USA > New York > New York City > A history of New-York : from the beginning of the world to the end of the Dutch dynasty > Part 23
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The unexampled liberality of the valiant Stuy- vesant towards the Swedes, occasioned great surprise in the city of New-Amsterdam-nay, certain of these factious individuals, who had been enlightened by the political meetings that prevailed during the days of William the Testy, but who had not dared to in- dulge their meddlesome habits, under the eye of their
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present ruler, now emboldened by his absence, dared even to give vent to their censures in the street. Murmurs were heard in the very council chamber of New-Amsterdam; and there is no knowing whether they would not have broken out into downright speeches and invectives, had not Peter Stuyvesant privately sent home his walking-staff, to be laid as a mace on the table of the council chamber, in the midst of his counsellors ; who, like wise men, took the hint, and for ever after held their peace.
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CHAPTER VI.
Showing the great advantage that the author has over his reader in time of battle-together with divers portentous movements, which betoken that some- thing terrible is about to happen.
LIKE as a mighty alderman, when at a corporation feast the first spoonful of turtle soup salutes his palate, feels his impatient appetite but tenfold quick- ened, and redoubles his vigorous attacks upon the turcen, while his voracious eyes, projecting from his head, roll greedily round, devouring every thing at table-so did the mettlesome Peter Stuyvesant feel that intolerable hunger for martial glory, which raged within his very bowels, inflamed by the capture of Fort Casimir, and nothing could allay it but the con- quest of all New-Sweden. No sooner, therefore, had he secured his conquest, than he stumped resolutely on, flushed with success, to gather fresh laurels at Fort Christina. *
This was the grand Swedish post, established on a small river (or as it is improperly termed, creek) of the same name ; and here that crafty Governor Jan Risingh lay grimly drawn up, like a gray-bcarded spider in the citadel of his web. -
* This is at present a flourishing town, called Christiana, or Christeen, about thirty-seven miles from Philadelphia, on the post-road to Baltimore.
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But before we hurry into the direful scenes that must attend the meeting of two such potent chief- , tains, it is advisable that we pause for a moment, and hold a kind of warlike council. Battles should not be rushed into precipitately by the historian and his readers, any more than by the general and his sol- diers. The great commanders of antiquity never engaged the enemy, without previously preparing the minds of their followers by animating harangues ; spiriting them up to heroic feelings, assuring them of the protection of the gods, and inspiring them with a confidence in the prowess of their leaders. So the historian should awaken the attention and enlist the passions of his readers, and having set them all on fire with the importance of his subject, he should put himself at their head, flourish his pen, and lead them on to the thickest of the fight.
An illustrious example of this rule may be seen in that mirror of historians, the immortal Thucydides. Having arrived at the breaking out of the Pelopon- nesian war, one of his commentators observes, that " he sounds the charge in all the disposition and spirit of Homer. He catalogues the allies on both sides. He awakens our expectations, and fast en- gages our attention. All mankind are concerned in the important point now going to be decided. En- deavours are made to disclose futurity. Heaven itself is interested in the dispute. The earth totters, and nature seems to labour with the great event. This is his solemn sublime manner of setting out. Thus he magnifies a war between two, as Rapin
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styles them, petty states ; and thus artfully he sup- ports a little subject, by treating it in a great and noble method."
In like manner, having conducted my readers into the very teeth of peril-having followed the adven turous Peter and his band into foreign regions-sur rounded by foes, and stunned by the horrid din of arms-at this important moment, while darkness and doubt hang o'er each coming chapter, I hold it meet to harangue them, and prepare them for the events that are to follow.
And here I would premise one great advantage which, as the historian, I possess over my reader ; and this it is, that though I cannot save the life of my favourite hero, nor absolutely contradict the event of a battle, (both which liberties, though often taken by the French writers of the present reign, I hold to be utterly unworthy of a scrupulous historian,) yet I can now and then make him to bestow on his enemy a sturdy back-stroke sufficient to fell a giant; though, in honest truth, he may never have done any thing of the kind-or I can drive his antagonist clear round and round the field, as did Homer make that fine fel- low Hector scamper like a poltroon round the walls of Troy; for which, if ever they have encountered one another in the Elysian fields, I'll warrant the prince of poets has had to make the most humble apology.
I am aware that many conscientious readers will be ready to cry out " foul play!" whenever I render a little assistance to my hero-but I consider it one
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of those privileges exercised by historians of all ages -and one which has never been disputed. In fact, a historian is, as it were, bound in honour to stand by his hero-the fame of the latter is intrusted to his hands, and it is his duty to do the best by it he can. Never was there a general, an admiral, or any other commander, who, in giving an account of any battle he had fought, did not sorely belabour the enemy ; and I have no doubt that, had my heroes written the history of their own achievements, they would have dealt much harder blows than any that I shall re- count. Standing forth, therefore, as the guardian of their fame, it behoves me to do them the same justice they would have done themselves; and if I happen to be a little hard upon the Swedes, I give free leave to any of their descendants, who may write a history of the State of Delaware, to take fair retaliation, and belabour Peter Stuyvesant as hard as they please.
Therefore stand by for broken heads and bloody noses !- my pen hath long itched for a battle-siege after siege have I carried on without blows or blood- shed ; but now I have at length got a chance, and I vow to Heaven and St. Nicholas, that, let the chron- icles of the time say what they please, neither Sallust, Livy, Tacitus, Polybius, nor any other historian, did ever record a fiercer fight than that in which my valiant chieftains are now about to engage.
And you, oh most excellent readers, whom, for your faithful adherence, I could cherish in the warm- est corner of my heart-be not uneasy-trust the fate of our favourite Stuyvesant to me-for by the
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rood, come what may, I'll stick by Hard-kopping Piet to the last; I'll make him drive about these losels vile, as did the renowned Launcelot of the lake, a herd of recreant Cornish knights-and if he does fall, let me never draw my pen to fight another . battle, in behalf of a brave man, if I don't make these lubberly Swedes pay for it.
No sooner had Peter Stuyvesant arrived before Fort Christina than he proceeded without delay to intrench himself, and immediately, on running his first parallel, despatched Antony Van Corlear to summon the fortress to surrender. Van Corlear was received with all due formality, hoodwinked at the portal, and conducted through a pestiferous smell of salt fish and onions, to the citadel, a substantial hut, built of pine logs. His eyes were here uncovered, and he found himself in the august presence of Governor Risingh. This chieftain, as I have before noted, was a very giantly man; and was clad in a coarse blue coat, strapped round the waist with a leathern belt, which caused the enormous skirts and pockets to set off with a very warlike sweep. His ponderous legs were cased in a pair of foxy-coloured jack-boots, and he was straddling in the attitude of the Colossus of Rhodes, before a bit of broken look- ng-glass, shaving himself with a villanously dull razor. This afflicting operation caused him to make a series of horrible grimaces, that heightened exceed- ingly the grizzly terrors of his visage. On Antony Van Corlear's being announced, the grim commander paused for a moment, in the midst of one of his
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most hard-favoured contortions, and after eying him askance over the shoulder, with a kind of snarling grin on his countenance, resumed his labours at the glass.
This iron harvest being reaped, he turned once more to the trumpeter, and demanded the purport of his errand. Antony Van Corlear delivered in a few words, being a kind of short-hand speaker, a long message from his excellency, recounting the whole history of the province, with a recapitulation of grievances, and enumeration of claims, and concluding with a peremptory demand of instant surrender ; which done, he turned aside, took his nose between his thumb and finger, and blew a tremendous blast, not unlike the flourish of a trumpet of defiance -- which it had doubtless learned from a long and inti- mate neighbourhood with that melodious instrument.
Governor Risingh heard him through, trumpet and all, but with infinite impatience ; leaning at times, as was his usual custom, on the pommel of his sword, and at times twirling a huge steel watch-chain, or snapping his fingers. Van Corlear having finished, be bluntly replied, that Peter Stuyvesant and his summons might go to the d' -- I, whither he hoped to send him and his crew of raggamuffins before sup- per time. Then unsheathing his brass-hilted sword, and throwing away the scabbard-" Fore gad," quod he, " but I will not sheathe thec again, until I make a scabbard of the smoke-dried, leathern hide of this runagate Dutchman." Then having flung a fierce defiance in the teeth of his adversary, by the lips of
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his messenger, the latter was reconducted to the por- tal, with all the ceremonious civility due to the trum- peter, 'squire and ambassador of so great a commander, and being again unblinded, was courteously dismissed with a tweak of the nose, to assist him in recollecting his message.
No sooner did the gallant Peter receive this inso lent reply, than he let fly a tremendous volley of red- hot execrations, that would infallibly have battered down the fortifications, and blown up the powder- magazine about the ears of the fiery Swede, had not the ramparts been remarkably strong, and the maga- zine bomb-proof. Perceiving that the works with- stood this terrific blast, and that it was utterly impos- sible (as it really was in those unphilosophic days) to carry on a war with words, he ordered his merry men all to prepare for an immediate assault. But here a strange murmur broke out among his troops, begin- ning with the tribe of the Van Bummels, those valiant trencher-men of the Bronx, and spreading from man to man, accompanied with certain mutinous looks and discontented murmurs. For once in his life, and only for once, did the great Peter turn pale, for he verily thought his warriors were going to falter in this hour of perilous trial, and thus tarnish for ever the fame of the province of New-Nederlands.
But soon did he discover, to his great joy, that in this suspicion he deeply wronged this most undaunted army; for the cause of this agitation and uneasiness simply was, that the hour of dinner was at hand, and it would have almost broken the hearts of these reg-
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ular Dutch warriors, to have broken in upon the in- variable routine of their habits. Besides, it was an established rule among our valiant ancestors, always to fight upon a full stomach, and to this may be doubt- less attributed the circumstance that they came to be 60 renowned in arms.
And now are the hearty men of the Manhattoes, and their no less hearty comrades, all lustily engaged under the trees, buffeting stoutly with the contents of their wallets, and taking such affectionate em- braces of their canteens and pottles, as though they verily believed they were to be the last. And as I foresee we shall have hot work in a page or two, I advise my readers to do the same, for which purpose I will bring this chapter to a close ; giving them my word of honour, that no advantage shall be taken of this armistice, to surprise, or in any wise molest, the Forest Nederlanders, while at their vigorous repast.
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CHAPTER VII.
Containing the most horrible battle ever recorded in poetry or prose-with the admirable exploits of Peter the Headstrong.
" Now had the Dutchmen snatched a huge repast," and finding themselves wonderfully encouraged and animated thereby, prepared to take the field. Ex pectation, says the writer of the Stuyvesant manu script-Expectation now stood on stilts. The world forgot to turn round, or rather stood still, that it might witness the affray ; like a fat round-bellied al- derman, watching the combat of two chivalric flies upon his jerkin. The eyes of all mankind, as usual in such cases, were turned upon Fort Christina. The sun, like a little man in a crowd, at a puppet- show, scampered about the heavens, popping his head here and there, and endeavouring to get a peep between the unmannerly clouds that obtruded them- selves in his way. The historians filled their ink- horns-the poets went without their dinners, either that they might buy paper and goose-quills, or be- cause they could not get any thing to eat-antiquity scowled sulkily out of its grave, to see itself outdone -while even posterity stood mute, gazing in gaping ecstasy of retrospection, on the eventful field.
The immortal deities, who whilom had seen ser- vice at the " affair" of Troy-now mounted their
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feather-bed clouds, and sailed over the plain or min- gled among the combatants in different disguises, all itching to have a finger in the pie. Jupiter sent off his thunderbolt to a noted coppersmith, to have it furbished up for the direful occasion. Venus swore by her chastity she'd patronize the Swedes, and in semblance of a blear-eyed trull, paraded the battle- ments of Fort Christina, accompanied by Diana as a sergeant's widow, of cracked reputation .- The noted bully, Mars, stuck two horse-pistols into his belt, shouldered a rusty firelock, and gallantly swaggered at their elbow as a drunken corporal-while Apollo trudged in their rear, as a bandy-legged fifer, playing most villanously out of tune.
On the other side, the ox-eyed Juno, who had gained a pair of black eyes over night, in one of her curtain lectures with old Jupiter, displayed her haughty beauties on a baggage-wagon-Minerva, as a brawny gin suttler, tucked up her skirts, brandished her fists, and swore most heroically, in exceeding bad Dutch, (having but lately studied the language,) by way of keeping up the spirits of the soldiers ; while Vulcan halted as a club-footed blacksmith, lately promoted to be a captain of militia. All was silent horror, or bustling preparation; war reared his horrid front, gnashed loud his iron fangs, and shook his direful crest of bristling bayonets.
And now the mighty chieftains marshalled out their hosts. Here stood stout Risingh, firm as a thousand rocks-incrusted with stockades, and entrenched to the chin in mud batteries. His valiant soldiery lined
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the breastwork in grim array, cach having his mus- tachios fiercely greased, and his hair pomatumed back, and queued so stiffly, that he grinned above the ramparts like a grizzly death's head.
There came on the intrepid Peter-his brows knit, his teeth set, his fists clenched, almost breathing forth volumes of smoke, so fierce was the fire that raged within his bosom. His faithful 'squire, Van Corlear, trudged valiantly at his heels, with his trumpet gor- geously bedecked with red and yellow ribands, the remembrances of his fair mistresses at the Manhattoes. Then came waddling on the sturdy chivalry of the Hudson. There were the Van Wycks, and the Van Dycks, and the Ten Eycks-the Van Nesses, the Van Tassels, the Van Grolls, the Van Hoesens, the Van Giesons, and the Van Blarcoms-The Van Warts, the Van Winkles, the Van Dams, the Van Pelts, the Van Rippers, and the Van Brunts .- There were the Van Hornes, the Van Hooks, the Van Bunschotens ; the Van Gelders, the Van Arsdales, and the Van Bummels-The Vander Belts, the Van- der Hoofs, the Vander Voorts, the Vander Lyns, the Vander Pools, and the Vander Spiegels .- There came the Hoffmans, the Hooghlands, the Hoppers, the Cloppers, the Ryckmans, the Dyckmans, the Hoge- booms, the Rosebooms, the Oothouts, the Quacken- bosses, the Roerbacks, the Garrebrantzs, the Bensons, the Brouwers, the Waldrons, the Onderdonks, the Varra Vangers, the Schermerhornes, the Stouten- burghs, the Brinkerhoffs, the Bontecous, the Knicker- bockers, the Hockstrassers, the Ten Breecheses, and
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the Tough Breecheses, with a host more of worthies, whose names are too crabbed to be written, or if they could be written, it would be impossible for man to utter-all fortified with a mighty dinner, and to use the words of a great Dutch poet,
" Brimful of wrath and cabbage!"
For an instant the mighty Peter paused in the midst of his career, and mounting on a stump, ad- dressed his troops in eloquent Low Dutch, exhorting them to fight like duyvels, and assuring them that if they conquered, they should get plenty of booty-if they fell, they should be allowed the unparalleled satisfaction, while dying, of reflecting that it was in the service of their country-and after they were dead, of seeing their names inscribed in the temple of renown, and handed down, in company with all the other great men of the year, for the admiration of posterity .- Finally, he swore to them, on the word of a governor, (and they knew him too well to doubt it for a moment) that if he caught any mother's son of them looking pale, or playing craven, he'd curry his hide till he made him run out of it like a snake in spring time .- Then lugging out his trusty sabre, ne brandished it three times over his head, ordered Van Corlear to sound a tremendous charge, and shouting the word "St. Nicholas and the Manhattoes !" courageously dashed forwards. His warlike followers who had employed the interval in lighting their pipes, instantly stuck them in their mouths, gave a furious puff, and charged gallantly, under cover of the smoke.
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The Swedish garrison, ordered by the cunning Risingh not to fire until they could distinguish the whites of their assailants' eyes, stood in horrid si- lence on the covert-way, until the eager Dutchmen had ascended the glacis. Then did they pour into them such a tremendous volley, that the very hills quaked around, and were terrified even unto an in- continence of water, insomuch that certain springs burst forth from their sides, which continue to run unto the present day. Not a Dutchman but would have bitten the dust, beneath that dreadful fire, had not the protecting Minerva kindly taken care that the Swedes should, one and all, observe their usual cus- .. tom of shutting their eyes and turning away their heads, at the moment of discharge.
The Swedes followed up their fire by leaping the counterscarp, and falling tooth and nail upon the foc, with furious outcries. And now might be seen prod- igies of valour, of which neither history nor song has ever recorded a parallel. Here was beheld the sturdy Stoffel Brinkerhoff, brandishing his lusty quar- ter-staff, like the terrible giant Blanderon his oak tree, (for he scorned to carry any other weapon,) and drumming a horrific tune upon the heads of whole squadrons of Swedes. There were the crafty Van Kortlandts, posted at a distance, like the Locrian archers of yore, and plying it most potently with the long bow, for which they were so justly renowned. At another place were collected on a rising knoll the valiant men of Sing-Sing, who assisted marvellously in the fight, by chanting forth the great song of St.
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Pichonkg; bitar to the Gardeniers of Hudson, they were absent from the battle, having been sent out on a marauding party, to lay waste the neighbouring water-melon patches. In a different part of the field might be seen the Van Grolls of Antony's Nose; but they were horribly perplexed in a defile between two little hills, by reason of the length of their noses. There were the Van Bunschotens of Nyack and Kakiat, so renowned for kicking with the left foot, but their skill availed them little at present, being short of wind in consequence of the hearty dinner they had eaten, and they would irretrievably have been put to rout, had they not been reenforced by a gallant corps of Voltigeures, composed of the Hop- pers, who advanced to their assistance nimbly on one foot. Nor must I omit to mention the incom- parable achievements of Antony Van Corlear, who, for a good quarter of an hour, waged stubborn fight with a little pursy Swedish drummer, whose hide he drummed most magnificently; and had he not come into the battle with no other weapon but his trumpet, would infallibly have put him to an un- timely end.
But now the combat thickened-on came the mighty Jacobus Varra Vanger, and the fighting men of the Wallabout; after them thundered the Van Pelts of Esopus, together with the Van Rippers and the Van Brunts, bearing down all before them- then the Suy Dams and the Van Dams, pressing for- ward with many a blustering oath, at the head of the warriors of Hell-Gate, clad in their thunder and light-
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ning gaberdines ; and lastly, the standard-bearers and body guards of Peter Stuyvesant, bearing the great beaver of the Manhattoes.
And now commenced the horrid din, the desperate struggle, the maddening ferocity, the frantic despe- ration, the confusion and self-abandonment of war. Dutchman and Swede commingled, tugged, panted, · and blowed. The heavens were darkened with a tempest of missives. Bang ! went the guns-whack! struck the broad-swords-thump ! went the cudgels -crash ! went the musket stocks-blows-kicks- cuffs-scratches-black eyes and bloody noses, swell- ing the horrors of the scene! Thick-thwack, cut and hack, helter-skelter, higgledy-piggledy, hurly-burly, head over heels, rough and tumble !- Dunder and blixum ! swore the Dutchmen-splitter and splutter! cried the Swedes-Storm the works ! shouted Hard- koppig Peter-fire the mine! roared stout Risingh -Tanta-ra-ra-ra ! twanged the trumpet of Antony Van Corlear-until all voice and sound became un- intelligible-grunts of pain, yells of fury, and shouts of triumph commingling in one hideous clamour. The earth shook as if struck with a paralytic stroke -trees shrunk aghast, and withered at the sight- rocks burrowed in the ground like rabbits, and even Christina creek turned from its course, and ran up a inountain in breathless terror !
Long hung the · contest doubtful ; for, though a heavy shower of rain, sent by the "cloud-compelling Jove," in some measure cooled their ardour, as doth a bucket of water thrown on a group of fighting
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mastiffs, yet did they but pause for a moment, to re- turn with tenfold fury to the charge, belabouring each other with black and bloody bruises, Just at this juncture was seen a vast and dense column of smoke, slowly rolling towards the scene of battle, which for a while made even the furious combatants to stay their arms in mute astonishment-but the wind for a moment dispersing the murky cloud, from the midst thereof emerged the flaunting banner of the immortal Michael Paw. This noble chieftain came fearlessly on, leading a solid phalanx of oyster-fed Pavonians, who had remained behind, partly as a corps de re- serve, and partly to digest the enormous dinner they had eaten. These sturdy yeomen, nothing daunted, did trudge manfully forward, smoking their pipes with outrageous vigour, so as to raise the awful cloud that has been mentioned ; but marching exceedingly slow, being short of leg, and of great rotundity in the belt.
And now the protecting deities of the army of New-Amsterdam, having unthinkingly left the field and stept into a neighbouring tavern to refresh them- selves with a pot of beer, a direful catastrophe had well nigh chanced to befall the Nederlanders. Scarcely had the myrmidons of the puissant Paw attained the front of battle, before the Swedes, instructed by the cunning Risingh, levelled a shower of blows full at their tobacco-pipes. Astounded at this unexpected assault, and totally discomfited at seeing their pipes broken, the valiant Dutchmen fell in vast confusion- Already they begin to fly-like a frightened drove of
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unwieldy elephants they throw their own army in an uproar, bearing down a whole legion of little Hop- pers-the sacred banner on which is blazoned the gigantic oyster of Communipaw is trampled in the dirt-the Swedes pluck up new spirits, and pressing . on their rear, apply their feet a parte poste, with a vigour that prodigiously accelerates their motions- nor doth the renowned Paw himself fail to receive divers grievous and dishonourable visitations of shoe- leather !
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