USA > New York > New York City > A history of New-York : from the beginning of the world to the end of the Dutch dynasty > Part 27
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members spoke most eloquently in the affirmative, and only one arose to suggest some doubts-who, as a punishment for his treasonable presumption, was im- mediately seized by the mob, and tarred and feather- ed-which punishment being equivalent to the Tar- peian Rock, he was afterwards considered as an out- cast from society, and his opinion went for nothing. The question, therefore, being unanimously carried in the affirmative, it was recommended to the grand council to pass it into a law ; which was accordingly done .- By this measure, the hearts of the people at large were wonderfully encouraged, and they waxed exceeding choleric and valorous. Indeed, the first paroxysm of alarm having in some measure sub- sided ; the old women having buried all the money they could lay their hands on, and their husbands daily getting fuddled with what was left-the com- munity began even to stand on the offensive. Songs were manufactured in Low Dutch, and sung about the streets, wherein the English were most wofully beaten, and shown no quarter ; and popular addresses were made, wherein it was proved to a certainty that the fate of Old England depended upon the will of the New-Amsterdammers.
Finally, to strike a violent blow at the very vitals of Great Britain, a multitude of the wiser inhabitants as sembled, and having purchased all the British manu- factures they could find, they made thereof a huge bonfire ; and in the patriotic glow of the moment, every man present, who had a hat or breeches of English workmanship, pulled it off, and threw it most
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undauntedly into the flames-to the irreparable det- riment, loss, and ruin, of the English manufacturers. In commemoration of this great exploit, they erected a pole on the spot, with a device on the top intended to represent the province of Nieuw-Nederlandts de stroying Great Britain, under the similitude of an eagle picking the little island of Old England out of the globe; but either through the unskilfulness of the sculptor, or his ill-timed waggery, it bore a striking resemblance to a goose, vainly striving to get hold of a dumpling.
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CHAPTER V.
Showing how the grand Council of the New-Nether- tands came to be miraculously gifted with long tongues-together with a great triumph of Econ- omy.
: IT will need but very little penetration in any one acquainted with the character and habits of that most potent and blustering monarch, the sovereign people, to discover, that, notwithstanding all the bustle and talk of war that stunned him in the last chapter, the renowned city of New-Amsterdam is, in sad re- ality, not a whit better prepared for defence than be- fore. Now, though the people, having gotten over the first alarm, and finding no enemy immediately at hand, had, with that valour of tongue, for which your illustrious rabble is so famous, run into the op- posite extreme, and by dint of gallant vapouring and rodomontado, had actually talked themselves into the opinion that they were the bravest and most powerful people under the sun, yet were the privy counsellors of Peter Stuyvesant somewhat dubious on that point. They dreaded moreover lest that stern hero should return, and find, that instead of obeying his peremptory orders, they had wasted their time in listening to the hectorings of the mob, than which, they well knew, there was nothing he held in more exalted contempt.
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To make up, therefore, as speedily as possible, for lost time, a grand divan of the counsellors and burgomasters was convened, to talk over the critical state of the province, and devise measures for its safety. Two things were unanimously agreed upon in this venerable assembly :- first, that the city re- quired to be put in a state of defence ; and, secondly, that as the danger was imminent, there should be no time lost-which points being settled, they imme- diately fell to making long speeches, and belabouring one another in endless and intemperate disputes. For about this time was this unhappy city first visited by that talking endemic, so universally prevalent in this country, and which so invariably evinces itself wherever a number of wise men assemble together ; breaking out in long, windy speeches, caused, as phy- sicians suppose, by the foul air which is ever gene- rated in a crowd. Now it was, moreover, that they first introduced the ingenious method of measuring the merits of a harangue by the hour-glass ; he being considered the ablest orator, who spoke longest on a question. For which excellent invention, it is re- corded, we are indebted to the same profound Dutch critic who judged of books by their size.
This sudden passion for endless harangues, so little consonant with the customary gravity and taciturnity of our sage forefathers, was supposed by certain learned philosophers, to have been imbibed, together with divers other barbarous propensities, from their savage neighbours ; who were peculiarly noted for their long talks and council fires-who would never
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undertake any affair of the least importance, without previous debates and harangues among their chiefs and old men. But the real cause was, that the peo- ple, in electing their representatives to the grand council, were particular in choosing them for their talents at talking, without inquiring whether they possessed the more rare, difficult, and oft-times im- portant talent of holding their tongues. The conse- quence was, that this deliberative body was com- posed of the most loquacious men in the community. As they considered themselves placed there to talk, every man concluded that his duty to his constituents, and, what is more, his popularity with them, required that he should harangue on every subject, whether he understood it or not. There was an ancient mode of burying a chieftain, by every soldier throwing his shield full of earth on the corpse, until a mighty mound was formed; so, whenever a question was brought forward in this assembly, every member pressing forward to throw on his quantum of wisdom, the subject was quickly buried under a huge mass of words.
We are told, that when disciples were admitted in- to the school of Pythagoras, they were for two years enjoined silence, and were neither permitted to ask questions nor make remarks. After they had thus acquired the inestimable art of holding their tongues, they were gradually permitted to make inquiries, and finally to communicate their own opinions.
What a pity is it, that, while superstitiously hoard- ing up the rubbish and rags of antiquity, we should
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suffer these precious gems to lie unnoticed ! What a beneficial effect would this wise regulation of Pytba- goras have, if introduced in legislative bodies-and how wonderfully would it have tended to expedite business in the grand council of the Manhattoes !
Thus, however, did dame Wisdom, (whom the wags of antiquity have humorously personified as a woman,) scem to take mischievous pleasure in jilting the venerable counsellors of New-Amsterdam. The old factions of Long Pipes and Short Pipes, which had been almost strangled by the herculean grasp of Peter Stuyvesant, now sprung up with tenfold vio- lence. Not that the original cause of difference still existed,-but, it has ever been the fate of party names and party rancour to remain, long after the principles that gave rise to them have been forgotten. To complete the public confusion and bewilderment, the fatal word Economy, which one would have thought was dead and buried with William the Testy, was once more set afloat, like the apple of discord, in the grand council of Nieuw-Nederlandts-accord- ing to which sound principle of policy, it was deem- ed more expedient to throw away twenty thousand guilders upon an inefficacious plan of defence, than thirty thousand on a good and substantial one-the province thus making a clear saving of ten thousand guilders.
But when they came to discuss the mode of de- fence, then began a war of words that baffles all de- scription. The members being, as I observed, enlist- ed in opposite parties, were enabled to proceed with
-
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amazing system and regularity in the discussion of the questions before them. Whatever was proposed by a Long Pipe, was opposed by the whole tribe of Short Pipes, who, like true politicians, considered it their first duty to effect the downfall of the Long Pipes-their second, to elevate themselves-and their third, to consult the welfare of the country. This at least was the creed of the most upright among the party ; for as to the great mass, they left the third consideration out of the question altogether.
In this great collision of hard heads, it is astonish- ing the number of projects for defence that were struck out, not one of which had ever been heard of before, nor has been heard of since, unless it be in very modern days --- projects that threw the wind- mill system of the ingenious Kieft completely in the back ground. Still, however, nothing could be de- cided on ; for so soon as a formidable host of air castles were reared by one party, they were demol- ished by the other. The simple populace stood gaz- ing in anxious expectation of the mighty egg that was to be hatched with all this cackling; but they gazed in vain, for it appeared that the grand council was determined to protect the province as did the noble and gigantic Pantagruel his army-by covering it with his tongue.
Indeed, there was a portion of the members, con- sisting of fat, self-important old burghers, who smok- ed their pipes and said nothing, excepting to negative every plan of defence that was offered. These were of that class of wealthy old citizens, who, having
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amassed a fortune, button up their pockets, shut their mouths, look rich, and are good for nothing all the rest of their lives. Like .some phlegmatic oyster, which having swallowed a pearl, closes its shell, set- tles down in the mud, and parts with its life sooner than its treasure. Every plan of defence seemed to these worthy old gentlemen pregnant with ruin. An armed force was a legion of locusts, preying upon the public property-to fit out a naval armament, was to throw their money into the sea-to build for- tifications, was to bury it in the dirt. In short, they settled it as a sovereign maxim, so long as their pockets were full, no matter how much they were drubbed-A kick left no scar-a broken head cured itself-but an empty purse was of all maladies the slowest to heal, and one in which nature did nothing for the patient.
Thus did this venerable assembly of sages lavish away that time which the urgency of affairs rendered invaluable, in empty brawls and long-winded speeches, without ever agreeing, except on the point with which they started, namely, that there was no time to be lost, and delay was ruinous. At length St. Nicholas, taking compassion on their distracted situ- ation, and anxious to preserve them from anarchy, so ordered, that in the midst of one of their most noisy debates on the subject of fortification and defence, when they had nearly fallen to loggerheads in conse- quence of not being able to convince each other, the question was happily settled by a messenger, who bounced into the chamber and informed them that
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the hostile fleet had arrived, and was actually advanc- ing up the bay !
Thus was all farther necessity of either fortifying or disputing completely obviated, and thus was the grand council saved a world of words, and the prov- ince a world of expense-a most absolute and glo rious triumph of economy !
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CHAPTER VI.
In which the troubles of New-Amsterdam appear to thicken-showing the bravery, in time of peril, of a people who defend themselves by resolutions,
LIKE as an assemblage of politic cats, engaged in clamorous gibberings, and caterwaulings, eyeing one. another with hideous grimaces, spitting in each other's faces, and on the point of breaking forth into a gene- ral clapper-clawing, are suddenly put to scampering rout and confusion by the startling appearance of a house-dog-so was the no less vociferous council of New-Amsterdam, amazed, astounded, and totally dis- persed, by the sudden arrival of the enemy. Every member made the best of his way home, waddling along as fast as his short legs could fag under their heavy burden, and wheezing as he went with corpu- lency and terror. When he arrived at his castle, he barricadoed the street door, and buried himself in the cider cellar, without daring to peep out, lest he should have his head carried off by a cannon-ball.
The sovereign people all crowded into the market- place, herding together with the instinct of sheep, who seek for safety in each other's company, when the shepherd and his dog are absent, and the wolf is prowling round the fold. Far from finding relief, VOL. II. R
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however, they only increased each other's terrors. Each man looked ruefully in his neighbour's face, in search of encouragement, but only found in its woe- begone lineaments, a confirmation of his own dismay. Not a word now was to be heard of conquering Great Britain, not a whisper about the sovereign virtues of economy-while the old women heightened the general gloom by clamorously bewailing their fate, and incessantly calling for protection on Saint Nicholas and Peter Stuyvesant.
Oh, how did they bewail the absence of the lion- hearted Peter !- and how did they long for the com- forting presence of Antony Van Corlear ! Indeed, a. gloomy uncertainty hung over the fate of these ad. venturous heroes. Day after day had elapsed since the alarming message from the governor, without bringing any farther tidings of his safety. Many a fearful conjecture was hazarded as to what had be- fallen him and his loyal 'squire. Had they not been devoured alive by the cannibals of Marblehead and Cape Cod ?- were they not put to the question by the great council of Amphyctions ?- were they not smothered in onions by the terrible men of Piquag ? -In the midst of this consternation and perplexity when horror, like a mighty nightmare, sat brooding upon the little, fat, plethoric city of New-Amsterdam, the cars of the multitude were suddenly startled by a strange and distant sound-it approached-it grew louder and louder-and now it resounded at the city gate. The public could not be mistaken in the well- known sound-a shout of joy burst from their lips,
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as the gallant Peter, covered with dust, and followed by his faithful trumpeter, came galloping into the market-place.
The first transports of the populace having sub- sided, they gathered round the honest Antony, as he dismounted from his horse, overwhelming him with greetings and congratulations. In breathless accenis he related to them the marvellous adventures through which the old governor and himself had gone, in making their escape from the clutches of the terrible Amphyctions. But though the Stuyvesant manu- script, with its customary minuteness where any thing touching the great Peter is concerned, is very particular as to the incidents of this masterly retreat, yet the particular state of the public affairs will not allow me to indulge in a full recital thereof. Let it suffice to say, that while Peter Stuyvesant was anx- iously revolving in his mind how he could make good his escape with honour and dignity, certain of the ships sent out for the conquest of the Manhattoes touched at the eastern ports, to obtain needful sup- plies, and to call on the grand council of the league for its promised co-operation. Upon hearing of this, the vigilant Peter, perceiving that a moment's delay were fatal, made a secret and precipitate decamp- ment, though much did it grieve his lofty soul to be obliged to turn his back even upon a nation of foes. Many hair-breadth 'scapes and divers perilous mis- haps did they sustain, as they scoured, without sound of trumpet, through the fair regions of the east. Al- ready was the country in an uproar with hostile
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preparation, and they were obliged to take a large circuit in their flight, lurking along through the woody mountains of the Devil's Back-bone; from whence the valiant Peter sallied forth one day, like a lion, and put to rout a whole legion of squatters, consisting of three generations of a prolific family, who were already on their way to take possession of some corner of the New-Netherlands. Nay, the faithful Antony had great difficulty at sundry times to prevent him, in the excess of his wrath, from de- scending down from the mountains, and falling, sword in hand, upon certain of the border towns, who were marshalling forth their draggletailed militia.
The first movements of the governor, on reaching his dwelling, was to mount the roof, from whence he contemplated with rueful aspect the hostile squad- ron. This had already come to anchor in the bay, and consisted of two stout frigates, having on board, as John Josselyn, Gent. informs us, " three hundred valiant red-coats." Having taken this survey, he sat himself down, and wrote an epistle to the command- er, demanding the reason of his anchoring in the harbour without obtaining previous permission so to do. This letter was couched in the most dignified and courteous terms, though I have it from undoubt- ed authority, that his teeth were clinched, and he had a bitter sardonic grin upon his visage all the while he wrote. Having despatched his letter, the grim Peter stumped to and fro about the town, with a most war-betokening countenance, his hands thrust into his breeches pockets, and whistling a Low Dutch
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psalm tune, which bore no small resemblance to the music of a north-east wind, when a storm is brewing. The very dogs, as they eyed him, skulked away in dismay-while all the old and ugly women of New- Amsterdam ran howling at his heels, imploring him to save them from murder, robbery, and pitiless rav- ishment !
The reply of Col. Nichols, who commanded the invaders, was couched in terms of equal courtesy with the letter of the governor-declaring the right and title of his British Majesty to the province, where he affirmed the Dutch to be mere interlopers; and demanding that the town, forts, &c. should be forthwith rendered into his majesty's obedience and protection-promising at the same time, life, liberty, estate, and free trade, to every Dutch denizen who should readily submit to his majesty's government.
Peter Stuyvesant read over this friendly epistle with some such harmony of aspect as we may sup- pose a crusty farmer, who has long been fattening upon his neighbour's soil, reads the loving letter of John Stiles, that warns him of an action of eject- ment. The old governor, however, was not to be taken by surprise, but thrusting the summons into his breeches pocket, he stalked three times across the room, took a pinch of snuff with great vehemence, and then loftily waving his hand, promised to send an answer the next morning. In the mean time, he called a general council of war of his privy counsel- tors and burgomasters, not for the purpose of asking their advice, for that, as has been already shown, he
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valued not a rush; but to make known unto them his sovereign determination, and require their prompt adherence.
ยท Before, however, he convened his council, he re- solved upon three important points ; first, never to give up the city without a little hard fighting, for he deemed it highly derogatory to the dignity of so re- nowned a city, to suffer itself to be captured and stripped, without receiving a few kicks into the bar- gain-secondly, that the majority of his grand council was composed of arrant poltroons, utterly destitute of true bottom-and, thirdly, that he would not therefore suffer them to see the summons of Col. Nichols, lest the easy terms it held out might induce them to clamour for a surrender.
His orders being duly promulgated, it was a piteous sight to behold the late valiant burgomasters, who had demolished the whole British empire in their harangues, peeping ruefully out of their hiding-places, and then crawling cautiously forth ; dodging through narrow lanes and alleys ; starting at every little dog that barked, as though it had been a discharge of ar- tillery-mistaking lamp-posts for British grenadiers, and, in the excess of their panic, metamorphosing pumps into formidable soldiers, levelling blunder- busses at their bosoms ! Having, however, in despite of numerous perils and difficulties of the kind, ar- rived safe, without the loss of a single man, at the hall of assembly, they took their seats, and awaited in fearful silence the arrival of the governor. In a few moments, the wooden leg of the intrepid Peter was
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heard in regular and stout-hearted thumps upon the staircase. He entered the chamber, arrayed in a full suit of regimentals, and carrying his trusty toledo, not girded on his thigh, but tucked under his arm. As the governor never equipped himself in this portentous manner, unless something of a martial nature were working within his fearless pericranium, his council regarded him ruefully, as if they saw fire and sword in his iron countenance, and forgot to light their pipes in breathless suspense.
The great Peter was as eloquent as he was valor- ous-indeed, these two rare qualities seemed to go hand in hand in his composition ; and, unlike most great statesmen, whose victories are only confined to the bloodless field of argument, he was always ready to enforce his hardy words by no less hardy deeds. His speeches were generally marked by a simplicity, approaching to bluntness, and by a truly categorical decision. Addressing the grand council, he touched briefly upon the perils and hardships he had sustain- ed in escaping from his crafty foes. He next re- proached the council, for wasting, in idle debate and party feuds, that time which should have been de- voted to their country. He was particularly indig- nant at those brawlers, who, conscious of individual security, had disgraced the councils of the province by impotent hectorings and scurrilous invectives, against a noble and powerful enemy-those cowardly curs, who were incessant in their barkings and yelp- ings at the lion, while distant or asleep, but, the mo- ment he approached, were the first to skulk away.
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He now called on those who had been so valiant in their threats against Great Britain, to stand forth and support their vauntings by their actions-for it was deeds, not words, that bespoke the spirit of a nation. He proceeded to recall the golden days of former prosperity, which were only to be regained by man- fully withstanding their enemies ; for the peace, he observed, which is effected by force of arms, is always more sure and durable than that which is patched up by temporary accommodations. He endeavoured, moreover, to arouse their martial fire, by reminding them of the time when, before the frowning walls of Fort Christina, he had led them on to victory. He strove likewise to awaken their confidence, by assur- ing them of the protection of St. Nicholas, who had hitherto maintained them in safety, amid all the sav- ages of the wilderness, the witches and squatters of the east, and the giants of Merry-land. Finally, he informed them of the insolent summons he had re- ceived to surrender, but concluded by swearing to defend the province as long as Heaven was on his side, and he had a wooden leg to stand upon-which noble sentence he emphasized by a tremendous thwack with the broadside of his sword upon the table, that totally electrified his auditors.
The privy counsellors, who had long been accus- tomed to the governor's way, and in fact had been brought into as perfect discipline as were ever the soldiers of the great Frederick, saw that there was no use in saying a word-so lighted their pipes and smoked away in silence, like fat and discreet coun-
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sellors. But the burgomasters, being less under the governor's control, considering themselves as repre- sentatives of the sovereign people, and being more- over inflated with considerable importance and self- sufficiency, which they had acquired at those notable schools of wisdom and morality, the popular meet- ings, were not so easily satisfied. Mustering up fresh spirit, when they found there was some chance of escaping from their present jeopardy, without the disagreeable alternative of fighting, they requested a copy of the summons to surrender, that they might show it to a general meeting of the people.
So insolent and mutinous a request would have been enough to have roused the gorge of the tranquil Van Twiller himself-what then must have been its effect upon the great Stuyvesant, who was not only a Dutchman, a governor, and a valiant wooden- legged soldier to boot, but withal a man of the most stomachful and gunpowder disposition ? He burst forth into a blaze of noble indignation,-swore not a mother's son of them should see a syllable of it --- that they deserved, every one of them, to be hanged, drawn and quartered, for traitorously daring to ques- tion the infallibility of government-that as to their advice or concurrence, he did not care a whiff of to- bacco for either-that he had long been harassed and thwarted by their cowardly counsels ; but that they might thenceforth go home, and go to bed like old women ; for he was determined to defend the colony himself, without the assistance of them or their ad- herents ! So saying, he tucked his sword under his
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