USA > Indiana > Monroe County > The new purchase : or, seven and a half years in the Far West > Part 39
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in the shortest time, tends directly to content them with the short- est, the cheapest, the most paltry education; and it is natural all mere utilitarian schemes should degenerate into the most pitiful and meagre systems. After all, an education in mental discipline, in the good old way, is the best for practical uses; and if a dis- ciplined man fail in making money or gaining worldly houours, he never can fail, if virtuous, in possessing his intellectual superiority and its concomitant joys ; but my paper is out. Farewell." 1
Yes, Clarence, you were right and we wrong. Well do I remem- ber your lectures and conversations, in which you insisted it was wrong to appeal so exclusively to the selfish and political feelings and views, and thus coax men to have schools. How you argued that whole communities, if disappointed in immediate and profit- able results, came soon to ask "cui bono?" not only as to the classics, but even as to the sacred R. R. R. themselves. For what was else to be expected, when virtue itelf was valued as it was found useful; and honesty practiced and tolerated, because the best policy ?
Yes! yes! thy mantle is fallen upon me! the puerile picture- book, the question and answer, the no-studying, the cheap as dirt, and nearly as worthless systems, shall all themselves come in due time to be neglected ! Ay! for a while, a time and a half time, in some degrees and minutes and seconds shall rage utility and selfish- ness ; and this lower world's honours and glories shall be sought and not found for everybody and everybody' son in the lecture system, and the common school system, and the lyceum system; and then before the reformation shall the friend-to-man and humbug-sys- tem, as well as the nobility-making and the aristocratical teaching first receive nothing from pupils, and then pay a premium for scholars ! Amen.
Our professor, however, did persuade a few to lay the proper foundation of mental discipline in the proper union of classical and abstract mathematical studies. And so well did he cause to appear the few thus persuaded, in contrast to equals restricted elsewhere to the beggarly elements of a good (?) English educa-
1 Since writing the above Clarence informs me the trustees have dis- missed him and shut the Academy, as the people do not wish a classical school at all !
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COLLEGE BUILDINGS 1836
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tion ; and so manifest had it become, that the R. R. R. and other common and even uncommon English branches could all be ac- quired, while pupils were laying the proper foundation, that not only were some of the Woodville commonwealth induced to try "the high and big-bug larnin," but pupils for the same purpose began to come from abroad. And these were styled Foreign and Strange Students.
And then, dear reader, as moneys came in, you have no idea how converts increased to the doctrine of College-utility! for none could deny the utility! It was tangible, visible, audible ! With our own eyes we saw Cash! handled it with our fingers! heard it jingle with our ears! And all at once "high larning" became as popular as common schools. It was equal to a pro- ductive system, or grammar! It raised the wind! It brought the rhino! Only show that a school, an academy, a college, or, a church, will advance the value of town lots-bring in more consumers-create a demand for beef, cloth, pepper and salt, powder and shot; then, from the vulgar plebeian dealing in shoe leather, up to the American nobleman dealing in shops, and who retails butter and eggs, we shall hear one spontaneous voice in favour !
But wo, Pedagogue, if all are not speedily benefited by your school! Wo! if town lots rise not! if boots are not worn with dandy heels! if everybody that has one spare room and two gar- rets, obtain not boarders! if cloth sells not ever so many hundred per cent. above cost ! if, in short, you enrich not all your dear fel- low-townsmen !- then shall you hear the growlings of swine-like selfishness, and be asked "what's the use of learning?" Then shall you be complimented with many honorary titles, as "pitiful schemer !"-"book worm!" "idle rascal !" Or, all will be summed in "darn'd Yankee!"-the most comprehensive A.M. that can be bestowed in the Purchase, saving two lower case "d. d." a few years after this innocently given, because he was "out of sorts," by our college printer to the worthy and reverend Constant Bloduplex, d. d.
The star of Clarence was, however, on the ascendant; and he that had introduced "the d-n Yankee trick" of exacting writ- ten excuses, was suddenly discovered to be "a powerful and
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mighty clever feller!" And his "high larn'd idees" had more good in them than one could have conjectured! But when two gentle- men from a slave State appeared in Woodville, at the opening of this summer's session, and not merely with three boys as new scholars, but with the avowed intentions of buying town lots and living with us till the education of their sons should be completed ; and when these gentlemen were seen in broadcloth coats with yellow buttons, and canton. crape pantaloons, walking round and examining sites for dwellings-then was the college extolled to the very heavens! And Clarence! what did he not become? If not a demi-god, at least within a fourth of it-a veritable semi- demi-one, a genuine · terrestrial quarter-deus !
Poor fellow! he was a little inflated by the popular breath; and mistaking the vox populi for the vox dei, he said the college was safe! and that Providence had some remarkably excellent things in view for the great valley of the Mississippi in general, and for our portion of it in particular! Ah! enthusiast! how you made us thrill with your paintings of our future! How you thanked Heaven for casting your lot among us ! and dreamed of sumptuous edifices for colleges ! and libraries ! and apparatus ! and crowded recitation rooms! You lost sight of your own principles, and thought pyramids could be built on air! Happily, my friend's day-dreaming was soon dispelled, or he would have been ruined. As it was, he increased his own library many fold. He bought Minoras, and Majoras, and Homers, and Ciceros, and lexicons, and concordances, and antiquities, and anthologies and architec- tures-and would have ordered the whole stock of the Carvils- as if beastly selfishness in a community was the basis for a large library, more than for a liberal, manly, gentlemanly, and Christian education !
In these pleasing circumstances, our Principal relaxed not the reins of wholesome discipline. And at this very juncture, our Faculty had promulgated a decree against something ; but on find- ing both public and private admonition unavailing, they advertised that the next transgression would be visited by a brief suspension. On the very next day two pupils were seen by both masters, and in the very act of disobedience; and of course Crabstick and Thorntree were suspended for-twenty-four hours!
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Many things create surprise in our mysterious world, which are followed, some by contempt, others by indignation and rage. A tom-cat exquisite leaps lightly on a toilette before a glass, and for the first sees a rival waving a taper tail, arching a velvet back, and purring with the most provoking complacency-all where he had reigned alone! His eye dilates with amazement! yet in a moment he intrudes his nose behind the mirror and the antagonist cat is vanished! And Tom ever after treats such semblances with the coolest indifference.
Not so Haw-Buck, who came into town to see the battle of Bunker Hill. His surprise was followed with indignation at the reckless chaps that handled fire-arms so carelessly. "Why darn 'em," as he took off his ram-beaver and saw a hole in its cylinder, "why darn 'em! if they hain't a firin bullits !"
The surprise of Woodville, in its consequences, was. analogous, not to that of pussy, but of Haw-Buck. The pupils generally heard the sentence with a look that said-"we allow the masters don't know what they are doing !"-while Crabstick and Thorntree left the room in manifest indignation! And then, in a few hours, the fama clamosa was conveyed to every man, woman and child in all Woodville; and in a few more, to every one in our whole settlement !
At first, our community was dumb! Yard-sticks were arrested in admeasurements ! Needles stood with thread in the eye! Wax- ends stuck in awl-holes! Planes, hammers, axes, saws, and other industrious implements ceased operating ! And our folks hurried forth to unite wonders! Every store became crowded ; and every bar-room and doggery! Knots of wise persons gathered at every corner ; and all places were full of winks, shrugs, elevated eye- brows, puckered mouths, and quivering noses!
It was soon rumoured that Thorntree, a foreign student, had hired a horse from Liebug, and in an uncontrollable fit of dudgeons gone home to his father, Major Thorntree. And then, if our regulators had, like the ass in one of his phases, been dumb, they now imitated him in another ; for no unanimous braying of a herd of donkeys could equal the hideous outcries of my townsmen !
My store was always a head quarters, for I was a leading trus-
CHAPTER LI.
Vox Populi !
"Look as I blow this feather from my face, And, as the air blows it to me again, Obeying with my wind when I do blow, And yielding to another when it blows, Commanded always by the quater gust ;
Such as the likeness of your common men !"
MAJOR THORNTREE having come a wearisome journey, from a love of justice and to promote the welfare of Woodville, (and so he always insisted)-our Board could but consent to a meeting ; especially when the Major expressed his fears that certain states- men 1 might unhappily influence the next Legislature to remove the College, unless the Faculty were better watched and governed. Beside, from the report of his son, who was a very honest boy and never said anything to a person's prejudice, and from what had been stated to himself since his arrival, by some worthy citizens of Woodville, the Major really believed,-(so he said)-that there had been gross mismanagement in general by the Faculty, and much shameless partiality, and at the expense of his son particu- larly. He thought, too, his son's punishment was for a very trivial offence, and had been rash, and perhaps, malicious ; at all events, it was excessive and arbitrary, aristocratic and unconstitutional; hence, such things must be crushed and resisted now, or there would be a speedy union of church and state.
We, therefore, met. And, first, were convassed and rejected many propositions suggested to us by different ones of our num- erous lobby-members. Among these proposals were some remark- able for boldness, simplicity and ingenuity ; such as "turn 'em rite out !"-"send 'em packin !"-"pay 'em and have done with 'em! -"don't pay 'em no how!"-"sue for damejis!" But it was finally determined by our honourable visitor, the Major, that we should summon the Faculty and hear their defence! Nay-he was even willing to have a trial; as he said witnesses were in attend-
1 The Major was himself a member of the Legislature; and hence had fair opportunities of knowing.
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ance from the citizens, and he thought it proper also to call on all the students for their opinion and testimony !
This was adopted, Mr. Carlton crying out in the negative; and so, likewise, would have done Dr. Sylvan; but unfortunately just at the time of our meeting, the Doctor was forced to go and mix medicines and then to visit a patient in a remote part of the county !
About the same time, Charles Clarence was employed in castle building ; or what was the same sort of architecture in the Pur- chase-in College building; being seated on "a cloud capt tower" of sublime and solemn view! But awaked by the braying dis- cord of Woodville, he started from his dream! and spite of all past experience he was momentarily amazed! He had caught a new glimpse of a many-headed monster! and its enormous tail ! He became sick at heart; and the warm blood of generous self- devotion in his heart congealed ! He seemed in a vacuum-as if all the air was blowing from around him! Yet, soon he recalled important truths, such as-"cease from man, whose breath is in his nostrils !"-"put not your trust in princes !"
And when the first bitterness of the soul was past, he remem- bered his Divine Master; who did good to the wicked and thank- less ! yea, to enemies! And he thought the very folly and ignor- ance and malice and idleness of a community, were the very things Christ's servants must strive to enlighten, remove, correct, instruct! Ashamed then of his momentary alarm, he recalled the noble saying of an ancient statesman and warrior, who builded a wall in troublesome times ; and he resolved to imitate, and like him, said,-"What ! shall such a man as I flee !" 2 -
Meanwhile, rumour had been tramping about with her crescit eundô; and, long before the Faculty received our Scytala, they had heard her cry-"The Board has told Major Thorntree, the Faculty shall be tried and turned right out, and shall be sued for damages done the school and the State, and-Woodville, by their uncon- stitutional, high-hand, big-buggish, aristocratic yankee notions !! "
The accused had nearly a mile to walk to the place of execu- tion; and along the path were strewed the sovereign people to .see "the fellers go along to git it!" Yet instead of beholding
2 Nehemiah 6: 11.
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"two fellers" sneaking along, like officeholders trembling about their bread and butter, they saw two gentlemen proceeding with a slow and somewhat studied gait, with heads erect, countenances serene, and not rarely illuminated with smiles of mingled pity and contempt, benevolence and indignation! Sneers, therefore, ready to curl on noses, and looks of vulgar triumph, with which oi wordou intended to greet their victims, were changed into remarks and looks of vexed admiration; for barbarians of all kinds pay in- voluntary honour to calm and fearless conduct in those destined to the torture. Indeed, the crowd to-day, was at a loss to say, whether the Faculty were going up town to be tried; or as lords and judges to give and interpret the laws.
On entering the court our gentlemen bowed, and then took sta- tions where such could be found; for all the stools, backless chairs, and even bedsides of Dr. Sylvan's room, where we had convened, were filled; and like all ultra fashionables at a jam some of us stood, till politeness, necessity, or whim in those seated and reclined, gave others a temporary seat.
A real calm ensued; we, of course, not knowing how to pro- ceed with our prisoners, as we were in the predicament of the Pro-consul, who felt the awkwardness of sending a state prisoner to Cæsar and without any good accusation. But Mr. Clarence himself kindly relieved our embarrassment by breaking the ice thus :-
"GENTLEMEN 3-We are here, though not as delinquents. We come, however, not merely willing, but even desirous that our whole official conduct may be subjected to the most rigorous and minute investigation. We are confident, if popular clamour be disregarded, and improper interference be disallowed, we are con- fident we can make the College; and, if it must be a reason for the aid or silence of some, we can make the town. We are ready then, to give ample and minute explanations to the Board; or an- swer any question of any of its members about our plans, rules, maxims-in short-our whole discipline; and are sure that the more-"
Here the Major and without rising broke in-"this is all very 3 Paul himself said, "Most noble Felix;" and so "genleman" is often a title of office.
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fair, Mr. Clarence, but the Board-(the Major was no member) . - think you have been hasty and partial; and I myself, think, as my son has been unjustly used, you ought to give some satisfaction-"
"I question your right, Major Thorntree," rejoined Clarence, to speak thus in the Board; but we waive our objection; and if it will satisfy you or the Board, we submit to what you may be pleased to call and consider a trial."
"Well, sir, will you allow the students to appear as witnesses?" "Willingly even-that! And yet I know not that such a request ought to surprise us more than all the proceedings. Yes, call in all the students-let them say what is true-we invite the truth."
Some one here asked if the boys should take an oath !!
"No, sir! no, sir! no!"-said Clarence-"by no means-every consideration is against it! No! let them speak on honour what . they know or even believe to be truth! And beside, we pledge our honour that we will never remember to their prejudice what- ever disparaging things may be said by them as witnesses."
A whisper of approbation began to buzz around our lobbies; which sussurration reaching the People without, was answered by a gentle "hurrah! for the Fakilty!" At this the Major was a leetle disconcerted. But as he had a little modesty that was natural. He, then, remarked :-
"You seem in good spirits, gentlemen,"-(Clarence and Har- wood)-"yet if I am allowed to bring in all the testimony, your confidence may be weaker. But how shall the boys give their testimony, sir?"
"I will tell you, sir," replied Clarence: "place a chair there :- now call in every body, without exception, and in any order deemed satisfactory-do not omit even the two suspended boys. Then, let the boy in the chair for the time, first tell an unin- terrupted story; then let the Major, or any member of the Board, ask any questions, leading or otherwise, that he may wish; and then let Professor Harwood and myself have the same privilege, and-"
"That's fair! if it ain't, bust my rifle!"-was heard from with- out, manifesting a change in favour of the right. And that, as was always the case, had a corresponding effect on matters within.
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Hence I ventured now on no injudicious interference. The Ma- jor, too, was evidently awed by this voice of his masters : and, per- haps, certain of our young folks were thus aided in speaking the truth, or at least not suppressing it. Whether Clarence designated to be so politic is not for me to say ;- but we lived in a log- rolling country-and even the best of men will manage in emer- gencies. Indeed, our Board and its Major, only wanted the vox populi: and Clarence only contrived to make their god speak-ass though it often be.
The students, introduced one by one into the chair, (with a few exceptions ), gave a united testimony in favour of the Faculty : and even young Crabstick said nothing against them, save that they ought not to have suspended him-and yet, as it was over, he said, he intended to return to school! The other sprout, Thorntree, re- fused to appear.
The Major, thus far disappointed, now proposed to call in the citizens as witness, as "wrong had been done by the Faculty! but that boys stood naturally in awe of their teachers !! and, therefore, they did not like to tell all they knew !!! "
Clarence then remarked :- "Had not our amazement all been used up, gentlemen, we should certainly be aghast at this !- but, be it so-let our fellow-citizens all come in ; and without an oath ! We know ten thousand idle rumours are afloat :- but, if every honest man will honourably and fearlessly, like a backwoodsman, state exactly, and neither more nor less than what he himself per- sonally has seen, heard, and knows about Mr. Harwood and my- self, in all our dealing and intercourse with them as citizens, as men, as teachers, as Christians-I say, call them in-call them in- we are ready -- "
(Outside.)
"Pick my flint-if I know any thing agin the fakiltymen arter all-"
"Nor me nuther-bust my rifle if I do !"
"Well-all I know, I heern Patchin's ole-womun a-sayin' she heerd say they was powerful ristocratty-"
"I'm sentimentally of opinyin, Ned, there ain't no use a-goin' in, if a feller doesn't know nothun of himself."
"Bust my rifle, if we're quite sich fools !"
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"Agreed-them's my sentiments !"
"Me too!"
This thunder on the proper side from the politicians' god, was operating to the immediate and honourable discharge of our prisoners ; and, perhaps, with an apology for the trouble caused them; when the Major announced one citizen as ready to state on his own knowledge, things adverse to the Faculty.
"Who is it, sir ?" demanded Clarence.
"Mendax Liebug."
"Mr. Liebug! and does Major Thorntree ask this honourable . Board to believe without an oath, a person not admissible in yonder court-house as a witness even with an oath? No Atheist shall ever testify semi-judicially either for or against me: and I trust, gentlemen, this will not be permitted-but, if otherwise, be the consequences what they may, the instant Mr. Liebug enters that door as a witness, I take my departure out of this."
Several members of the Board expressed approbation of Clarence's sentiments : and the people, led by the Hoosier that swore by his rifle, all allowed "it would be most powerful onfair to ask folks to believe anybody without swearin,' who couldn't take a legal affidavy." And Mr. Mendax Liebug was not admitted.
As a last attempt to demolish the Faculty, the Major said he would rest the whole on one question and answer, if Mr. Clarence was willing.
"I am willing, sir,"-said Clarence,-"proceed."
The people crowded to hear, won by our Principal's candour and readiness-two things all potent with genuine woodsmen :- and then the Major, with a triumphant flourish, went on :-
"Mr: Clarence, you are a preacher; and the Bible directs us to do to others as we would be done by :- well, sir, recall your boyish days, and put yourself in my son's place ; and, how would you have acted, in view of what you deemed small laws, and how would you have regarded a Faculty, that had acted as you have just acted towards my son ?"
"Why, sir," said Clarence, in reply, "I should have acted just as thoughtlessly as your son has acted, and as most young men every where occasionally act :- I should, then, probably have broken the laws and abused a Faculty ; and, of course, merited and
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received what your son merited and received-discipline. Thus I thought and should have done when 'a child ;' but having become a man, I have put away childish things, and have dealt with your son now, as men ought to have dealt with me then."
"Hah ! haw !- perttee powerful smart feller! if that ain't a fair answer, bust my rifle! Come, boys, let's be off-I allow Clarinse and 'tother fakilty-man kin manudge collige better nor us. Who's goin' squirrillin'-no use wastin' time here no longer no how!"
And so away went the people; and away went the Trustees; and away went the Faculty. But the Major and they first shook hands, in sign of forgiveness and amity: yet young Thorntree was not sent back to school, and the Major was ever more sus- pected as an enemy, than loved as a friend.
The next day, honest Rifle-bust walked into my store, and began as follows :-
"Well-bust my rifle, Carltin, if I wa'rn't most teetotally and sentimentally wrong 'bout that fakilty thing. Here, I've brung a dozen squirl for your ole-woman-and I want the worth on 'em in lead. I'll not settle our whole 'count now-but next week I'll get that hoss-beast for you, and in sang time I'll likkefy all --- "
"Oh! no odds, Ned! I didn't fear an honest man :- only use your own eyes and ears, and you'll do people justice-here's your lead. Now just step in and see Mrs. Carlton, and she'll play you a tune."
Accordingly, in went Ned; and directly up struck the piano- not with any of your new-fangled fandangos, but with those primitive movements-"Polly put the Kettle on"-and-"Go to the D ---- and shake yourself," and so forth : and soon could be plainly heard Ned kicking to pieces my rag carpet, in what he called a dance; and then Mrs. Carlton's merry laugh, as Ned gave a vernacular version of "the rumpus 'tween Clarinse and the Major and t'other fakilty-man," and ended with his "sentimentul opinyin that the Majur was most teetotally discumfiisticutted, and near about as good as chaw'd up."
Our Board, after this disturbance, met and enacted a code of laws for the guidance of the Faculty, and ordained, among other matters, that for a first offence, should be private admonition : for the second, public admonition and for the third, suspension !
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This beautiful gradation had been mentioned in some venerable old woman's Prize Essay on Education; and was supposed to embody the quintescence of all experience in the art of govern- ment. It was not, indeed, stated whether the same offence was to be committed three times; or three different offences; or if the same must be done by three different pupils in succession, or by one three times, to secure the benefits of suspension. Nor was any thing said about the age, the understanding, the knowledge, the temptations, the aggravations of an offender and offence. And no notice was taken of looks, words, gestures, &c. &c .- any or all of which often accompany one offence, and make it equal to three -ay, to three times three !
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