mighty giant, just refresh- ed with wine. But when the two heroes met, then began a scene of warlike parade and chivalric cour- tesy, that beggars all description-Risingh, who, as I before hinted, was a shrewd, cunning politician, and had grown gray much before his time, in consequence of his craftiness, saw at one glance the ruling passion
* . as soon as he rose, To make him strong and mighty,
He drank by the tale, six pots of ale, And a quart of aqua-vitæ."
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of the great Van Poffenburgh, and humoured him in all his valorous fantasies.
Their detachments were accordingly drawn up in front of each other; they carried arms, and they presented arms; they gave the standing salute and the passing salute-They rolled their drums, and flourished their fifes, and they waved their colours --- They faced to the left, and they faced to the right, and they faced to the right about-They wheeled forward, and they wheeled backward, and they wheel- ed into echellon-They marched, and they counter- marched, by grand divisions, by single divisions, and by sub-divisions-by platoons, by sections, and by files-in quick time, in slow time, and in no time at all; for, having gone through all the evolutions of two great armies, including the eighteen manœuvres of Dundas, having exhausted all that they could re- collect or imagine of military tactics, including sun- dry strange and irregular evolutions, the like of which was never seen before nor since, excepting among certain of our newly-raised militia, the two great commanders and their respective troops came at length to a dead halt, completely exhausted by the toils of war. Never did two valiant train-band cap- tains, or two buskined theatric heroes, in the re- nowned tragedies of Pizarro, Tom Thumb, or any other heroical and fighting tragedy, marshal their gallows-looking, duck-legged, heavy-heeled myrmi- dons with more glory and self-admiration.
These military compliments being finished, Gen- eral Van Poffenburgh escorted his illustrious visiter,
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with great ceremony, into the fort; attended him throughout the fortifications ; showed him the horn- works, crown-works, half-moons, and various other outworks ; or rather the places where they ought to be erected, and where they might be erected if he pleased ; plainly demonstrating that it was a place of " great capability," and though at present but a little redoubt, yet that it evidently was a formidable for- tress, in embryo. This survey over, he next had the whole garrison put under arms, exercised and re- viewed, and concluded by ordering the three Bride- well birds to be hauled out of the black hole, brought up to the halberts, and soundly flogged, for the amuse- ment of his visiter, and to' convince him that he was a great disciplinarian.
The cunning Risingh, while he pretended to be struck dumb outright, with the puissance of the great Van Poffenburgh, took silent note of the incompetency of his garrison, of which he gave a hint to his trusty followers, who tipped each other the wink, and laugh- ed most obstreperously-in their sleeves.
The inspection, review, and flogging, being con- cluded, the party adjourned to the table ; for among his other great qualities, the general was remarkably addicted to huge entertainments, or rather carousals, and in one afternoon's campaign would leave more dead men on the field, than he ever did in the whole course of his military career. Many bulletins of these bloodless victories do still remain on record ; and the whole province was once thrown in amaze, by the return of one of his campaigns; wherein it was VOL. II. G
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stated, that though, like Captain Bobadil, he had only twenty men to back him, yet in the short space of six months. he had conquered and utterly annihi- lated sixty oxen, ninety hogs, one hundred sheep, ten thousand cabbages, one thousand bushels of potatoes one hundred and fifty kilderkins of small-beer, two thousand seven hundred and thirty-five pipes, seventy- eight pounds of sugar-plumbs, and forty bars of iron, besides sundry small meats, game, poultry, and gar- den stuff :- An achievement unparalleled since the days of Pantagruel and his all-devouring army, and which showed that it was only necessary to let belli- potent Van Poffenburgh and his garrison loose in an enemy's country, and in a little while they would breed a famine, and starve all the inhabitants.
No sooner, therefore, had the general received the first intimation of the visit of Governor Risingh, than he ordered a great dinner to be prepared ; and pri- vately sent out a detachment of his most experienced veterans, to rob all the hen-roosts in the neighbour- hood, and lay the pig-sties under contribution ; a ser- vice to which they had been long inured, and which they discharged with such incredible zeal and promp- titude, that the garrison table groaned under the weight of their spoils.
I wish, with all my heart, my readers could see the valiant Van Poffenburgh, as he presided at the head of the banquet; it was a sight worth beholding: -there he sat, in his greatest glory, surrounded by his soldiers, like that famous wine-bibber, Alexander, whose thirsty virtues he did most ably imitate-tell-
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ing astounding stories of his hair-breadth adventures and heroic exploits, at which, though all his auditors knew them to be most incontinent and outrageous gasconadoes, yet did they cast up their eyes in admi- ration, and utter many interjections of astonishment. Nor could the general pronounce any thing that bore the remotest semblance to a joke, but the stout Ri- singh would strike his brawny fist upon the table till every glass rattled again, throwing himself back in the chair, and uttering gigantic peals of laughter, swearing most horribly it was the best joke he ever heard in his life .- Thus all was rout and revelry and hideous carousal within Fort Casimir, and so lustily did Van Poffenburgh ply the bottle, that in less than four short hours he made himself, and his whole gar- rison, who all sedulously emulated the deeds of their chieftain, dead drunk, and singing songs, quaffing bumpers, and drinking patriotic toasts, none of which but was as long as a Welsh pedigree, or a plea in chancery.
No sooner did things come to this pass, than the crafty Risingh and his Swedes, who had cunningly kept themselves sober, rose on their entertainers, tied them neck and heels, and took formal possession of the fort, and all its dependencies, in the name of Queen Christina of Sweden: administering at the same time an oath of allegiance to all the Dutch sol- diers who could be made sober enough to swallow it. Risingh then put the fortification in order, appointed his discreet and vigilant friend, Suen Scutz, a tall, wind-dried, water-drinking Swede, to the command,
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and departed, bearing with him this truly amiable garrison, and their puissant commander; who, when brought to himself by a sound drubbing, bore no little resemblance to a " deboshed fish," or bloated sea-monster, caught upon dry land.
The transportation of the garrison was done to prevent the transmission of intelligence to New-Am- sterdam; for, much as the cunning Risingh exulted in his stratagem, he dreaded the vengeance of the sturdy Peter Stuyvesant; whose name spread as much terror in the neighbourhood as did whilom that of the unconquerable Scanderberg among his scurvy enemies the Turks.
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CHAPTER II.
Showing how profound secrets are often brought to light ; with the proceedings of Peter the Head- strong, when he heard of the misfortunes of Gen- eral Van Poffenburgh.
WHOEVER first described common fame, or rumour, as belonging to the sager sex, was a very owl for shrewdness. She has, in truth, certain feminine qualities to an astonishing degree ; particularly that benevolent anxiety to take care of the affairs of others, which keeps her continually hunting after secrets, and gadding about proclaiming them. What- ever is done openly and in the face of the world, she takes but transient notice of; but whenever a transaction is done in a corner, and attempted to be shrouded in mystery, then her goddess-ship is at her wit's end to find it out, and takes a most mischievous and lady-like pleasure in publishing it to the world.
It is this truly feminine propensity that induces her continually to be prying into cabinets of princes, listening at the key-holes of senate chambers, and peering through chinks and crannies, when our wor- thy Congress are sitting with closed doors, delibe- rating between a dozen excellent modes of ruining the nation. It is this which makes her so obnoxious - to all wary statesmen and intriguing commanders -· such a stumbling-block to private negotiations and G 2
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secret expeditions ; which she often betrays, by means and instruments which never would have been thought of by any but a female head.
Thus it was in the case of the affair of Fort Casi- mir. No doubt the cunning Risingh imagined, that by securing the garrison he should for a long time prevent the history of its fate from reaching the ears of the gallant Stuyvesant ; but his exploit was blown to the world when he least expected it, and by one of the last beings he would ever have suspected of enlisting as trumpeter to the wide-mouthed deity.
This was one Dirk Schuiler, (or Skulker,) a kind of hanger-on to the garrison ; who seemed to belong to nobody, and in a manner to be self-outlawed. He was one of those vagabond cosmopolites, who shark about the world as if they had no right or business in it, and who infest the skirts of society like poach- ers and interlopers. Every garrison and country village has one or more scape-goats of this kind, whose life is a kind of enigma, whose existence is without motive, who comes from the Lord knows where, who lives the Lord knows how, and seems to be made for no other earthly purpose but to keep up the ancient and honourable order of idleness. This vagrant philosopher was supposed to have some In- dian blood in his veins, which was manifested by a certain Indian complexion and cast of countenance ; but more especially by his propensities and habits. He was a tall, lank fellow, swift of foot and long- winded. He was generally equipped in a half Indian dress, with belt, leggings, and moccasons. His hair
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