USA > Indiana > Monroe County > The new purchase : or, seven and a half years in the Far West > Part 16
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But the Rev. D. Menniwater's call for drink, was the signal that the matrimonial meeting was out; and the kissing of the bride was set going by the ladies of Glenville, who, (for mere example's sake, however,) were followed by the gentlemen of Glenville. And two of these gentlemen, I think, extended their salutation to the bridesmaid, which was so encouraging to the groomsman, and other shy chaps, that they with one consent be- gan to salute the brides that were to be : so that affairs were soon as completely uproarious and screechery as in a fashionable, high- bred evening party, with one good piano and some three dozen vocalists, professors and amateurs of singing and talking. At last the girls put out, followed by the beaux, and none were left in the room but we old folks, (married people,) and the young couple.
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And then came on all the old. racy and original jokes and sayings on such occasions, with some new ones in regard to the "man and woman," made by Mr. M .; whose inveterate habit of "old manning," &c. had forced him to substitute man and woman for husband and wife, in concluding the ceremony. One very smart neighbour body so persisted in calling the whole no ceremony at all, that poor Susan was half persuaded she was hardly married ; and had we of Glenville fomented the affair, and Mr. Hilsbury been present, Susan, I do think, would have had the marriage ceremony over again.
It was now noon, and dinner-the grand affair-was not to be till near 3 o'clock P. M .- although every body, man, woman, boy, girl, help, domestic, hired and volunteer, hands and legs, were all ferment in hastening this catastrophe of our drama: and truly drama it was, if action and motion pertain to its essence. Here a boy was ferociously cutting wood-there one toting wood: here a man and two women getting a fire in full blast out of doors- - there two men and one girl blowing up one within: and then rushed by a whirlwind of petticoats, with one featherless turkey, or two featherless hens, affectionately hugged along to dutch ovens and skillets! Some carried and fixed tables, pushing and kicking and jamming at them till they consented to stay fixed, and not to coggle! Some fixed rattling plates, clattering knives, and ringing bowls on stout table covers; which were at the same moment jerked by others, till they "came a sorter strate!" And there was Mr. Ashford, Jun. with his rifle, decapitating extra fowls, the company proving much larger than had been expected ! For on these hearty and solemn occasions every body is wel- come, who comes as an umbra to a neighbour, or acts as his own shadow and shade; and every body is stuffed with as much as he will hold; so that all sorts of feathered creatures suffer for the wedding dinner, and in great numbers, it being long before a wholesome backwoodsman ever cries, "Ohe! jam satis!" about the same as the classic reader knows as crying out, "Well! I've a belly full !"
The whole clearing evidently enjoyed a saturnalia. Wagons and carts and sleds rested from rolling and screeching; gears of leather and gears of elm-bark hung crooked and unstretched on
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fences and projections of cabin outhouses ; and ploughs lay peace- ful, with polished shares gleaming in sunshine. The animals manifestly enjoyed the affair ; hens of maternal character clucked mid late broods, and some wallowed in dust ; geese hissed; ducks quacked; and dogs in all quarters, ran, barked, and wagged their very tails for gladness; while shaggy horses peeped in wonder over bars, or hung tenderly about the barn and corn cribs.
Adjacent the house was a yard; and this being swept daily with wooden brooms and tramped, had become denuded of grass, and hard and clean as a puncheon floor. Here 3 we now walked, ran, jumped, joked, told tales, made brags and belts-tickled folk's ears with timothy heads-quizzed chaps about marrying-chased girls going to the spring for water, or to the milk house, and ever so many funny things besides. And, what was wonderful! the girls went every five minutes to the spring or milk house; and came, too, through the front yard, when, if they had thought, the way out of the back door was much shorter and more direct! And then such a sprinkling of water from little calabashes and tin cups and ox horns! And such a hanging of dish-cloths and milk-strainers on the "yaller buttins" of the hinder man! And the laughing !- and the rifle-shooting !- in a word, we, (author now included,) were most decidedly, and most vulgarly happy, joyous, and chock full of fun and frolic.
Of course all this was too much for Old Dick to stand and look at all day: hence, contriving to ease off his bridle and then to work over the fence, or may be under it, there, sure enough, in the midst of our sacred enclosure, suddenly stood his impu- dence, and as if we were his "feller critturs." He was no stranger, however, to the company, and his self-introduction was hailed with more than three cheers ; it being well known he would contribute his share to the entertainment. Accordingly, like a favourite dog, he was fed with bits of bread, both corn and wheat, and with slices of fat pork and pieces of fresh beef ; which latter he would only chew awhile, like tobacco, and then eject. He was then smoothed and slapped and called names- then pulled by the tail-pinched on the ears-made to grin-and- then jumped on and jumped over ; till at last girls were packed and
3 We, here belongs to the company, not the author.
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stowed upon him, and nothing was visible of the favourite but four horse-legs, moving under frocks, and a tail wagging and flourishing happily among chinz and morrocco-the whole a most grotesque feminine centaur ! But when we packed the fellow with men and boys, he would either shake or bite them off ; and if these failed he would suddenly lie down, and then the compound rollings were uncommonly entertaining.
Three chaps now mounted Dick, and fully resolved to make him ford the creek, here about ten yards wide and some feet deep. By dint of coaxing and kicking and pulling and pushing, by the riders and the company, Dick was got into the water, when he splashed on voluntarily to the middle-but farther than that, not an inch. No-there he halted, and stood fixed as a river- horse that had grown up on the spot! And vain all entreaties, cuffings, kickings ! vain all combined hallooings! vain all pelting with clods and stones-all latherings with long bean poles !- he was wholly unbudgable! At last, however, he did move; and so did his riders, who hastily slipped off into water more than knee deep, preferring that to the roll in the creek-Dick having exhibited the premonitory symptom of performing that ceremony ; and then they, amid no small uproar of laughter from the whole assembled "weddeners," waded to the bank. "But Dick, what did he?" Ay, sure enough-why he speedily betook himself to the farther side, where he wandered about and eat twigs and bushes, till he was caught for our return. Reader, was all this instinct or reason ?
After this we told adventures. Among others, one hard feat- ured old worthy gave the following account about his "old womin's tarrifying a barr," angelicé, terrifying a bear.
"When we was fust settled"-said he-"down on Higginsis bottim, there was no mills in these parts and so we pack'd all our bread stuffs from out thare at Wool'll about once a month or thare-abouts, me going one day and coming back agin next day and my ole womin a stayin in the cabin till I gits back. The In- jins was mostly gone, but straglin ones kept comin on and off, but tho' they was harmless like, folks was a little dubus and didn't want thare company ; and my ole womin she always shot the door at night, and a sort a draw'd the bedstid agin it. Well,
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so one night I was away for meal and she bethought as how she'd render off her fat; and so she ons with the grate pot-that one you're old womin neighbour Ashford borrered last year to bile sugar in-and she puts in her fat and begins a heatin it; when what does she hear all at once on a sudden but a powerful trampin round the cabin! "Maybe," says she to herself, "its some poor Injin wants in"-when all at once the trampin stopt and somethin begins a scratchin up outside the chimbly, and she spies through a crack, and if it want a powerful barr that was arter the fat! 'And she know'd the varmint wasn't going to rest till he klim down the inside of the chimbly; and then she'd have to put out and maybe lose all her fat! Well, my ole womin was to be sure, a leetle skur'd-but she did'nt lose her presentiment of mind-she only let the fellow back down as near as was con- venient-and then she jerks a handful of dry grass out of our tick, and set fire to the whole on the fat! "And she says, 'twas most powerful laffy to hear the barr go up chimbly agin-and how he was still heern a growlin and makin tracts for the timbers! And that's the way she tarrifyed the barr and a sort of a scorched his brichis."
"That makes me, grandaddy," said a young Hecules-"think how near I was to bein skur'd last week, with a wild cat over on Acorn Ridge. I was out huntin turkey, but had no luck, and didn't see the fust one till I comes toward's Inglissis-and there I heerd a feller goblin. So I crawls into the brush near a beech and begins a goblin, and he begins a anserrin and a comin up -- but jist then I hears somethin a nuther in the beech above-but I was afeard to move my head lest the turkey ketch sight of me -and so I gives another gobble, and then hears him a coming up rite smart, and I was only waitin to git sight of him-when what should I hear but a sudden shakin rite over my head- and so I looks out of the tail of my eye so-(turning his eye for illustration)-and I'll be dogg'd if thare warn't a wild cat jist goin to spring, as I'd gobled him up like a gineine cock myself. So, you see I give up the turkey and killed the varmint-and that's his skin, grandaddy, you see tother day at our house."
This reminded Uncle John of an adventure of his own some- what similar, and he went on thus :
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"One day when hunting in Georgia I got into a pine thicket, where I sat down on a log to rest. Happening to look in a cer- tain direction-for nothing of the sort was expected-I saw a fine buck coming slowly towards the thicket, either not seeing me or to reconnoitre. I had put off my shoes to cool my feet, but now without thinking about it, I rose to my feet ready to fire as soon as the deer should be near enough: but as I stood about this way-(way exhibited, the legs apart)-I felt some- thing very cold glide upon one of my bare feet, and on glancing my eye that way, what was it but a rattlesnake crawling from un- der the log across my foot! I had providentially presence of mind to remain immovable as a rock-till the snake had actually crawled his whole length over my foot; and when fairly beyond I suddenly jumped away, and then killed him :- but of course I lost my buck."
"Brother John"-said uncle Tommy-"that makes me think of my being lost twenty years ago-but dinner, I reckon, is most ready-"
"Oh! no, uncle Tommy"-said Mr. Ashford-"we've time for that 'venture of yours."
This was enough for Uncle Leatherstocking; for no man so delighted in telling adventures. Indeed, few men ever en- countered more; and still fewer could orally relate them so well. He was not an educated man, or even a good English scholar ; still he had read much and conversed much with intel- ligent persons : and so he was fluent in natural English, and could aptly coin words and pronunciations to suit new ideas and cir- cumstances. I shall try and preserve his manner and spirit : but to enjoy his stories, one should sit in his lonely cabin of a winter's night away in the howling wilderness, and see his countenance and action, and hear his tones.
"Prehaps"-said uncle Tommy-"you know my wife's father had considerable land on the Blue Fox River in Ohio ; so as we two wanted a leetle more elbow room, I says one day to Nancy,"Nancy," says I, "I dad 'spose we put out and live there. Game's mighty plenty there, and there's fine water and plenty a fish, and plenty a wood; and we kin lay in stores enough at Squattertown to last more nor six months on a streech." 'And sure enough, as I'm
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a livin man, off we sets and puts up a cabin in the centre of the track, and that give us room for the present : for the nearest white settlement warnt nearer nor four mile, and Squattertown, the county seat, was nigh on to twelve mile off. The Ingins, poor critturs, kim a huntin over our track, albeit, there was no reglar town of theirn nearer nor twenty miles: but they never did us harm-no, not a hait-(little bit)-and Nancy got so used to their red skins that she never minded them. There's bad Ingins that will steal and maybe massurkree: but most when they find a rale sinserity-hearted white, would a blame sight sooner scalp themselves than him. And I do believe me and Nancy was beliked by them : and many's the ven'sin and turkey they fotch'd as a sort of pres- ent, and maybe a kind of pay for breadstuffs and salt Nancy used to give them. Sartin, indeed, a white would now and then be killed: but when all the circumstansis was illustrated, it was ginerally found the white was agressur, and was kotch'd doing something agin their laws-and me and Nancy had a secret con- science that the white deserved his fate :- and sometimes I felt like takin sides with the red skins myself, and shootin down the whiskey devils that made them drunk-but I'll not enter on that now.
"Well, I hunted and fish'd, about whole days, the livelong blessed day, while Nancy she'd stay alone a readin Scott's Family Bible: so that she got three times right spang through it, from kiver to kiver-the whole three volumes, notes, practical ob- servations, marginal references, and all! And, I dad, if she didn't read clean through all our church histories, Milnursis, and Mush-heemisis, and history of the Baptisis and Methodisis, and never so many more books besides, for we always toted our books wherever we went. And when I fished I used to larn sarmins by heart out of Christmas Evans, and president Davy's and Mr. Walker's and that was a kind of help in preachin."
Uncle Tommy usually made the dead speak when he preached, and sometimes he would echo Bishop Shrub and Bishop Hilsbury, and other living apostles. And in this he acted wisely, not being competent to the concoction of his own sermons; and besides, when fully excited he could do Christmas Evans' celebrated al- manac sermon nearly as well as Christmas himself : thence among
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the "Baptistis," as he always called them, Uncle Tommy was greatly venerated, and was heaped up with titles like an English Bishop, being styled: "a mighty smart and most powerful big preacher !" Let not Uncle Tommy's pulpit preparation be de- spised; even "high larned sheepskins," it is said, do sometimes lay both the living and the dead under heavy contribution, and that, too, when not endowed with our buck-eye-preacher's pathos and unction. We, indeed, of Glenville, always preferred that uncle Tommy should represent Davies and Walker-and even Evans-and not to give his own. But to the story ;
"Well"-continued he-"one morning early in December, I says to Nancy, "Nancy, I dad, says I, I do believe I'll jist take old Bet-(a rifle)-as we are out of meat, and go where I seen the turkeys roosting last night: you mind the morning, Nancy, my dear, don't you ?"
"Bless you, Tommy Seymour, I'll never forget it-I was near losing you then, Tommy."
"Well, Nancy, I'll go on with the story."
This was one of the interlocutories that always varied and interrupted Uncle Tommy's narratives, and nothing could excel the intense interest that most affectionate and devoted wife- (wife and child to him)-took in the stories, though heard the hundredth time. But uncle Tommy went on :-
"And so I slips out of bed-it wasn't day quite-and slips on my clothes, and fixes my old gun by the fire and then opens the door to set out, when I dissarned a leetle sprinkle of snow and a likelihood for a snow storm. Howsomever, this did'nt faze me, only I steps back for my old camlit cloak-little thinking, as I fixed it on, how I'd need the thing afore I'd git back agin.
"Well, I starts for where I'd seen the turkeys, and gitting near, sneaked round a bit, but soon found the critturs had been too quick, and like Paddy's flea, wasn't there. I heerd them, how- somever, fly, and so on I kept creeping slowly along till I'd got from home, mayhap, a matter of two miles; but the snow was so thick in the air that I never could dissarn the birds, and away they kept going flurry-wurry about seventy yards a head-till I give up the hunt and turn'd to go home for fear Nancy might be waiting breakfast-"
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"Yes, Tommy Seymour, I did wait breakfast for you-"
"Never mind, Nancy, my dear child, I got back at last you know"-replied uncle Tommy, and continued-"Well, I turn'd to go back, but I dad if I could jist exactly tell where I was precise- ly, the snow had so teetolly kivered my tracks, and it was now snowing so bodaciously fast as to kiver as fast as I made them. but I took a sharp look at the timber, and fixing on a course, I kept my line for near two mile-yet, I dad, if I could strike the cabin and couldn't tell whether it was too high or too low; and so up I went a short quarter, and down a short quarter, as near as could be guessed circumlocating for three hours, but no cabin was to be seen. , Well, says I, I dad, if I aint about as good as lost ; and so sits down in a tree top to reconsiderate, and take a fresh start-but soon starts up and hallows like the ole Harry- but nothing gives no answer and all was snow !- snow !- snow! not a smite of noise, only my breathing and a sort of pittinpattin sound of my heart! I found it wouldn't do to stand still as the scarces begin to crawl in a leetle, and so off I sets at a venture; for the cabin must be, says I, somewhere near; and sometimes I conceited it to be ahead of me, but all at once it vanished, and I seed it was only a case of fantis-magery-and that I, Tommy Seymour, was actially lost -"
"Yes! Tommy, and I couldn't give you any help!"
"Nancy! child, I wouldn't a had you there for the universal world."
"Well,"-resumed he,-"there I was teetotally lost! I couldn't stay still-yet what use to walk on? And if I fired my gun, and Nancy heerd it, and I didn't git back, mayhap she'd think the Injins had killed me, and then she'd come out and git lost too! -and with that idea, thinks I, may be she's out now !- and then I gits bodaciously sker'd and hollows agin like the very ole Harry! - and walks and runs this way and that way-the snow blinding my eyes-but all was of no use-I was lost! lost! lost! But it was only about Nancy here, I thought at this time ;- and I dad, if I din't ketch myself a crying like a child,-and wished to be lost by myself without her coming out in such a storm !- (We here stole a look at Aunt Nancy-I could not catch her eye as she had her work-bag over her face: but "I dad," as uncle Tommy used
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to say, if we didn't feel a leetle tender ourselves. 'And so, gen- erous reader, would you have felt, hearing the tremulous thrill of the venerable old man's voice and seeing his eye affectionately turned towards that dear old lady that for so many years had shared his wanderings and sorrows.)-"Well, I must 'a become crazy, running round and hollowing and crying-and all of no use-when all at once it quit snowing, and I was sperited up, hoping the sun would shine out next, and I could take a course for Squattertown or the Injin settlement. But it kept dark and cloudy and I begins to feel weak from fatigue and hunger- (albeit I war'nt sker'd on that pint, as I had old Bet along)- and so allowing it was about one o'clock, I determined to strike the Blue Fox, and keep down stream to the settlement on its bank thirty miles down. Well, off I sets to strike the river, and in about four miles comes to a little pond with a couple of ducks swimming about. I stopp'd in my tracks-knock'd out damp primin-puts in fresh-and slams away and kills one duck; and the other flies away. And I gits the duck to land by pitching sticks in, but not wanting to lose time, I kept on going; and so picked off the feathers and sucked a little of it raw, till it 'most made me sick, and I thought it would be better to keep and cool it at night-which was now coming on black as thunder. Well, it was time to look out for a camp; and just about dark I come across a tree what had been twisted off by a harrikin, and was lodged to the butt ind on the stump; and the top on the ground was puttee much of a dry brush heap. For all the world! there never was sich a place !- Providence seemed to have blow'd it down jist for me! I could have camp'd there a week! And so we brushes away the snow and makes a fire in the top! and near the stump under the trunk, makes a comfortable bed out of chunks and brush wood: and then I goes to the fire and sits down to cook my duck.
"But, I dad, if I could help thinking about our cabin and every time I think of Nancy !- I -; but I know'd there was a divine Providence and a heavenly Father-and so I prayed, and then eat one half of my duck, keeping the other; as game was mighty skerse and no human beings was in that direction till I struck the Blue Fox. And then, making a little fire near my bed
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for my feet, and kivering my powder-horn with a handkerchief to put under my head for fear of damp and sparks, I raps up in the ole-camlit, and laid down, and was soon fast asleep.
"Well, after a while I gits to dreaming I was lost in a prararee, and that the grass had tuck fire, and that I was a kind of suf- focated and scorch'd ;- and I dreamed I heerd the awful roaring of flames, and seen a burning whirlwind coming towards me, and that so sker'd me that I woke right up-and, I dad! as I'm a livin man! if the woods all around me wasn't as light as day ! And my tree was all a living blaze and burning splinters was tumblin on my ole camlit -ay ! and my cotton handkerchief round my powder-horn was jist beginning to smoke and scorch !- I dad ! my friends and bruthrin"-(Here, Uncle T. insensibly glided into his preaching tone and manner)-"but this was a most mur- rakulous dream !! and show'd the nature of Providence and his care-or I'd 'a soon been burnt to death or blow'd up! And I didn't sleep no more-but kneeled down and thank'd God for the deliverance; and then kept sitting near the fire till day, and then I once more started for the river.
"Howsomever, to make a long story short, I walked on and on the live-long blessed day, and never heerd or seen a living crittur; and I never came to any river-but at night I comes to a log that had been chopp'd off and this give me courage. And so I makes a fire, and eats now the other half of my duck-for I was somehow sartain I'd find a settlement in the morning. Well, I slept the second night along side this log, and by daybreak I jumps up and feels something a kind of moving in my old camlit -and, I dad! if it wasn't a snake what the fire had smoked out of the log and what had crept into me to be warm! But I only shook out the reptile and never killed him, thinking only of some settlemint-(Although it was the snake, brother John told about, that made me think of my adventure)-for the sarcumstance of the chopp'd log satisfied me, some was near, as it was no tommy- hawk cut, but was done with a white man's axe. Well, I starts off puttee considerable peert and brisk, considerin I was weak, and, all at once, as I'm a livin man, if I didn't hear a bark! And so I stops and listens-and there was another-and another- and I was sartain it wasn't no fox or wolf but a dog-and then,
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I dad! if I didn't streak off that way like greased lightnin !- and begun and holler'd and fired !- and the dog bark'd louder and louder, and kept on coming nearer and nearer! and I a running and hollerin till all at once right in sight of me was-a human cabin !! If I live a thousand years,-(and none of us, my bruthren will live half that long,)-I'll never forget that moment -and if ever I thank'd God with a rale sinserity-heart, 'twas then. But while I was reconsidering whose settlemint it was, for things looked a kind of familiar, the dog what had kept on barkin, now bust out of the bushes, a yelpin and a prancin around me !- and why do you think ?- because the poor feller had found his lost master-and it was Nancy's little dog Ruff! And would you believe it ?- my eyes was suddenly opened and like a pro- phit's, and I found I was on my own trampin ground, and the cabin was ours !- and there stood my dear child Nancy, a lookin our way out of the cabin door! I dad! if I didn't snatch up Ruff and kiss him !- and the poor little crittur-(he's dead now) -lick'd my face with his tongue -and in that way I run over to Nancy."-(Here the emotion of the old man and the agitation of his wife made a momentary pause-it was, indeed, as solemn as church.)-"Well, after all was explained and illusterated, we kneel'd down and thank'd God: and then Nancy, she told how she thought I was killed and then maybe only lost, till she was jist goin to start for the next settlemint; and if I'd a come ten minits later, she'd been off after help!
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