USA > Indiana > Monroe County > The new purchase : or, seven and a half years in the Far West > Part 15
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and my wife following, till at the end of about two hundred yards, an unexpected root presented itself, running seemingly from the nearest beach : but as the root ought not to be there, be- fore taking the next step I stooped to examine, holding the light down towards the root-which turned not into, but was in reality nothing more nor less than the head and neck of an enormous rattlesnake ! 4
Perhaps a novice, as I then was in backwood life, may be pardoned for feeling a momentary sickness when the glare of the serpent's eye fell on mine, as the rays of the lamp disclosed and struck on his! The distance between us was only eighteen inches; another step, therefore, would have carried me over or upon the reptile: in the former case I should have been safe, in the latter, one, or both Mrs. C. and myself would have been wounded, perhaps killed! And no sooner had I said-It is a snake! than Mrs. C. too alarmed to reflect, instantly from behind clasped me, holding down both my arms; and thus allowing me neither to advance, nor retreat, nor stir, she at the same time began a series of most piercing shrieks, to which as nothing better could be done, Mr. C. added loud cries of "Hullow-ow! down there !- hullow-ow !! "
Of course, this uproar brought them all up from down there, and a clerical visitor among the rest-Bishop Shrub of Timber- opolis. In the meantime the snake had retreated or passed on; and as there was too great risk in poking after him amid the weeds and grass at night, and the central cabin was the farthest away, our whole party returned, and all spent the night at the parsonage.
CHAPTER XIX.
-"Ab ovo Usque ad mala-" "From the cackle to the cluckle."
I was sitting one day, towards the end of September, with Bishop Hilsbury, when, through his modest little sash were seen two young men riding up; who tying their horses, after a short
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consultation, advanced, to the door. On this the Bishop whisper- ing-"a wedding without doubt," hastened to receive his visitors, who yet administered the usual rap to the door, and entered with the universal salaam-"Well ! who keeps house?"
Evidently the parson had been supposed alone; and my pres- ence seemed to disperse the courage mustered by the youngsters, and they stumbled into seats in manifest distress. But we soon engaged them in conversation on land, timber, corn, swine, muddy roads, dry ridges, high waters, and all sylvan topics: and on all and each, our friends rung the changes of all the powerfuls, big and little; and all the chances and sprinkles, the smarts and right smarts and right down smarts, till they were talked, not out of countenance, but into it; nay, till they had more than a dozen times (while the clatter lasted) seemingly collected brass suffi- cient for their special affair to be introduced at the next pause. Yet alas ! with the calm, returned the sheepishness; and there sat our rustics red as boiled lobsters, not at any thing said, but at what was to be said, and grinning a smileless kind of contortion at each other, equal to asking-"Won't you begin?" Then they gnawed their spice wood riding whips-wriggled on their seats -crossing leg after leg, as if the legs were all equally opposed to being undermost, till convinced nothing by way of expose was coming this gap, off set afresh on the circle of old topics thus :- "Immense forests here, sir !"
"Yes-most powerful 'mense heap of woods. Allow woods is most considerable cut off in them 'are settlements you come from, Mr. Carltin? They say you've no barr no turkey out thare, in Filledelfy?"
"No: no bears on four legs. But still we've a smart sprinkle of dandy out our way"-
"Huh! haw !- them's the fellers with hair on their faces and what goes gallin all the time-powerful heap a fun in that, Mr. Hilsbury, though."
Here the speaker stopt short; for what he had said about our hairy creatures was out of no disrespect for the animals, but only to lighten his own load; but then he had found it still too heavy, and broke down at the lift. Retreat, however, did not offer, and so suddenly rising and winking to the parson, they both went
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together into the yard, leaving myself and the other young man in the cabin. When outside, the groom-for he it was, thus commenced :
"Well-hem-Mr. Hilsbury-hem !"
"Yes-Joseph-I think I understand-don't I?"
"Well-allow, maybe you do."
"I was down in the Welden settlement, and I heard something about our losing neighbour Ashford's Susan."
"He! he !- yes !- well I am a sort a goin to git married-and Susan's the very gal. Well now, Mr. Hilsbury, Billy Welden's come along for a groomsman and he's got the invite-I'll just call him out and git it."
Billy accordingly was now summoned, and taking off his new fur hat, he extracted the "invite" from the lining and handed it over to the preacher. As the Bishop allowed me to see the docu- ment as a specimen of New Purchase literature, I took the fol- lowing exact and literal copy :
"Rev. Mr. Hilsbury asqr.,-you are pertikurly invited to atend the house of mr. Abrim Ashford asq. to injine upon i the yoke of konjegal mattrimunny with his dater miss Susan Ashford as was-thersday mornin next 10 aklok before dinner a. m.
mr. Joseph Redden your humbell sarv't, mr. William Welden, groomsman."
"p. s. dont say nuthin about this 'ere weddin that's to be-as its to be sekrit-and to morrer Billy Welden's goin to ride round and give the invites-and all your settlemint's to be axed."
The reader will err if he think this the worst specimen of our New Purchase authorship. It was, in fact, the best our literati, near Glenville at least, could furnish, (and like Andrews and Stoddard's Grammar,) it was a joint reproduction ; it was done by Joseph Redden and William Welden, both aided by the school- master of the Welden settlement. And it was got up with great care and done in the very best round hand. Few persons around us at this time, could even read, much less write; and the ladies of Glenville were regarded with wonder as soon as it was known that they could not only read and write, but even "sifer, and cast
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'counts !" We men of Glenville had from the first been deemed "powerful smart," and the above note had been got up and per- formed expressly to show us that other folks had learning too, and could do a thing up to Gunter.
Next day Mr. Welden appeared in the edge of the woods, be- ing too much in a hurry to dismount and let down the bars, and according to etiquette in such cases, he exclaimed, "Hullow! the house !" Upon this, Mr. Seymour proceeded to the fence, and on his return to the house announced that we all had the anticipated invite.
And now as it is sometimes before we go to the wedding, we may properly in the interval introduce the bride elect and her family. "'Abraham Ashford, the father, was the patriarch of the Ashford settlement, which joined Glenville on the north-west. Af- ter a life of some years in a cabin of the roughest order, the family had, within the past year, removed into a good two story log-house of the hewed order ; and hence, he himself being a very tall man and having sons tending rapidly upward to his summit level, and having a two story house, neighbour Ashford is to be regarded as an eminent man. He had, too, scraped a spelling acquaintance with easy reading, and that made him affect the company of the Glenvillians-not so much I fear to increase his knowledge as to display it. For instance, once on bringing his stock of ginseng to our tannery, where we bought the article on speculation, Mr. Ashford on laying it on a dry hide thus began :
"Well, Johnny, my buck, what do you allow sang's (ginseng) done with out thare in Chi-ne?"
"Oh! probably the Chinese smoke it, or chew it!"
"Well, that's your idee; but I knows better nor that comes to, according to my idee."
"What is your opinion ?"
"Well, I'll tell you. A sailor-man was once out here in sang time a buying up-long afore you come out-and he'd been in all them parts about Chi-ne in a ship or the like-and he told me all about what them fellers done with it."
"Indeed !"
"Yes-and he told me as how they biled the sang up, and put it in to clarify chany tea cups and sassers."
·
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Neighbour Ashford was, moreover, a philosopher; but as his views may perhaps expose him to a visit from the Inquisition, I shall give no greater insight into his physical creeds, than by a narration of our talk on the shape of the earth.
"Mr. Ashford," said Glenville, one day I was present, "I wish you would let Carlton here understand your idea about the shape of the earth; he's just from college and don't think as you do."
"Well, Johnny, my buck, I'm willing to talk with Mr. Carlton, or any larn'd man; and I've no idee this here world of ourn is round. Them's my sentiments, Mr. Carlton."
"I do not quite agree with you there, Mr. Ashford; I have been taught that our earth is an oblate spheroid !"
"Oh! I don't know nuther consarnin high-flow'd diksionary shapes ; all my idee is the world's not ublate, nor no sort of round, and I kin prove it straight as a rifle."
"I only meant to say I was taught to think the world was a sort of roundish; but I'm ready to give up if you can prove as you say."
"Well, I'm powerful glad to see, Mr. Carlton, you aint proud for all your high larnin-and so I'll jist tell you how I kim to find it out.1 You see, sir, I was one day a ploughing with them two brown mares, to put in corn, and as we ploughed along, I gets into a solelo'que on this diffikilt pint, and so sez I to myself, sez I, what's the use in filloserfers a sayin our world's round. Don't my ole-womin's dry apples git off the plank and then role rite down, smack down the pitch of the ruf? 'Cos why? Why 'cos it aint flat. And so I argefied the pint agin this way ; sez I, kin a feller go spang up the round of a big punkun? And then I stops the mares; and sez, wouldn't this here plough and them 'are hoss- beasts role down like the dry apples if this here world was round like a big punkun-and aint it more powerful harder to go up and stick on a big round thing nor a little one? And then I jist minded-and I slapped agin my head so, (action to word,) and I hollows out aloud, so that the mares started to go-but I cries "woh! won't you?"-and they stops agin-and I kept on a hol- lowin-"I've got it !- I've got it "-and slaps rite off to make tracks home-and when I gets in, sez I to the ole womun, "Molly,"
1 Speech only translated and contracted and improved.
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sez I, "hand us the ole book-I've got it!" "Got what, Abrum?" -sez she. "Why hand us the ole book, I tell you," sez I. (Dur- ing the progress of his lecture,2 Mr. Ashford had taken up our family bible ; and now with his finger resting on the third verse of Genesis, he did, on a sudden for me, what he had previously done for his wife.) And so she hands me the ole book, and I lays it out afore her jist so, (opening and spreading the book before me,) "thare sir, thare, read that thare varse-its proved from the Bible, sir-thare read that are!" viz :- "And the earth was with- out FORM ! sir."
Here we held down our head as close to the page as possible, as if absorbed in thought and inspecting the words most closely, till with an unsteady voice we could reply :-
"I confess, Mr. Ashford, I never did see the passage in that light before; and it only proves that plain men, if left to them- selves, will often discover what learned folks never can; but what shape is the earth do you say?"
"Do I say !- why doesn't the ole book itself say the earth aint no shape at all ?- its got no form-its nuthin but a grate stretched along place like a powerful big prararee without any ind-yes, sir, and as flat as a pancake."
"True, Mr. Ashford, and the Bible says also the earth is VOID !- empty, sir, and hollow as a nut shell !"
For a moment Mr. Ashford was staggered at so unexpected an addition to his theory ; he seemed alarmed at the utter empti- ness of a shapeless earth! Yet at the very next log-rolling, he proclaimed both Glenville and Carlton to be converts to his "idee," adding in the latter gentleman's praise, "he wan't nere so stuck up a feller as folks said." And so, reader, we are Amorphorites ; with more belief, however, in the emptiness of the world, than in its want of shapes.
As to the sun, Mr. Ashford had a very peculiar and original theory ; "I am," said he, "sentimentally of opinion that the sun, after all, is nothing but a great shine!" Like many other forest patriarchs, our neighbour often did his own preaching; being in advance of this age, when we all do our own doctoring, write our own poetry, tales, essays, and every man is his own lawyer; and
2 Could not some Lyceum send for Mr. Ashford?
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of course in theology, like people in an enlightened era, he had his own notions. Hence, in one discourse about the good Samari- tan, he took occasion to illuminate us as to its "Speretil meaning ;" and among other things said, "some folks think that the two pennies left the Jerickoo man, was nuthin but cash pennies-but my friends, there's a speretil and bettersome idee :- one penny is the law, and tother's the gospel."
The Ashfords were, however, remarkable for nice housekeep- ing, and for cleanliness of person. They all were, too, thrifty and ingenious. Unable in the early times of their settlement to obtain hemp or flax, they gathered a peculiar species of nettle, (called there nettleweed,) which they succeeded in dressing like flax, and in weaving it into cloth. By some accident, they had been then destitute of food for several days, and during that time they had lived on squirrels and elm-bark. But the rose of our wilderness was Susan Ashford, the intended bride. Ignorant, indeed, she was of all things out of the woods; but she was of good natural capacity, merry disposition, lofty notions, and withal a very pretty and modest maiden. From the first, she took a strong liking for the Glenville people; and was evidently glad to find friends able and willing to teach her many important matters of which she frankly and voluntarily would confess her ignorance. And as far as her mother would permit, Susan by degrees conformed their own domestic economy and fixtures to ours, defending us when- ever her mother would object and intimate that the "Glenville folks were, maybe, a leetle prouder nor they should be."
Susan had, of course, many offers ; yet as she told Emily Glen- ville, her confidante-"she'd no idea of marrying any rough body without no more manners than a barr ; and for her part she'd have somebody that know'd how to dress up on Sundays in store cloth and yaller buttins, a sort a gentleman like."
Now Susan did not really think that dress made the man ; she did only think, and properly think, that no decent young fellow would on proper occasions boorishly neglect his dress, and espe- cially when he came a courting.
One answering externally became a suitor. He was morally, however, unworthy Susan; and her escape was owing to his per- sonal dirtiness-with which a curious accident made her ac-
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quainted. She caught sight of his naked feet, as he in a moment of forgetfulness took off his shoes and stockings in her presence ; upon which she declared next day to Emily Glenville, "that she never would have sich a dirty feller, if he did wear store cloth and yaller buttins." This fellow, a pretty well educated Scotch- man, had courted some by letters, which the Ashfords not fully comprehending had now and then brought to Emily to be de- ciphered, especially the letter in which the suitor said, "he had a predilection for his mistress !" On this occasion, Susan remarked, "there was sich a powerful heap of diksenery words, she could'nt quite see the drift on 'em. Happily the above accident saved our protegé from a disastrous union with an atheist and a distiller.
But now Joseph Redden was accepted; a very honest, indus- trious, and upright young man ; and who not only dressed up to Susan's rule, but more than that, he kept, about twenty-five miles distant, a small store himself, and' sold store cloth and yellow buttons to others. And thus Susan, and all her old friends, and we her new ones, were well satisfied. Having no occasion to mention our young folks after the wedding, we think the reader will be glad to know, that when we re-emigrated from the west, Mr. and Mrs. Redden were living in comfortable circumstances, respected and beloved.
In due time the wedding-day came. Mr. Hilsbury, however, had not yet got home from a distant missionary tour, and we of Glenville were forced to set out without the bishop; in hopes in- deed, he would be yet in time at Mr. Ashford's. Between our settlement and his, the distance was little more than two miles; and for want of conveyances enough for all, it was concluded in a general assembly of our colony the day before, that the ladies and helps `of the borough, should ride to the wedding, and the gentlemen walk. And so we took up the line of procession thus :-
I. Uncles John and Tommy in the van. Their business was to keep the true course through the woods, clear away brush and let down fences.
2. Mrs. Glenville and Aunt Kitty riding twice on Kate, the celebrated grey mare-queen of horses (genus.)
3. The Rev. Mistress Hilsbury on a borrowed nag; the lady with an infant in her arms, and a little girl for nurse behind.
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4. Mrs. Carlton, Miss Emily and Aunt Nancy on our spotted mare, called Freckled Ginney.
. 5. Last of the cavalry, Old Dick, with all the help of the colony-i. e. three gals riding thrice.
6. Glenville and Carlton closed the rear. Our business was to put up fences, see the ladies get along in safety, and, above all, to keep Dick from lagging. For like grave personages familiar with Chesterfield, Dick was rarely in a hurry; on the contrary he usually stepped with a very solemn swing, as conscious men's eyes were upon him and of his weight in society. And yet after a very long sermon he would sometimes hasten home with an irreverent impatience ; and always on rounding a certain sink hole, whence could be caught a glimpse of the stable, our hero, and without consulting the friends who were kindly backing him, would sud- denly pitch into a gait compounded of every pace and shuffle ever learned in his youth or since taken up extemporaneously.
Once Dick had been loaned to the Bishop's wife; and on our return from church-all persuasives from the lady's heel and Mr. Carlton's toe-all stripes from beech rods and leather whip-all cherrups and get-ups and even old-rascals-you-all snapping of bridle reins to bring to his recollection Conestogo whip-crackings -all, all were in vain !- Dick only grinned or gave a double flourish with his tail, crawling along and dragging leg after leg, till they seemed always in motion and yet always stock-still! But unexpectedly to us he reached the favourite sink hole; when, giving a sudden sneeze and slapping my beast in the face with his tail, away he darted into the nondescript gait named-but very much as if the caco-demons dislodged from the swine had some- how got possession of his carcase. The dry leaves of autumn were then plenty, and the fellow got them into such a lively, ex- cited and noisy state, that we riders, only ten feet apart, could hear nothing said by one another: hence, after use- less efforts to be heard in answer to the lady's voice coming to me in a high screech-key, I kept only at last rising in my stirrups, opening the mouth very wide and supporting the jaw with one hand, so that with a distorted face I seemed in the agony and effort of loud and earnest delivery-but yet uttered not a word. And in this interesting attitude we sustained an instructive con-
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versation, till the lady guessing at the pantomime, we both added a chorus of cachination to the rattling harmony of shuffling horse-heels, and came in a tempestuous whirlwind of careering leaves to the last-bars; where Dick stopped and the hurricane subsided.
"Nonsense ! Mr. Carlton-"
Granted, my dear Mr. Graves : but are we back-woods' people to have no fun? And if we are to have any, how shall we have it unless we create it? You have concerts, and balls, and popular lectures till they become unpopular-and jest books-Lady's Book -Gentleman's Book- Boy's Book-and organs in churches, and candy shops and oysters and what not? And we are to mope to death in the woods-hey? Believe me, we learn out there to make our own sports and contrive to extract something pleasant from the empty roar of autumnal leaves shuffled and kicked into harmless tempest by old Dick's horse-heels. And further, dear Mr. Strutell, all this requires more ingenuity, and even a calmer conscience, than every body has: an ill-natured, an ignorant, a conceited, a wicked person will be very miserable in the solitudes of a New Purchase.
"But you started for the wedding."
We did; but we had two miles and more to go-and here is the place-and we shall resume the narrative.
The wedding party were all assembled and expecting our ar- rival. And now Mr. Ashford came to meet us, expressing his regret at the failure of Mr. Hilsbury to be present ; but as several other preachers were present, he suggested that it would now be best to proceed with the ceremony. In this we coincided, and so preparation was made for it, the Rev. Diptin Menniwater being selected in place of Bishop Hilsbury.
And soon then we were all paraded in the large rooms, in which the company was compactly rowed along upon benches, as noiseless and solemn as in "meetin:" and hence we men of Glenville went squeezing around, and among, and into, shaking hands with all that could be got at, and nodding and smiling and winking at such as could not be felt and handled, till places were found if not to sit in, yet to stand in, and where we waited in laudable patience for the descent of the bridal party to destroy
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the oppressive and dead calm that succeeded. The solemn still- ness was indeed, now and then broken by some lagger who admin- istered the usual slap to the door and uttered the visiting formula already named-but that was only an interruption like pitching a pebble into a smooth deep lake. At very long last Mrs. Ashford going to foot of the steps-a compound of ladder and stairs- called to those in the upper room :-
"Well if any body up thare's got a sort of notion to get married to-day, I allow thare's no time to lose, no how."
This was answered with a species of giggle-sniggering by par- ties in both stories; and in the midst commenced above a shuffle movement, as if something might be expected below pretty quick. And soon was placed in descending order, first, a pair of shiney new calf-skin boots with thin soles; then, secondly, only a step higher, a pair of bran new morocco slippers, with ancles in white stockings ; and then, thirdly, at suitable intervals, second pairs of shiney dittos and moroccos and ancles. These omens were in- stantly succeeded by coat tails hooked on men's arms, and white frocks held aloof from soiled stairs-(all which matters were plain enough to us behind the stair way, it having no flooring or back for the convenience of sweeping and scrubbing)-till the principal actors had all descended bodily, and stood among us propriâ personâ-i. e. as large as life. Whether from ignorance or etiquette, the groom and his attendant, instead of being leaned upon, rested their own arms on those of the two ladies, the bride and her maid-as if each man had hooked a woman and was determined to hold her fast for a wife after the trouble of catching.
The Rev. Mr. Menniwater, a piteous looking personage, hum- ble as a drowned rat, was now seen to emerge from behind one of the back benches, whither he had slunk away, to nurse his courage for the grand duty ; but unable to come near the parties at the foot of the stair-ladder, he remained where he was and began to cry out his part as if engaged in out-door preaching, only with unusual rapidity, lest his speech should be forgotten before it could all be delivered-thus :-
"Well-are you going for to take-Sir-that womin-Sir-a holdin by the hand-Sir-for a lawful-covenint wife, Sir?"
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To this question direct the groom and groomsman both re- tured nods ; although the real man added an audible-"Yes I am," giving, too, a visible pinch to Susan's arm; equivalent to an ex- hortation and admonition that it was next her turn.
"Well-are you going for to have-hem !- Ma'am !- that thare man-Ma'am !- a holdin on your arm-for to be your lawful covenint-man-hem !- husband, Ma'am?"
Here both ladies made a courtesy, (kurtshee,) but Susan added the affirmative; upon which the parson repeated the following closing form :---
"Well, I say then by authority of this here license from the clark of our court, as how you're both now-man and woman- that is-hem !- as how both of you are married, young folks, and no body's no right to keep you asunder." Upon which, greatly terrified, our preacher instantly demanded something to drink ; not that he needed any thing from thirst, but from embarrassment, and to cover his retreat. And this request was, at the very word, answered by a potation or grog, of whiskey, water and maple sugar. Indeed, in those days out there, we have been in church, when, at the amen to the benediction, forth came Deacon Giles, with a wash-basin-bowl full of whiskey and some water, sweet- ened as above and flavoured with nutmeg; and of this sipped first the man of God-for form's sake :- and after that it was all swallowed by the congregation, in mouthfuls sufficient to elevate the mind, if dejected by the sermon.
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