USA > Indiana > Monroe County > The new purchase : or, seven and a half years in the Far West > Part 47
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It seems quite tragic that such pleasing anticipations and such earnest and loyal purposes should find an outcome in the personal friction antagonisms and disappointments that followed.
2 See Judge D. D. Banta's History of the University, Alumni Quarterly Vol. II., No. 2, p. 160.
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"I must, Harwood: external enemies and mistaken men, I could and can resist, and face ;- but this domestic traitor-'
"Perhaps, after all, it is not he."
"Perhaps so; yet, I cannot endure the suspicion. And, suppose he learns or guesses our suspicion-mutual confidence can never be again after that. No. I am now awake: and let me say, dear Harwood, that that man has some plan for you when he is rid of me."
"Oh! you are too much alarmed-he cannot be mediating that ; -we shall be too strong for him-"
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"Depend on it, I am right. What we have heard of his char- acter is true : and he that has, by indirect means, gained victories over ecclesiastical courts, will, by the same, gain them over us. I must and will resign."
"At least, see the Doctor first."
"I will-but I know the result :- it will end in my resignation, and in your final overthrow."
Clarence accordingly, taking the letter, waited on the President, who, meeting him at the door of his dwelling, did himself thus begin :-
"You received an anonymous letter, Mr. Clarence, I hear?"- (Who told him?)
"Yes, sir; and I have come to you for advice."
"Let us walk up the lane. Have you the letter with you?" "Here it is."
The letter was taken by the President, but not read all carefully and indignantly over, as by the others! And yet, at a glance, he learned all its items, and that so well, as to talk and comment on them! But still, after what he designed should pass for a search- ing scrutiny, in a moment he exclaimed,- "I know the hand writ- ing-it is Smith's!"
"How you relieve me, Doctor Bloduplex," said Clarence; "Harwood was right to prevent me from sending in my resignation,-I shall continue-"
"Mr. Clarence," replied the President, "Smith, I know, is your bitter enemy ; and I am told you have many more, and especially among the young gentlemen that came with me: now, this letter shows a state of great unpopularity, and I do candidly advise, all things considered, that you had better resign !! "
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"Doctor, pardon me, my first belief is returned-I know the author of this letter, and it is not Smith."
"Who then, sir?"
"Come with me, Dr. Bloduplex and I will satisfy you in my study."
"I cannot now, sir, but will call in the course of the day."
After a while the President called, when Clarence, conducting him into the study, said :
"Dr. Bloduplex, from my inmost soul I do hope you may remove my suspicion,-but I much fear that you yourself are the author of this letter !"
"I !- the author! how could you ever entertain so unjust a suspicion !"
"God grant, sir, it be unjust-but I will give you the grounds of my suspicion."
"Name them, sir,-I am curious and patient."
Here Clarence went over all that the reader has been told, but to a much wider extent, and with many arguments and inferences not now narrated; and then spread out the Doctor's own letters, to be compared with the anonymous one. Upon which the Doc- tor said :
"Well, Mr. Clarence, there is no resemblance between them, or but very little."
"But is there not some? Has not the writer tried to imitate your hand-your style-your very grammatical peculiarities ?"
"It does, maybe, seem a little so-"
"It does, indeed, Doctor Bloduplex; and now look here !- the seal is stamped with the key of your desk !"
Here the President coloured; of course in virtuous indignation and surprise at such roguery, and in some little confusion exclaimed :-
"The wicked dogs! they have stolen the key of my desk !"
Clarence was here affected to tears; that one the other day almost loved and trusted as a father could be by him no longer so regarded. Ay, hoping against hope that the man could not be so fallen from high honour, and looking towards him with streaming eyes, he said :
"Only assure me, Doctor, on your word of honour and as a
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Christian that you did not do this base action, and even now will I burn this letter in this very fire-(it was a cold day)-before your face."
"Mr. Clarence," said he "I solemnly declare I did not write the letter ; but stay, do not burn it-let me have it and I will try and find the writer."
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The worthy President then carried away the letter and retained it three days in his surtout pocket; after which he returned the paper-but alas! the friction of the pocket, or something else, had so worn away the seal that the impression of the desk-key was no longer visible!
Of course, then, the letter was not written by the Reverend Constant Bloduplex, d. d .- for he had the best right to know; and he said, solemnly, that it was not. Yet Clarence, "all things considered," did that very week send his resignation to Dr. Syl- van; offering, however, to remain till the meeting of the Board. At that the Board offered him nearly double salary to remain some months longer till a suitable successor could be found; to which proposal Clarence acceded. When that gentleman leaves the stage, our history, dear reader, is concluded.
Meanwhile pass we to the next chapter and refresh ourselves with the Guzzleton Barbecue.
CHAPTER LXIII.
"I'll give thrice so much land To any well-deserving friend: But in the way of bargain, mark ye me, I'll cavil on the ninth part of a hair." * * * ¥ *
"Now, my co-mates, and brothers in exile, Hath not old custom made this life more sweet Than that of painted pomp?"
BEFORE his marriage, John Glenville had located on the river ; where, being part owner of a tract of land, it was determined to make the village of Guzzleton. And of all places in the world this was a-place. It abounded in wood and water,
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and was convenient to the river, or-could be so; the county road went within half a mile, and if desired would, no doubt, come right through the town; and there might be rail-roads and canals across it, in every direction. Nay, all the advantages of Paperville itself would in time concentrate in Guzzleton! Yea, it would eclipse Woodville! Ay, and if some folks did not look sharp, the Legislature would remove to Guzzleton the State Col- lege, or at least create there a branch College!
Hence, in the tremendous excitement, lots at the first sale, were bid off at fine prices, to be paid afterwards; and then the settlers began to pour in and build! But after Glenville's own dwelling and store-house, Tom Beecher's tannery, and two cabins, one for a cobbler and the other for a tailor, had been erected, the rage for improvement ceased; and as yet the place was only Little Guzzleton !
The Patroons, however, thought if a Fourth of July could be got up and the place become a centre for stump-speeching, elec- tioneering, horse-jockeying and other democratical excellences, a fresh start would be given in its growth, and the town become Great Guzzleton. Hence this summer, on the Fourth, was to be there a grand Barbecue, with the reading of the Declaration of Independence, and great speeches from Robert Carlton of Wood- ville, and other fellow-citizens!
On the third of July, Harwood and myself went over to indulge in a prefatory "cut up" with Glenville, and to witness the arrange- ments for the Barbecue. And as such an affair may be novel to some, we shall confine ourselves to that ; taking for granted most have once or twice heard the Declaration and also the patriotic orations of the season.
The spot for the Barbecue was an enchanting plateau below the cliff on which Guzzleton stood, and yet sufficiently above the river, to be considered table land. It was about one hundred yards long by fifty yards wide, and covered with fine and luxuriant grass, usually cropped by cows and horses, but now smoothly and evenly mown with scythes. The hackberry, the buckeye, the sycamore, and other trees, less abundant than elsewhere, were, yet, plentiful enough for ornament and shade; and this had led to the selection.
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Near the centre of this sylvan saloon was the table. This was eminent for strength more than elegance; but still for the place, the occasion, and the company, was the very table. Cabinet work would have sorted poorly with the wildness. The table was one hundred and fifty feet long; and consisted of two-inch planks in double layers, resting every ten feet on horizontal pieces of sap- lings; which in turn were supported by strong forked saplings planted several feet in the earth. Neither nail of iron, nor peg of wood, confined the planks-they reposed by their own gravity. Yet an unphilosophical arrangement of fixins, or an undue resting of plebian arms and elbows did, now and then, disturb the gravity of the table in places ; and that disturbing the gravy upset also the gravity of the company-specially the ungreased portion.
Seats differed from the table in being lower and not so wide. They ran pretty near parallel with its sides; and were low enough, that our mouths be as near the food as possible-so that if the legs were judiciously disposed under the table, and the head properly inclined above, the contents of one's plate could be shovelled into the masticating aperture with amazing dexterity and grace.
On each side of the table, ten feet distant and at intervals of five feet, were planted in the earth small trees. with all their green and branching tops; and these tops, forced together and tied with bark-twines over the table, formed a romantic arcade seemingly of living trees evoked by the wand of enchantment to adorn and shade !
Far as possible from the arcade, was the place of the Barbecue Proper. And that was a truly gigantic affair! It was no con- temptible smoke-jack, steam-spit, rotary-stove contraption to cook a morsel of meat and a half peck of potatoes with an apron of chips ! or two hands full of saw-dust ! or a quart of charcoal! It contemplated no fricasee for two or three guests beside the family ! No! no! it was to do whole pigs! whole sheep! whole calves! whole turkeys ! whole chickens ! and for a whole settlement-and all other settlements invited as guests!
A trench was cut in the ground some twenty feet long, four wide and three deep! And that trench was full of logs lying on brushwood, all to be set on fire that night, that a mine of living
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coals be ready for the mornin's cookery! On the Fourth, about day-light, fresh logs and brush were added; and thus in due time this whole kitchen was a glowing and burning mass !
Strips of nice white hickory were, at cooking time, laid at in- tervals across the fiery trench; their ends resting on stones or green logs along the edges of the range, and thus constituting a clean, simple, and most gigantic wooden grid-iron. And then the beasts and birds, properly cleaned, skewered, peppered, salted and so on, were all and at once, spread out whole over the mammoth hickory iron; each creature being divided longitudinally on its bosom side! And each was kept spread out by hickory pieces or stretchers, and seasonably turned by two men, on opposite sides, with long hickory forks and pokers! Never such a cooking! It seemed as all the edible creatures of the Purchase had taken an odd fit to come and be barbecued for the mere fun of it!
Nor was this wholesale barbecuing deemed sufficient! During the evening of the third, and early on the fourth, backwoods- women were hourly arriving with boiled hams, loaves of wheat, pones, pies, tarts, sorrel-pies, Irish potato-pies-and things un- known to fashionable gourmands and confectioners ;- also, meal in bags, and baskets, till provisions were piled in kitchen, and arbours, and carts like-oh ! like-everything !
Our Fourth was ushered by the roar of Hoosier artillery-log- guns done by boring solid trunks with a two-inch auger. These filled with powder, and stopped with a wooden plug, were fired by means of an enormous squib, or slow match ; and made a very reasonable noise considering they could rarely be fired more than once, being wonderfully addicted to bursting! The day itself was bright and cloudless; and during the greatest heat we were so sheltered under the grand old trees, and our enchanted arcade, as not to be oppressed; while the river flowed below, its waters now smooth and deep, now leaping and rustling over shoals, and now whirling in eddies around the trunks of fallen trees ! its pure white sands looking like granulated snows-till the very sight was refreshing !
At last, three beech-cannon, our signal guns, were fired and burst ; when the procession was formed on the cliff and in the very centre of Guzzleton-in posse; and this-(the procession, not
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the posse)-consisted, not only of menbodies, but of women- bodies also; since true woodsmen wish their ladies to share in all that is pleasant and patriotic. Then headed by a drum and fife, aided by the triangle already celebrated, and with as many flags flying as were pocket-handkerchiefs to spread out and wave on poles, we took up the line of march; we, the leading citizens, who were to read and speak; and then the common and uncom- mon citizens; and then certain independent ladies: and then young ladies with escorts ; and then the boys; and then finally the rabble. After showing ourselves in the woods and bushes along the future streets of Great Guzzleton, and passing the store, and the tannery, and the two cabins, we descended the cliff and marched to the speaker's scaffold to the tune of Yankee Doodle- or something tolerably like it; although to-day the drum beat the other instruments hollow!
The literary feast ended, we again formed the procession, and marched to the head of the arcade, while the music very judi- ciously played "Love and Sausages." There halted, our lines were separated, and duly marshaled each proceeded along its own side of the table ; when at a signal we halted again, and now oppo- site one another, to perform "the set up." And this delicate manœuvre was very handsomely executed by all that wore trou- sers; but the wearers of frocks and petticoats showed want of drill, making an undue exhibit of white thread stockings and yarn garters. In some places, however, active and skittish maids stepped first on to the seat, and then with an adroit movement of one hand, as in going to milk a cow, held affairs in a very becom- ing tuck till the blushing damsels were safe between the table ·
and the seat.
We may not recount our jokes, and raillery, and tilting of tables, and sinking of seats, and spilling of gravy, and upsetting of water; only all such were on the same large scale that best sorted with the inartistical and undisciplined world around! Tit for tat, and even butter for fat, was largely done that day-and in a way to demolish nice bodies. But never was more good humour ! never heartier fellowship! No drunkenness, however, and no profanity! No breaking of wine glasses-no singing of nasty songs-no smoking of cigars-no genteel and polished doings at all. 'We were then too far West for refinements !
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"No reflections-Mr. Carlton. But what did all that cost and what did you pay for a ticket ?"
· Cost !- pay for a ticket ! why don't you know? And yet how should anybody brought up where they sell a penneth of salad ! and pay a fippenny-bit to walk in a garden and buy tickets to hear sermons, and eat temperance dinners !- and everything costs something, whether to eat, or drink, or smell, or touch, or look at !- everything, every thing except preaching and teaching! . Cost ! why nothing in the sense you mean. All was a contribution-a gift-everybody did it-and everybody ate and drank that was invited, and everybody that was not invited !
"But it was a great labour !"
To be sure it was. But what to a woodsman is labour with the rifle and the axe? A single shot killed each victim for the hickory- ism; and a few flourishes of the axe felled trees and saplings for fuels, seats, tables, and arcades.
"What's the use of a Barbecue any how?"
Well, its uses to Guzzleton may be mentioned in some other work. But we answer now by asking :- Has not a man, who ranges in a wide forest untrammelled by artificial forms, an invin- cible love of freedom ?- Will not he who feasts like Homer's heroes despise the meannesses of a huckster's life ?- Can he be content to live on alms of broken meat and filthy crumbs ?- Is there much hope of subduing men whose pastimes are to the effeminate, labours !
'And, dear reader, out there the noble Declaration of Inde-
1 pendence itself, when properly read and commented on as to-day by John Glenville, has an effect on backwoodsmen, such as is rarely felt now in here! Oh! could you have seen Domore, and Ned Stanley, and old man Ashmore, and Tom Robinson, rise at one or two places and clench their rifles convulsively-and with tearful eyes and quivering lips stand intently gazing on the face of that reader !- oh ! could you have heard the enthusiastic cries, at the close, that came warm bursting from; the very hearts of our congregation, men, and women and children-then would you have deemed perilous the attempt to put, by force, a yoke on such necks !1 Vain the belief that our native woodsmen can be tamed !
1 A worthy tribute to the free democratic spirit of the west and to the political influence of the Declaration of Independence.
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Numbers may, perchance, have destroyed their forest bulwarks- but in the doing, woodsmen and their foes would all have fallen down slain together!
I only add that notwithstanding the continuous feasting of many hundreds for four or five hours, large quantities-nay, heaps of provisions, were left; and that these in the spirit of native western hospitality, were divided among the poorer of the guests, who carried away with them food enough for a week.
The day passed without any important accident or lasting anger. It was, indeed, very like the colour and thrill of visions in my dreaming age! I have pic-nicked in pretty places, and with amiable and excellent people-I have heard sweet music and merry laughter in the graceful and dwarfish groves of the east- but the thrill came not there! My poor, foolish fancy wanders then far away off to that wild plateau of the Silver River, and sighs for the sylvan life of that rude Barbecue!
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CHAPTER LXIV.
"Eloquar an sileam?" "Out with it, sir !"
"Spectatum admissi risum teneatis?"
"You won't laugh then ?"
CLARENCE's prediction to Harwood was soon verified. One member of the Faculty being ingeniously managed according to the sensitiveness of his temper, the other was to be dealt with on the first fair opportunity. Our worthy President aimed now to be the Government; in humble imitation of dear old President Hickoryface-but not by the same means. Hence he now treated Harwood as a child, and began to represent him as lacking manly judgment ; and secretly, like Ulysses, by asking insidious, ensnar- ing, and doubt engendering questions.
At last a noble and ingenuous young man refused to acquiesce in an unnecessary and arbitrary change of arrangement for an exhibition, having previously received a solemn pledge from the President that the change should not be made; and that change
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being, notwithstanding, now made and,-without the consent of the Faculty. On this, the Government and without any confer- ence with his cabinet, pronounced in public an immediate sentence of dismission on young Heartly. But in this the Faculty neither could nor would concur; since the President had first violated a solemn promise, and then out of revenge wished to inflict sum- marily a very disproportionate punishment. Hence, Harwood not only refused to acquiesce in a hasty decision, but he in private even earnestly remonstrated with the Doctor; after which Har- wood saw Heartly and advised him not to leave Woodville till regularly and legally ordered so to do by the Faculty.
Well, this was just what the worthy President desired; and he forthwith, both publicly and privately, denounced usher Har- wood as having rebelled against the Government! Nay! as guilty of resistance and ingratitude to his father! And, therefore, Har- wood himself must and should leave the College! He declared, and in no measured terms, that it was High Treason in Mr. H. to visit a dismissed student; and then-the President himself, that very day, did visit the same dismissed student, and implore him. to remain, saying he never would have suspended him had he not been secretly advised so to do by Harwood himself !
This placed our learned men in what is called hot water; and gave us a beautiful illustration of the scriptural sentiment, "how beautiful a thing it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!"
: Harwood as yet believed no plan was laid for his overthrow. He thought the Doctor was sorry for his haste, as he both in public and private, professed to be, himself attributing his own rashness and forgetfulness to the disordered state of his nerves ; and, as young Heartly had by the Doctor's own decree, been re- instated. Still rumors were afloat that mischief was brewing. Harwood, however, uttered no threat and laid no plans either of attack or defence, but was, as usual, wholly and laboriously busy with the duties of his office. He rarely, in truth, taught less than five hours a day, and oftener more than six!
On the contrary, the President true to his favourite rule, that his main duty was "to watch and administer the discipline," rarely taught more than One Hour a day; and that, sometimes, on horseback ! Hence he had abundant leisure to exercise, as he termed it, "parental care and government over all!"
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The extent and mode of this care and government may be un- derstood by what was afterwards called in the Purchase "the Celebrated Saturday."
On that day Harwood, just before the bell for morning exer- cises in College, when all the Students and all the Faculty statedly assembled for certain duties, knocked at the door of Little Col- lege, and thus, in evident perturbation, addressed Mr. Clarence :-
"Clarence ! something is brewing, I do believe"-
"Why !"
"The Doctor has sent for eight or ten Students for a body guard !"
"A body guard !- against what?"
"I can't imagine: the Mantons were asked-and Bloduplex told them he was in fear of some violence, and asked their aid in protecting him. One brother went; the other declined, and has just now given me the information. What can the man be about?"
"Your ruin! But why does so large and able bodied a man ask for a guard, and in addition to his sword-cane? or why does he not apply to the civil authority ? Hark! there's the bell-
"Yes! and see !- there, sure enough, is Bloduplex coming not only with his sword-cane, but with at least twelve of the Students around him! What is he driving at?"
"Let us go-we shall soon find out?"
All now entered the Hall and took their places. The Faculty as usual ascended the Rostrum; where the Government took his customary central seat, between Clarence on his right and Har- wood on his left. And then, immediately after Prayer! solemnly and tearfully done by the venerable Pedagogue, that curious per- sonage commenced as follows :
"My dear-(mellow voice)-children :- For I must call you children,-I shall not pursue the ordinary course of our duties to-day. Instead of that I design to go into a full explanation of the nature and propriety of my government. But as some things, by certain persons, have been said against that government, I beg leave to read to you first, my dear children, a few out of very many papers and testimonials in my possession, to shew you what good judges in other places have thought about me as a President, and what they do yet think."-(Here the President read his cer-
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tificates, consisting of official dismissions from sundry ecclesiasti- cal and literary bodies, and several highly laudatory letters and notes from former pupils; and among them a very eulogistic one from the Hon. Stulty Pistolpoop, who probably admired the Clergyman's sword-cane-propensities : the effect of all which docu- ments being very happy on the Judges-the Students now seated below as a court of appeals-and making them, for a time, think their Father the Government was really as great and good a man as he was cracked up to be),-"And so you see my dear children (voice very tender)-may I not consider myself after all this competent to the government of this college?
"But I wish now to say that my system is wholly parental. It is not regulated by printed or written rules and laws, or by the precedents of other colleges, where some people have imbibed arbitrary notions; no, the parental system is that of a father in governing his family-it depends on circumstances-it differs with cases. . Some Faculties govern only by rules-rebuking, suspend- ing, expelling, according to the letter. They will take no pains to discriminate; they fix the iron bed and stretch out and lop off till every one is made to fit. Is that right, my DEAR children ?- (Several of the Court of Appeals cried out 'No! it is not')-No, indeed, it is not : and persons that thus govern are not fit to govern -are they ?"-(No !- from the tribunal below.)-"Deeply do I regret to say that the worthy gentlemen of the Faculty seated on my right and left do not agree with me in these views; for in- stance, Professor Clarence would have urged me to discipline Mr. Smith according to rule-"
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